The Black Rose of Konoha
by donalgraeme
Summary: From the ashes of a pathetic life, a black rose shall grow, terrible and glorious in its beauty and power. Watch the path of Megami, the daughter of the Yondaime Hokage. Please read. Eventual FemNaru x Gaara and Hinata x Kyuubi pairings. Maybe lemons.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first FemNaru fic, and trust me; I'm going to blow y'all into the next dimension! Let the epic begin!**

A life is a complex thing.

A billion different paths are laid out for every person when they are born. Through their own choices, they choose one of these roads. That is how the universe works.

However, Kami wasn't satisfied to have only one of those worlds. Kami wanted some variety. And so, while said divine being was creating all of existence, it made a different plane for every possible world. Literal infinite worlds are created and tended to by Kami to this day.

But I digress. In the world of Shinobi, we are all aware of a certain orange-clad ninja and his growing future. However, what happens when we take a step sideways? What is one of the other paths that that boy could have taken? What if he wasn't even a _boy_ in this path?

Chromosomes are so fickle, aren't they?

* * *

In the heart of Hi no Kuni, there lies a village. It is surrounded by forests as far as the eye can see, all of them of an unnatural height and girth. For you see, these weren't ordinary trees. Almost a century earlier, the Shodai Hokage, Senju Hashirama, had used his Mokuton powers to build this forest, in order to protect what lay inside: Konohagakure no Sato.

The most powerful of the Shinobi villages, it sprawls for miles in every direction, all surrounded by a protective circle of walls reaching up as high as the eye could see. There was one way in through these walls: the main gate. Every day of every year since its founding, the village would receive a constant stream of tourists, merchants, and diplomats through the gate. Even in war times these gates were open, though at those times they let in supply lines, retreating forces, and, in a time of crisis, invaders. But at all times, the gates were open, lovingly embracing all who wished to enter into its hallowed grounds.

Outsiders never failed to be amazed by the village itself. A perfect blend of nature and human inhabitation, it was. Gentle streams and beautiful clearings hovered at the fringes of strong, durable buildings that had survived for decades and would survive for decades more to come. At the rear of the village was the crown jewel that filled visitors with awe and natives with pride and a sense of safety: the Hokage Monument.

It was a giant plateau, rising suddenly out of the ground, into the side of which had been masterfully and proudly engraved the faces of the Hokages that had served Konoha with all their being. The first face was that of a man that was much older than he looked, at once both serious and caring, Senju Hashirama himself. Next to the village founder, bound together forever by stone, was Senju Tobirama, the younger brother to Hashirama. After his sibling had grown weary from defending the village he had painstakingly build in a single night, the Nidaime Hokage had taken up the reigns, gently taking the role of the ultimate protector away from his brother's shoulders.

Tobirama was said to be a force of nature, able to pluck water from the very air. Though he lacked the skill to fuse earth and water to make wood as his brother had done, Tobirama compensated by having a total mastery over any and all Suiton jutsu. His powers over the element was so great that Mizugakure no Sato, a rival village, took it as a personal offense. And so began the First Shinobi War.

Many great men and woman were lost as alliances were made, broken, and tested between the five villages that were only just starting to form. In the end, an alliance between Konoha, Suna, and Iwa managed to beat Mizu and its partner Kumo into submission. An ocean's worth of bad blood, sadly both literal and figurative, was left behind from this terrible calamity. Tensions mounted and escalated out of control. The Second Shinobi War came into being just as the Nidaime Hokage was ready to hand over his position as Hokage over to the prodigy that both he and his brother had proudly trained: Sarutobi Hiruzen. His face lies next to that of his teachers' on the Hokage Monument.

His new leadership tested by a baptism of war, Hiruzen bravely led Konoha into the fray. After a seemingly endless time of death and vengeance, Konoha once again emerged victorious, thanks to the valiant efforts of its Sandaime Hokage. In the peace that followed, Hiruzen threw himself into his work. Though he loved his family and new wife with all his heart, he loved his village with all his soul. Decades passed, and Hiruzen built the title of 'the Professor', because he had learned and mastered every jutsu that had ever been in Konoha's hands. He trained a team of his own in this time.

His favorite and most promising student was Orochimaru, who was the son of an unremarkable Chunin. The boy had extraordinary talent, and a thirst for knowledge that rivaled Hiruzen's own. The first to discover the Hebi Summoning Contract, he was soon one of the best Shinobi Konoha had to offer.

The second member was Senju Tsunade, the great-niece and granddaughter of his respective teachers. She had a fiery temper that could shake even the most stout-hearted man, but beneath that she felt a fierce duty to protect all those she cared about. It was this drive that led her to delve into the healing arts. She soon proved to be a prodigy in her own right, and was soon the greatest iryo-nin that Konoha had ever seen.

His last student, whom he saw as a kind of bothersome nephew, was Jiraiya. His parents lost in the Second Shinobi War, the boy had been forced to grow up early. He had done so in more ways than one, as was shown by his near-obsession with the female body. Hiruzen lost count of the amount of times he had to settle public complaints made by women who had been spied upon by Jiraiya in his 'research to discover what makes the perfect woman' as the boy explained it

Jiraiya was not untalented, but he paled in comparison to his two teammates, leading them to constantly joke about his weaknesses. Though secretly hurt, Jiraiya just laughed along, happy that the members of his 'family' took the time to pay attention to him. Jiraiya found his own Summoning Contract, the Gama one to be precise. He impressed the Gama elders over time, and they taught him the secrets of being a sennin. However, Jiraiya was at heart a fun-loving soul, and treated being a Shinobi like a game, unlike his best friend Orochimaru, who was serious to a fault. One time, in a skirmish with Ame, the three faced down the dictator of Ame, Sanshouuo no Hanzou himself. They survived, earning themselves the title of Sannin, or legendary three ninja.

After a few years as a Jonin, Jiraiya took on his own team. The member of this team that drew Jiraiya's attention was Namikaze Minato, an orphan from what was once an ordinary civilian family. The boy had near-limitless potential, and Jiraiya took him under his wing completely. Jiraiya trained Minato to be the best ninja he could be, and encouraged him when the boy started to experiment with making his own jutsu. His progress was meteoric, and when the time came when Hiruzen wished to retire, Minato was a serious contender for the title. However, Hiruzen was conflicted in his decision.

He could easily tell that Minato was the perfect man for the job, but his sense of loyalty to Orochimaru interfered with his focus. The snake-like man had long made it known that he wished to become Hokage, and Hiruzen respected his student's dream, because he did have the strength to become Hokage. However, recently, Hiruzen had detected a change in Orochimaru. There was a shadow in his eyes when he talked, and he started to avoid his friends. Around the same time, citizens had started to mysteriously disappear from their homes, never to be seen again. Hiruzen knew in his heart of hearts that Orochimaru was the culprit, but his love for his favorite student refused to accept it.

In the end, Hiruzen had to pick what was best for the village, and nominated Minato as his successor. His head would be the one carved next to Hiruzen's. When Orochimaru heard the news, he was furious, and the number of disappearances increased dramatically. Finally, unable to deny it any longer, Hiruzen tracked down Orochimaru to his secret base, where he found all the kidnapped villagers, all of them dead by some horrific means.

Orochimaru himself was there, and freely admitted to all the accusations Hiruzen hurled at him. Orochimaru revealed how he desired to learn every jutsu in the world, and so become all-powerful. Hiruzen saw the madness in his eyes as he told him this, but he couldn't bring himself to kill the man that was just as much his son as Asuma or Asuma's younger brother. And so, Hiruzen let Orochimaru leave alive.

Jiraiya himself tried to stop Orochimaru, but he too could not let go of his memories of the past, and Orochimaru left Konoha forever. Around the same time, Tsunade lost in quick succession her little brother and her beloved, and fled the village with the person who would have been her niece-in-law. Sarutobi didn't have the heart to brand her a missing-nin.

The tides of war rose again at this time, and Namikaze Minato with his new genin team were thrust into the front lines. On the team was Hatake Kakashi, Uchiha Obito, and Inuzuka Rin. Kakashi was a prodigy among prodigies, rising to genin rank at the age of six. However, he took the suicide of his father hard, and left in his mind the unbreakable belief that the mission came above all else.

Minato personally thought that Sakumo, Kakashi's father, was perfectly justified in his actions, which had been to save his friends rather than complete the mission, but Kakashi would not believe it. Obito, a brash and bold boy at best, soon developed a rivalry with Kakashi, which was mostly ignored by Kakashi himself. Rin was both the possessor and object of unrequited love, for she had a raging crush on Kakashi, while Obito had a crush on her. This one-sided love ladder made for lots of annoying yet funny scenarios.

However, they all got a wake-up call on a routine mission. They had been sent to destroy a bridge so that Iwa, once their ally, could not cross over into Hi no Kuni. They were ambushed instead, with Minato on a separate mission, too far away to help. They managed to fight their way free, but Rin was kidnapped at the last second. Kakashi was adamant on leaving her behind in order to not risk the mission, saying "Those that don't follow the mission are trash." However, Obito could never be so heartless and retorted "But those that leave behind their friends are worse than trash!" After this, Obito turned around to go help save Rin. Making the most impulsive decision of his life, Kakashi followed.

When Kakashi arrived, he found Rin lying on the ground injured and Obito crushed by a rock slide, with a tangent of fifty Iwa-nin poised for the final blow. Kakashi wildly attacked, trying to distract them, but he wound up wounded next to Obito with his left eye torn out of its socket and his father's Tanto smashed to pieces. Taking out the kunai his sensei had given him, Kakashi hurled the special tri-kunai into the Iwa forces with all his strength.

Ten seconds later, amid countless yellow flashes, all the Iwa-nin were dead and the Yondaime Hokage was standing among the bodies. However, there was nothing that Minato could do for his student, for Obito was beyond the skill of any healer in the world to save. With his dying breath, Obito begged Rin to give his Sharingan eye to replace Kakashi's own, so that he would always remember his best friend. Crying hysterically, Rin used her amateur medical skills to transplant Obito's left eye into Kakashi's eye socket. Obito smiled at his friends for the last time, and died.

Rin and Kakashi took the death very hard. Rin herself couldn't take the strife, and fled Konoha and all its painful memories of the boy that she never knew loved her. Kakashi dealt with it by drowning himself in work, reaching ANBU in an unprecedented amount of time. To fill up what little free time he had, Kakashi forced himself to read over and over the explicit books that Jiraiya had started to write as a way to share his perverted fantasies with the world. It was a precarious balance, but it worked.

Minato felt dearly for the pain of his students, and the loss of his village in general, but he soon found a welcome distraction. A refugee from the recently destroyed Uzu no Kuni, Uzumaki Kushina was the most beautiful woman Minato had ever seen. After seeing her when he greeted the refugees, he quickly sought her out. However, she seemed immune to his charm, and flat-out told him that he was "pushy and arrogant and not very bright."

Minato was not known for giving up easily however, and continued to pursue her. After three months of fending off date requests and listening to her friends nag her about why she didn't want to date the _Hokage_, she agreed to go out with Minato "Just so that the craziness can end!" as she said. It was the best date of her life. After a while, she agreed to a second, and a third, until she found herself seeing Minato as a boyfriend. She had misjudged him, thinking he was just like every other confident male in the world. In truth, he was the sweetest, kindest, most romantic member of the opposite sex she had ever had the pleasure of meeting. The fact that he was the love machine to end all love machines in bed helped as well.

After six months of almost constant bliss, Kushina found herself wanting more. So, after one of their frequent dates, she grabbed him by his trench coat and said, bluntly as always, "If you ever want to see me again, you'll propose right now." Not so surprisingly, Minato already had the ring on his person, and immediately got down on one knee and slipped the ring on her finger. The look of happiness on his face was beyond words to describe. A month later, after a smallish ceremony that had to be hidden from view so that the village wouldn't riot in joy, the two were husband and wife.

Everything seemed right with the world: there was peace with no sight of war on the horizon, the Hokage was happily married and expecting his first child and the village was prospering like never before. How little did they expect the disaster to come.

The very week of Kushina's due date, the Kyuubi no Kitsune appeared out of nowhere, a force of nature and destruction. There had been rumors and whisperings of the king of the Bijuu living in Hi no Kuni, but no one ever had the courage to test these claims. Now they were confirmed in the worst way. Any who went up against the Kyuubi died, crushed like insects by the dozen. Minato's heart seized with grief when the demon finally came upon Konoha itself.

However, disasters come in pairs, for just as the Kyuubi breached the outer wall, Kushina went into labor. Knowing only one way to stop the beast, Minato killed his heart and ordered his men to hold off the fox while he went to stand by Kushina. The malevolence of the Kyuubi's chakra was immense, and Kushina quickly succumbed to it. The doctors worked desperately, trying to perform a miracle, but it was of no use. After a caesarean section, Kushina left the world of the living, never able to even hold the child she already loved with all her heart. Minato's sorrow could be felt ten paces away, yet he shed no tears. He spent exactly one minute holding Kushina's dead hand, and then took his child and ran towards the battlefield.

Minato's misery increased tenfold when he saw the dead bodies of all his friends, but he knew what he had to do. Summoning the Gama-oyabun Gamabunta, Minato ordered the boss summon to distract the demon while he prepared to condemn his child to a life he would not wish on his worst enemy. Going through nine handseals that were forbidden on all levels, Minato summoned the Shinigami, the terrible god of death.

Offering his soul, purer than any the Shinigami had ever seen, Minato begged the Shinigami to take the Kyuubi's soul and seal it into the body of his newborn child. Normally, the Shinigami would have demanded two souls in this kind of deal: the Summoner and the Sealed. However, the Shinigami saw that Minato's soul was worth more than any other, and agreed to the modified deal. Reaching through Minato's stomach and his child's, the Shinigami grasped the Kyuubi's soul, and ripped it from its still-living body. Any and all resistance was futile; the Shinigami could not be stopped.

The Shinigami pushed the soul into the newborn's body, forcing the innocent spirit to make room for this darkest evil. The deal complete, the Shinigami seized Minato's soul and ate it with undeniable relish. The last thing Minato saw before his essence merged with that of the Shinigami's was his child, his beautiful baby _girl_. "Megami…" was all he could say before he crumbled into dust and Gamabunta disappeared in smoke.

* * *

(Six Years Later)

It was just over half a decade since the tragedy of the Kyuubi no Kitsune. Most tried to suppress any and all memories of the event, trying to focus on the now. However, to the villager's infinite hate, there was a glaring reminder of the ones they lost living among them: the Kyuubi child. It had disappeared from the orphanage a few months ago, but they knew that it still lived within the walls of Konoha.

If you asked a random person off the street what they would do with the kid, ten times out of ten they would answer "I would kill it, slowly and painfully." It was a monster, the reincarnation of the beast that had ruined their lives. It didn't even deserve to be called a girl. It even mocked them by resembling their beloved Yondaime! What was worse, it had managed to take over their precious Sandaime Hokage, worming itself into his mind. How else could the man forgive the beast that had killed his wife and forced him away from a retirement that he justly deserved? No, the Sandaime could not be trusted, and that made things difficult.

The villagers were not totally unsuccessful in making the creature pay, no. But it _just wouldn't die!_ The merchants that the orphanage bought food from freely gave them poisoned food to feed to the monster, but every day it lived on. The orphanage took in 'volunteers' to teach it a lesson, every time beating it to a bloody pulp, but still it got up and moved! It was infuriating.

Whenever someone tried an outright murder attempt, the corrupted Sandaime showed up and arrested the potential heroes on the spot. The villager's were infuriated with the lack of progress, for they knew that they had a deadline. Sooner or later the beast would stop waiting around and slaughter them mercilessly as it had six years ago. Weapons were smuggled in with the 'volunteers', the orphanage cooks served nothing but rat-poisoned garbage to the beast, but it kept on surviving.

And then, it ran away, disappearing from sight and knowledge. Every morning the villagers thanked Kami that the beast had not snuck into their homes and killed them in their sleep, but they knew the time was coming. However, the possessed Sandaime had forced a curfew, preventing them from seeking out the beast and killing it. Fear and hate pulsed in every citizen's breast, and they soon became frantic. The civilians sought out allies in the Shinobi ranks and told them where they had glimpsed the demon, imploring them to 'save' them all.

Traps used on wild boar were laid out to capture the beast should it come by. Every single scrap of food thrown away was poisoned with the most lethal toxins the chemist could sneak out in case the beast came by to feed. But even three months later, there was no confirmed death of the demon.

Fast approaching was the time when the villagers would form a mob and turn over the village looking for the beast, Sandaime or no. It was only a matter of time.

* * *

Konohagakure no Sato has many alleys, back-end streets that are hidden from sight by the very nature of their length. There are even more ways between these alleys, tiny openings and alternate routes that would boggle the mind if they were all written down. So complex were these paths through the darkness around the village that there are only two beings that have them memorized. One was Tora, the Daimyo of Hi no Kuni's wife's favorite cat. This pampered creature used these passageways to avoid the ninja that were sent to drag it back to its mistress. The other creature was a girl who turned six that very day.

Though 'girl' wouldn't seem like the right word if you saw her. Her clothes, if they could even be called that, were little more than threadbare rags held together by the dirt caked into them. Her skin, where she had any, was black and purple from bruises and sores. The rest of her outer layer was composed of cuts in varying stages of recovery, burns, puncture wounds, and a thick sludge comprised of dirt, insect remains, and her own phlegm. Her feet looked like beets that had been thoroughly chewed and then spat out.

Beyond the heart-wrenching damage of the exterior, you could see every one of her bones, like a skeleton covered with the skin of some tortured animal. Her nails were black with filth, and her hair was the kind of hair other hair told horror stories about. Greasy, tangled, littered, basically every single bad adjective about hair could be applied to it. Her face was the worst part. Her teeth, when you could see them past her cut lips, were almost brown. Her bronze cheeks were covered with grime thicker than the dust in an antique store, and were marked with three lines on either side of her smashed nose that strongly resembled whiskers, giving her the look of a feral animal.

Her eyes, occasionally covered by eyelashes held together by hardened sludge, were a shade of blue that seemed to contain the ocean in their depths. However, they contained untold amounts of pain and suffering. Captives tortured and raped for twenty years before being released were whistling optimists compared to the horrors in her eyes. There was no light of intelligence, no humanly compassion. There was only an animal, intend on survival even after it had been put through every hardship the world had to offer.

The girl was lying in wait in a dumpster, waiting for the waste that served as her nourishment. Stealing real food was out of the question: the stands were in broad daylight, and the market had an impenetrable wall of traps around its storage areas: her scars were proof of that. Hunting in the forests was not possible, because she could easily get lost and even then there was the chance of running into a predator. Rats somehow knew to avoid her, and all insects and dogs (for bones, not meat) seemed to favor spots right by the fast-people, which she avoided at all times.

She didn't know what they were called; she wouldn't even be able to if they told her personally. The scary-people at the bad-place never spoke to her, choosing instead to speak with harsh actions. The other kids wouldn't talk to her, and she was never allowed out of the orphanage to speak to any one else. She had a total of six workable words in her vocabulary, including her name which the nice-man called her when he stopped the bad-people from killing her. For all intents and purposes, she couldn't talk. She didn't need to, though, considering she had no one to talk to. Even the nice-man only stuck around to speak a few words, pat her on the shoulder, and disappear.

After years of pain and nausea from poisoning, she had had enough. She had fled from the bad-place, and started battling for survival in her back-water haven. As was demonstrated by her hiding under rotting vegetables and maggot-ridden meat. The smell would have made grown men gag and vomit, but she forced herself to deal with it. Finally, there was blinding light and inedible waste fell down into the dark container. The instant the light disappeared, the girl shot forward, stuffing the refuse down her throat.

She paid no attention to the taste, which was revolting, the smell, which was abominable, or to the bile that surged in her throat. Every time she ate something, it made her feel like her insides were burning, but it was all she had. It was that or nothing, and with her malnourished body she wouldn't last three days without _some_ form of food.

After forcing down all she could, the girl peeked outside the container. There was no one. Faster than any person could vaguely suspect of such an unhealthy body, the girl sprang out of the dumpster, and made for a crawlspace of another building, burrowing through the dust and spider webs before the lid even clanged. This was how the girl lived: hide, get food, run far away, and repeat. She took water from the streams that came into the outskirts of the village, but she did this as infrequently as possible because there was no cover there. Her home was the softest patch of ground she could find after her strength left her for the day.

She took the utmost care to remain unseen, diving for cover when predators came with animalistic ferocity. Most of her decision-making was instinctual, purely a hunter-hunted mindset, where she was the one hunted being trapped in the home of the hunters. She had been prisoner to the hunters in the bad-place, but now she was free. Pathetic as her current existence was, it was paradise compared to her personal hell in the bad-place.

However, for all her stealth, there was one person she could never hide from.

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen stared into his crystal ball, feeling every one of his years excruciatingly. He stared at his successor's daughter as she made her way through the least-walked paths in the village, desperately searching for food and avoiding detection. _'Minato, if you could return to this world, even for only an hour, I have no doubt that you would tear this village down brick by brick for what we have done to your daughter.'_ Hiruzen was old, too old to be Hokage. He lived more in the past than the present, and that affected his judgment. When he first found Megami amid the ruins of the battlefield, he had been awed and saddened by Minato's sense of duty to the village.

Wanting his sacrifice to be remembered, he had told the villagers of Minato's last act not two days later. It proved to be the worst mistake of his life. His rose-colored-glasses view of the village had led him to believe that the villagers would honor Megami and treat her like a hero for the burden she was forced to carry. Instead, she had been treated as if she was the embodiment of all evil in the world.

The villagers had gone into an uproar at the news, demanding her death. He had been forced to flee the scene with his ANBU swatting projectiles out of the sky. His own shinobi had to be restrained, and the half the council bayed for her blood. Most of the ninja clan heads didn't hate her, though Uchiha Fugaku and Hyuuga Hiashi did, but the rest had no love for her, knowing that any help on their part would bring hell down on their shoulders. His very advisors, the teammates he had so long ago, turned against him, telling him to go with Danzo's option of turning her into the ultimate weapon.

Hiruzen sighed, feeling misery at the villager's actions… and his own. He knew that his good will could only go so far, and yet he placed Megami into the orphanage instead of caring for her in the Sarutobi complex. He was aware of all the terrible deeds the citizens of the village did, but he did no more than stop an obvious effort. Hiruzen hated himself for it, but he could not bring himself to love Megami either. Kushina died for her, Minato was lost through her, and his peaceful life of retirement as well as his wife was gone because of what was in her. He tried to bring himself to love her, but his old heart simply could not forgive her, and so could not truly love her.

Hiruzen knew exactly were Megami was, for the crystal ball gave him a perfect sense of the target's whereabouts, but he knew not what to do. For the past three months, he had been warring with himself over what to do. He could find her personally, though he would have to use a great deal of energy to keep up with her when she fled, energy he didn't know if he had.

He could send ninja to get her, and more likely as not wind up with her corpse. Even if he did find her alive, his only options were to send her back to the orphanage, where she'd likely die, or take her in himself, and be forced to settle the darkness in his heart. He could give her an apartment, but she couldn't even speak, and any merchant she tried to buy food from would not sell or only give her poison. Raising her outside the village was out of the question, for he had no one he could trust enough to keep her alive; some of his own ANBU hated her. At the same time, he couldn't do nothing, for the risk of an angry mob going on an unstoppable hunt grew with every day. All in all, Megami was screwed unless some divine intervention occurred.

Hiruzen sighed once more, and cancelled the crystal ball, leaving the poor girl to survive one more night. Or so he thought.

* * *

The girl was slinking through the alleyways, simply moving so that she would not be found. However, she was not totally random in her scurrying way. She had started to angle herself towards one of her favorite dumpsters. The noodle-stuff was warm when they through it out, and it was actually the only food that didn't make her sick. However, she could not afford to develop a pattern that a predator could track, and so she went there as infrequently as possible.

She had just leapt out of an air vent and was about to sneak through a gap between buildings when she heard a chorus of yells that would have beat out the chorus in Hell. Saying word number three, the girl glanced at the source of the sound with the fear of the prey. Her weak eyes were blinded by the bright light of the street behind them, but she clearly saw an angry mob, armed with every weapon they could get their hands on. The villagers had cracked, on this the anniversary of their loved ones' death.

They had managed to snag an ANBU into their ranks and the man had personally seen to it that any loyal person to the Sandaime was dead drunk. Considering that it _was_ a festival, the men and women easily agreed to the offers, unaware that the barkeepers had spiked their drinks with a cocktail of vodka and sedatives. Since most ninja developed immunities to drugs, the man had overdosed slightly, leaving the loyal shinobi passed out after one sip. With those traitors out of the way, the only one who could stop them was the Sandaime himself, and they knew that he could never hurt them. It was child's play for the ANBU to track the beast down. At long last, they could have their revenge.

The girl was unaware of all this. In her mind there was only one object of importance: the command to run. She did so wildly, stunning some of the villagers with her panic-induced speed. Beyond caring whether it would leave a trail or not, the girl smashed through a window, her hair gaining a smattering of glass fragments. Ignoring any pain her receptors sent her, she broke out through the other window in the random room out the other side, putting one building between the mob and her.

One building quickly became two, when she tore through some random backdoor into a small lawn. The mob had recovered by now, and had started to chase after her, but they would not take the risks she did. She flew over the fence of the lawn, tore around three corners in quick succession, and then leapt onto a dumpster, jumping immediately to desperately fumble for the top of the wall blocking her way. However, she had not the strength to pull herself over, and she fell to the ground.

The mob had started to move into the dead end, but the girl wasn't done yet. Yelling wildly to confuse them, she charged forward towards the first villagers. Their anger was replaced with shock for a second, but it was enough. She tore through their ranks on all-fours, knocking over the few in her way before reaching the alleyway again.

After that, it was an age of running, desperate maneuvers, and death-defying risks. She tried to jump over walls, squeezed through gaps most would not consider rats able to get through, and finally frantically lifting a manhole-cover and jumping down into the sewers. The villagers were spitting with rage, but adrenaline could only go so far.

They had expected quickly cornering the beast and taking their own sweet time with killing it, but they had been running constantly for almost half an hour. How the creature could be faster on them when it was living on the edge of existence, none of them knew, but what they _were_ sure of was that they could not keep up with the creature at this pace.

Fortunately for the villagers, extremely unfortunate for the girl, there were ninja in the crowd, and they decided to take matters into their own hands. Dashing forward with lightning speed, a jonin with silver-spiked hair rushed forward into the manhole and grabbed the beast that had killed his sensei. He could have done this at any time, but wanted the villagers to have their moment. Now, it was death. The beast thrashed wildly, but he held it with iron strength as he leapt out back into the street. He threw the creature right towards the mob, yelling "KILL IT NOW!"

To some, Kakashi's behavior would seem totally out of character and crazy, but no one knew just how fragile the man's mind was. Losing his father was bad. Losing Obito was worse. Rin leaving him stung like a stab to the heart. But the death of his sensei had been the straw that broke the camel's back. His frail mentality cracked, and he became obsessed with killing the thing that tore his sensei, who was more a father to him than Sakumo, away from him.

The girl found herself in a place worse than hell. The Shinigami could not hold a candle to the fear that was instilled in her by the villagers' wrath. She instinctively knew that this time it would be different than the beatings in the bad-place. Now, they would not hold back, and the fast-people were with them. She had seen the fast-people jump over rooftops and flicker into smoke from the window in her room at the bad-place. They would do things to her that none of the bad-people ever could.

Words could not describe the pain that followed. With all people who would warn the Sandaime passed out and/or wasted, and the man himself not watching, there was no need to be quiet or 'gentle.' The villagers wanted to make her suffer, and each villager was given their own individual chance to let out all their hate by causing her pain. They took care to not hit vital areas, to stretch out the pain as long as possible. They cursed her and damned her with hysterical voices while she was slowly lowered into a bottomless pit of agony.

Most settled for simply beating the tar out of her, others used weapons to do what could be seen as death by a thousand cuts, a few even raped her, wanting her to feel pain on an entirely different layer. Every person was cheered wildly as they did their personal torturing. Any and all attempts to fight back were hopeless; she was trapped. Needless to say, her screams would have elicited mercy from Uchiha Madara.

Finally, the ninja got in on the action, and this was where things became first-degree lethal. The girl, who by now was a quivering puddle of terrified flesh, experienced types of pain so unknown and deadly that it felt like she had already died ten times over before it was halfway done. There were the classic Katon jutsu, a few Doton that involved pits with spikes and suchlike, one Suiton that left her just short of drowning and the cherry on top: a fist covered with lightning plunged through her chest by a bad-person who reeked of madness.

She practically vomited blood after that last one, and the onlookers knew right then and there that she was dead. Kakashi had pumped about half his chakra into that Raikiri, and had kept it active once inside, effectively cooking all her vital organs from the inside.

Kakashi tossed her to the side, leaving her to the rats, to be met by a cascade of cheers from the villagers. There revenge finally exacted, they went from an angry mob to a joyous riot, carrying Kakashi on their shoulders while going to drink themselves to the ground in honor of their dead friends and family, at last avenged. The last thing they ever gave to the beast was their spittle before leaving it away from all sight and memory.

They were unaware that Kakashi's Raikiri had not attacked her brain, and that meant she wasn't dead for another four minutes until her brain ran out of electricity. A lot can happen in four minutes. An entire existence can be changed in four minutes.

* * *

The girl studied her surroundings in the way a captive memorizes the place in which they are held hostage so that they can plan their eventual escape. One moment, she felt death in plasma form in the shape of the miniature lightning storm in her chest, and the next she was in a strange wet place, vaguely like the sewers in which she occasionally hid, without a scratch on her.

She didn't know how she got there, and she didn't really care; what mattered was that her instincts were screaming at her to follow the hall to wherever it led to. Having learnt since she could walk that following your instincts kept you alive, she complied, taking off on all-fours towards the end of the odd corridor. She passed many hallways and some doorways; all of them without door handles or locks, most of them black or grey in color. She ignored them, continuing on the pathway she was on.

After a few minutes, she came upon the biggest chamber she would ever see, cut in half by a cage with bars thick as a century-old oak. Where the two doors of it met, there was a single slip of paper marked with a character. The girl paid little attention to this, because she had frozen like a deer under headlights. The reason behind this was because she had just met the ultimate predator: the Kyuubi no Kitsune.

The Kyuubi stared at his container, nearly drowning in self-loathing and contempt. She was pathetic, if she even _was_ a she! The tiny insect was easily the dirtiest the Kyuubi had ever seen of its kind, and the state of her body was appalling: he was trapped inside a soiled bag of skin and bones. The Kyuubi just stared at the thing, wishing that it had never existed while the back of his mind was working on keeping her alive, and failing to his great anger.

He was the Kyuubi no Kitsune, for Kami's sake! He had taken on all his brethren at once and won, he had managed to bed the Nibi no Nekomata, the most untouchable of the three female Bijuu, he had crumbled mountains into dust with one flick of his tails, and he was reduced to this: sealed inside this lamentable insect, and stuck responsible with keeping it alive, a task that suddenly seemed impossible. Life sucked with teeth.

The girl was kept out of the demon's inner thoughts, more concerned with getting as far away as possible. It did not matter that the fox with nine tails was behind the cage: it was the biggest hunter she had ever seen and she had to flee for survival. At the same time, her instincts were yelling at her to stay in the room. She was caught up in this internal conflict with no end in sight, and found herself suddenly wanting to be in the alleys of the bad-people's home; at least she knew where those went, instead of this maze-like place with the fox's cage.

These kinds of conscious desires were rare from her, usually driven by instinct entirely, but when she experienced them they were stronger than any thoughts from a normal person ever could be. And since this was her mindscape, though she was unaware of that, it reacted to her wish, reshaping itself from a dank sewer to one of the myriad alleys of Konohagakure no Sato.

It the girl was surprised, the Kyuubi was in a coma from the shock. One second it was mentally ranting how gag-inducing his current position in life was, simultaneously trying and failing to safe his prison, and the next he was behind a chain-link fence in an alley in the village of his container. The only was this could have happened was because of the insect, but that was impossible! None of those worthless ningen could control their mindscape with this power at this age. It was inconceivable.

Once again, the girl was unaware to the Kyuubi's thoughts, more concerned with trying to figure how what had happened happened. She had yearned to be in the alleys, stopping the simple primal thoughts she normally used, and the strange-place had turned an alley and the predator was behind one of those bendy-walls. Cautiously, being totally new to the act, she 'wanted' the fox to be smaller, like the normal one she once saw by the stream.

The effect was instantaneous. All things are relative, including size. The Kyuubi could have all his awesome power, and still be the size of a normal fox. As was demonstrated by his sudden shrinking from the height of mountains to the same level of sight as most rabbits. The Kyuubi was utterly dumbfounded by the change: the ningen had not only changed the scenery of its mindscape, but it changed his size as well! Shock and the tiniest modicum of fear was coursing through the Kyuubi as it found itself stuck behind a fence it could not climb in a space the size of a small room.

The girl was feeling very strange. She had made things change with just her thoughts, something her urges could never do. For the first time in her short life, she felt… confidence. The predator had shrunk to the size of prey. Now she would be the predator, and finally taste food other than the waste of the bad-people. In her mind, it was that simple. Experimenting with her 'wanting', she wished herself to be in the cage with the now-small fox. In a sudden shift of perspective, she was crouched in the fenced-in square with the fox.

The Kyuubi had, by now, recovered from the shock of such a psychically-able ningen, and whipped one of his tails at the girl, planning on scaring her into leaving his cage and leaving him to possibly die in her destroyed body peacefully.

The girl felt the blow, still containing the power to cause tsunamis despite the size of the appendage, but it strangely didn't hurt like the blows she got from the bad-people. There was pain, immeasurable pain, but she found that she could ignore it. Grabbing hold of the tail, she pulled, and surprisingly the fox was dragged towards her despite her meager strength. It was as if her desire for the fox's death was used instead of her strength.

Since it was her mind, everything was a battle of wills. Though she was unaware of the mechanics of this fact, what she did know was that her urge to hunt and feed seemed to make her vastly stronger. Using that, she punched the fox in the body, still holding on to one of its nine tails, driving it into the ground, forming a crater as the body hit the ground.

Kyuubi hastily changed his labeling of the insect from 'pathetic' to 'dangerous.' In a matter of minutes, it had discovered the powers of its mindscape, and had then made him feel the first pain he ever had since his brawl with his fellow Bijuu. The power, or rather willpower, behind the punch was incredible, and the Kyuubi suddenly found himself wondering if his believe that all ningen had no spines was accurate.

The girl then spun the fox around by its tail, before letting go and hurtling it into the wall of the space behind the bendy-wall; cracks spider-webbed away from the impact, strangely repairing themselves before the fox hit the ground. The girl ignored the walls, lunging forward to incapacitate the prey. The way this would go was very clear in her mind: weaken fox, trap fox, and eat fox.

A simple mantra from her primal brain, but it was straightforward. However, Kyuubi had decided to not pull any punches and knocked the girl away with a swipe of its paw, sending her flying into the fence with a sonic boom. The girl bounced off the fence, but instead of crumbling into a heap, she hit the ground running, once again hurling herself towards the fox.

It continued in this fashion for Kami-knows how long. The girl would land in a couple hits, the Kyuubi would send her flying back, and she would recover to strike again. Kyuubi simply could not believe it: how could such a pathetic, starving ningen have will power that could outmatch his own? He didn't get an answer, and continued to use every trick he knew to avoid the insect and tire her out.

Finally, the girl grabbed hold of the fox as it leapt into mid-air, and brought the squirming flesh to her rotten teeth and bit with all her strength. The semi-jagged and probably infected teeth pierced the thin covering of skin, unleashing the pulsing blood within to flow down the burning throat of the starving girl. The Kyuubi reacted by bringing all nine tails around to form a sort of furry club, knocking her away from him with the force of a thousand avalanches. The girl struggled to get back up, refusing to quit now that she was so close.

Now, the Kyuubi was not a ravaging, murdering bastard, except on Tuesday nights. He had a form of honor, though it was decidedly one-sided, like 'I never kill without a reason, but I can always find a reason to kill'. But one of his paramount rules that he could never in good conscience ignore was his 'draw blood' code. If he fought someone, be it ningen, animal, or Bijuu, if they managed to spill his blood, a near-impossible task, then he would concede defeat.

This girl was the first ningen to ever do this; after all, the Yondaime hadn't so much cut him as dragged his soul out with the help of a death god. But this girl had not only pierced his flesh, but had drunk his blood. That was something no one in existence could claim.

It was the thought of her drinking his blood that sparked the idea: the idea that would lead to this girl becoming a legend.

The Kyuubi thought that his wild idea was the only solution: it would make the girl stronger, give him some freedom, and it would, most importantly, keep her alive. Seriously, it was perfect. Now, how to implement it?

Kyuubi, in the manner of a kamikaze pilot, charged forward towards the girl, reversing the pattern the hunt had been taking. But the girl was prepared for the prey to be creative, and started lashing out her arm to strike the fox into submission once and for all. The punch connected, but not before the fox managed to sink its teeth into her neck. The girl clutched the wound, trying to ignore the pain but somehow failing.

The bite seemed to be beating down her new 'willpower', trying to send her back to being the prey instead of the predator. The girl forced herself to suppress it, but the fox had not been idle. The instant that her lifeblood had entered his mouth, the Kyuubi had started to chant in an ancient language, not spoken aloud for thousands of years. **"****Hac vinculum ex cruor, per consentio donatus, ego sic redimio nos, ego sic redimio nos. Per veneratio ex Deus, quod iunctio no, ego sic redimio nos, ego sic redimio nos. Pro vita quod diligo quod persevero ops, nos iam huic atrum hora, ego sic redimio nos, ego sic redimio nos."** Roughly translated, this means "By bonds from blood, and consent given, I thus bind we, I thus bind we. By the honor of God, and connections made, I thus bind we, I thus bind we. For life and love and continued power, to help us now in this dark hour, I thus bind we, I thus bind we."

The instant the last syllable had left the Kyuubi's throat, he and the girl started to glow, she with a soft blue light, he with a vicious red. Cords of their respective colors burst from the glow, connecting to the other. The threads kept coming, twisting and turning around each other, until it seemed as if the two were held together by a corded rope of light. The seal started to glow with a white light, and threads branched out from it as well, but these threads seemed to be trying to cut the rope in half. However, the threads broke and disconnected the instant they touched the rope; the force that the Kyuubi had just invoked was stronger than the Shinigami.

The rope melted together, becoming thicker, until it was a single strand that was a rich purple. Slowly, an orb of light seemed to come out of the girl, and started to travel down the thread, going forward to meet the similar orb that had left the Kyuubi's currently-frail friend. The two orbs met in the middle, and started to merge into one. With the crack of thunder, the single orb broke into two again, traveling back towards the two members of the ritual, burning the thread in their wake. The very moment the half-orb entered the girl, she experienced mind-numbing _feeling_.

Her new concentrated thoughts had been whispers in the wind compared to the messages her brain was now processing. A million different sensations, sights, smells, and textures rushed through her mind, burning themselves into her very being. She could feel the sheer power of the thoughts physically changing her body, hastily adapting to deal with the sudden influx of thoughts it could not handle, healing all of her injuries as if they were cobwebs to be swept away.

At the same time, the Kyuubi grew to the size of a large man, before his body started morphing, becoming something more bipedal, more _human_. He too was experiencing foreign thoughts and memories, but these were of anguish and misery. For the first time in his countless years, the Kyuubi shed tears as he fell prey to an immeasurable amount of pain, loneliness, and _emptiness_ that ate away at all of his demonic pride and contempt. **'How could she have survived all this? I'm the fucking Kyuubi, and I'm barely stopping myself from cracking. A girl less than a decade of age handled it without going insane? She truly was worthy of this ritual.'**

After an eternity of having their minds being turned upside-down and inside-out, the two stopped glowing. The two of them simultaneously collapsed on the floor, unaware of one change to the seal written on the chain-links: there was a hole in the center.

* * *

When the girl awoke, she found herself lying inside a bed, the first bed she had ever been in, since the pile of rags in a corner at her room in the orphanage hadn't really counted as a bed. She was wearing a nightgown, a totally unfamiliar piece of clothing on all accounts. She was in a large-ish room, with a floor covered by an ornate rug, blue plaster walls totally unoccupied, and an open set of doors to a modest balcony, looking out over the Konoha forest. Her body felt… whole, as if she had actual meat on her bones, and she felt no gnaw of hunger.

'How did I get here?' she thought, before she froze at the workings of her own brain. She had _thought_. In words she had never heard of! 'What happened?' she asked herself, before freezing again at her mind's mutterings. Suddenly, an unfamiliar voice spoke straight into her mind, making her jump for the third time in as many second. **'Wow, you were so primal that simple thoughts and questions are strange to you. We'll have to work on that.'**

The voice was male, had an undertone of power and authority, and rumbled like thunder in her mind. Instead of not comprehending the words, the girl understood them; making those two sentences the first she had ever comprehended and received information from. 'Who or what are you?' she mentally asked, asking the question before she could even wonder where the words had come from. It is a very weird experience when your own mind confuses you.

The voice spoke again, in a soft tone that strangely didn't seem to suit it. **'My name is Yuusei, the Kyuubi no Kitsune or Kyuubi no Youko. What is your name?'** Since the girl had spent six years illiterate, she had never heard or understood anyone talking about the Kyuubi, and so was not filled with irrational fear. 'My name is… Megami.' That was what the kind old man called her when he came to save her from her potential murderers.

Once again, Megami was shocked by her involuntary thoughts and vocabulary. **'Try to ignore your thoughts until you get used to them. Just let me do the talking so I can explain how you went from feral survivor on the brink of death to a girl with an impressive vocabulary inside the Sarutobi complex.'** The girl mentally nodded (no idea how you do that) and tried to just soak up Yuusei's words.

'**Maybe I should start at the beginning. Your father was the Yondaime Hokage. The Hokage is the leader of the village, and supposed to be the strongest ninja in the village. Ninja are the 'fast-people.' Anyway, I was attacking the village, for reasons I won't tell you at this time. So your dad comes out, carrying you. He made a deal with the Shinigami and sealed me within you to save the village. I do believe that that was a great personal sacrifice.'** Megami mussed over the words, trying to ignore how she automatically understood the meanings behind them.

So, her dad had chosen to seal Yuusei inside her to protect the village. She found herself half-hating the man and half-understanding him. The fact that she was feeling such complex emotions after six years of painfully simple urges was ignored with growing ease. On the one hand, she hated her father for condemning her to her wretched life for the _villagers_, who had hated her since birth.

On the other hand, the villagers acted differently when she wasn't around, so maybe they had been worth saving to her father. After ten seconds of contemplating her feelings, Megami settled on just letting it go; he was dead, so her feelings wouldn't really impact him, and she didn't need him anymore now than she had the first six years of he life.

Once this emotional issue was solved, Yuusei continued. **'Now, the insects that inhabit this village can't see past their own view of the world, and so they tried to kill you because they felt that you were me. For the record, you owe me a favor for healing your wounds and breaking down all those poisons in your food. This continued for the first five years nine months of your life until you escaped the orphanage. Three months later, three days ago, the villagers hunted you down and killed you, for all intents and purposes. Our chasing around occurred while your brain was losing electricity. This is where things get interesting. To ensure your survival, I put us in thrall.' **Megami mulled over that word, 'thrall.' Her new vocabulary did not include that word.

'**Thrall is a blood ritual, requiring the two participants to drink each other's blood. We did that. I then had to speak a spell that was around since before I was born. The ritual took place, hence you being alive right now. The current Hokage, that Sarutobi man that stopped a few murder attempts, found you the next day, like this. He brought you here, and you've been resting here recovering until you woke up.'** Megami processed the information, all shock at her new brain functions now gone.

'What does this thrall do to me and you?' Yuusei answered a slight tone of excitement in his voice now. **'The ritual works by fusing our souls as one, and then splitting the amalgam into two, each of us with one, our portion of the shared soul. Basically, I am now half-you and you are half-me. This has a myriad of side-effects. One of them is the ability to share information telepathically, as is shown by your vocabulary, which I gave you while you were unconscious, as well as some basic knowledge; reading, writing, minor anatomy, some math, and a little worldly knowledge in general. This conversely means that I can finally experience the outside worlds after six years with nothing to look at but my own cage. Another side-effect is a merging of chakra stores, which ninja use to perform their jutsu and such. For now, you just have exponentially more powerful chakra than other ningen. But overtime, as the thrall bond strengthens, your chakra will change from demonically-supercharged human chakra to Hanyou chakra, effectively making you a Hanyou, which is a half-demon. Nothing too major; just enhanced senses, claws for nails, slits for pupils, thicker whiskers, and a tail or two.'**

Megami considered that. She didn't have any particular attachment to how her body was, considering that it was normally weak and malnourished. Plus, those traits would be useful in a hunt. She actually found herself looking forward to it. 'Is there anything else, Yuusei-kun?' She felt warm inside as she said that; if felt nice to have a close friend to use such an honorific on, even if she had only learned the honorific subconsciously within the past three days.

**'Yes. I myself will experience a few changes. Your humanity has leaked into me, tempering my personality somewhat. Before the thrall, I spend half my time cursing you quote unquote insects for even thinking of standing up against me and cursing myself for letting you succeed. Now, I am much less hot-headed. Also, I am now in human form. I believe that the phrase for my new body is smoking-hot. I'm not sure; I don't really care about how attractive I am to your species. Beyond our own personal changes, the seal itself has been damaged by the thrall. The seal was designed to keep our souls separate, and the thrall shot that all to hell. Right now, in its manifestation in your mind, it has a hole in the middle that has grown a few thousandths of an inch since the thrall occurred. Eventually, from what I can tell, it will break entirely, releasing me from your body. Oh, I almost forgot; since I'm immortal and you are in thrall with me, you too will share in my eternal youth.'**

Megami was a bit shaken by that last part. She visualized (lovely word) on what life would be like without being able to die. Any mates she made would grow old and die while she remained unchanged; any children she bore would outgrow her and perish before her. She suddenly felt herself being crushed by years of loneliness ahead.

**'Oh, sorry, that was insensitive of me. To clear up the issue, any children you have will be immortal as well; they'll stop maturing around twenty or so, as will you. Also, you can bless any man you consider to be your soulmate with your immortality. I'd offer myself, but I think that our relationship is going to be more father-daughter than lovers. You're a few millennia too young for my tastes.'** Megami chuckled at Yuusei's playful tone, and realized that that was the first laugh she ever had. She liked the sound of it.

At that moment, Sarutobi Hiruzen walked into the room. When he had found Megami lying in the alley, unconscious but unharmed amongst the scene of an obvious attack, he had brought her straight to his home. He had given her one of the numerous rooms in the complex, which only housed Hiruzen's immediate family and a few in-laws. He waited for her to wake up, and silently banished the hatred he had for her.

After seeing her lying so innocent and helpless in that bed, he found himself wondering how anyone could hate her. His personal darkness now gone, he had considered the adoption option, but he knew now that that would simply raise hell, despite his hatred or lack of it; all administrative activities remotely concerned with his personal life would become objects of interest to the council. Since Megami seemed safer 'dead' rather than alive, he decided to keep her continued survival a secret. His family just thought that he was caring for an abused child that had run away from her parents. They hadn't seen her, so the story was believable.

When he walked in the door, he was glad to see her awake. He had cleaned her up while she was asleep, costing him thirteen bars of soap, his best comb, and enough water to fill a swimming pool. Now, she looked undeniably beautiful, as she sat upright in one of his wife's old nightgowns, her golden hair now flowing down to her shoulders in a silky waterfall. Hiruzen saw both Kushina and Minato in her, fused together to form this perfect girl.

He smiled to himself, and slowly approached her, thinking that she was still the feral girl from a week ago, albeit cleaner. "Megami, you're safe now. No one is going to hurt you. You're in my home, and I'm going to take care of you for a while. Okay?"

He did not expect her to respond in anyway, so he nearly had a pulmonary when she responded, in a clear, crisp voice that reminded him of the morning breeze from the ocean, "Thank you, yoi-jijii (literally nice old man). I thank you for taking care of me as I recovered."

When Hiruzen failed to respond, and turned purple, Megami leapt to her feet to do something to help the old man. The speed and grace she displayed with limbs that just days before had been falling apart at the seams only increased Hiruzen's shock and blood pressure. Megami, doing the first thing that came to mind, started to pound the elderly man on the back, bruising his brittle ribs in the process.

However, the impact was enough to break his shock, and he drew in ragged breaths. Once his overworked ticker had calmed itself, Hiruzen stared at his successor's daughter with total disbelief.

"How did you just talk?" he asked, shock evident in his voice. Megami shrugged and said "Um, I moved my vocal cords?" She spoke in a semi-sarcastic tone, reveling in her skills with language.

Hiruzen shook his head, as if to clear away the craziness. "But you can't talk." "Obviously I can, or we wouldn't be having a conversation. I owe you thanks for keeping me alive, yoi-jijii, but, with all due respect, are you senile?" Hiruzen brought his hands up into a seal and said "Kai." When the scene didn't change or waver, the old Hokage had to accept that what was happening was real. That didn't explain anything, though.

"But, you've never talked to anyone. You just grunted or ignored people." "That's because they were bigoted bastards/bitches who pounded me into a bloody stain in the ground. Don't know why they did, and frankly I don't care; the past is past, right? But why would I waste my breath talking to them?" Megami's newborn lying skills were not half bad, and Hiruzen found himself nodding on with the explanation; the girl, constantly abused, wouldn't bother begging them to stop, and she had never had never given true cause to trust him so that she would talk to him when he saved her.

"Now, if you don't mind, if I could have some clothes and money, I'd like to be on my way." It took a second for Megami's sentence to process in Hiruzen's brain, but when it did he looked incredulous. "Megami, everyone thinks you're dead. If you're seen, the people will just mob up and chase you down again in their stupidity. I couldn't execute them; I would probably get rid of nine tenths of the population, shinobi and civilian alike. Plus, you aren't exactly loved by the council."

Megami smiled, and Hiruzen had to suppress an image of the Cheshire Cat. "They'll recognize a starving feral girl filthier than a voyeur's conscience and lacking any true intelligence. What they'll see will be a lanky, polite, spotless boy with nice manners. Do you have any shears?"

While Hiruzen nodded at the girl's reasoning and good idea, he was unaware that the entire small speech was word for word Yuusei's idea. They didn't need to give the nice man an aneurism with the explanation of the deteriorating seal. An hour later, Megami had inch-long locks that somehow spiked; a pocket filled with enough money to rent a small, fully-stocked apartment, and was wearing an orange jumpsuit that was a remnant from Hiruzen's boyhood days when he was experimenting with fashion.

The suit was big enough on her to hide her slightly feminine build, and was so different from what she had been (barely) wearing before that no one would vaguely recognize her as the 'demon-child', even if they connected the hair and eye color to her. Her whiskers had been covered with a thin layer of make-up, effectively hiding them. Hiruzen barely recognized her.

"I wish that you'd stay here, but apparently your stubbornness to survive carried over to other aspects. Just promise me that you'll check up with me; I want to see that you're doing alright. And, if you're finding that memories of the _incident_ are haunting you, I can give you the best shrink in the village."

Megami smiled, seemingly lighting up the room, and politely said, in a deeper and gruffer tone than her own, "I'll do that, yoi-jijii. And don't worry about any memories; they're locked up good and tight." In reality, Yuusei had mentally tinkered with the memories so that they wouldn't register as 'traumatizing' in her mind. It was strange to recall the pain of a pitchfork or the intrusion of an aggressive manhood and only think 'Hmm, hope that never happens again' in a conversational tone.

Hiruzen smiled, and patted Megami on the head, before letting her go on her way. He could have forced her to stay, but something about her just made you want to do things her way. The elderly Sandaime chuckled as the thought 'It appears as if you daughter inherited your charisma, Minato. And your thick skull, Kushina.' Continuing to chuckle, Hiruzen went to deal with the bane of paperwork, as well as forge some records for Megami's new identity.

* * *

**So, what did you think? By the way, Megami, as of yet, has no last name. The villagers didn't give a shit about her name, and the Sandaime always called her by her first name. Her alias **_**will**_** be 'Uzumaki Naruto,' but whether she'll be Uzumaki or Namikaze Megami will be decided later. I hope you like the fic, and please give me your glorious reviews. Ja ne!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you one and all for your wonderful reviews, and for so many of you reading it. Here is chapter two!**

* * *

Picture the following: you have spent your entire life with little intelligence or conscious thought. For as long as you can recall, you have felt only the most basic of urges, and lived your entire life by them. Pain and hunger are your only companions in this simple existence.

Then you die, meet a demon lord, and suddenly find yourself seeing the world truly for the first time.

Megami was baffled on all levels. She was used to following her instincts and feeling pain at the hands of the villagers. Now, she was being treated very kindly by passerby, glad to see such a handsome youth, and she could analyze their behavior at length in her mind. Suffice to say, it took getting used to.

In the orphanage, there were ten or twelve people in charge of the whole lot, and each took on a certain 'group' and administrated their own brand of artificial parenting. Naturally, some kids slipped through the cracks.

Megami had not so much slipped through the cracks as been buried six feet under in a steel box. She had been deliberately ignored by all the staff, and the kids naturally avoided her because of how their warrens treated her. She had literally never received a kind word or some simple help; wild animals could have raised her better. She followed the pack, forced by necessity to keep a distance, her only contact with the malicious cooks or the violent 'volunteers'.

When she had finally fled, she was only able to observe people from a distance, if she bothered to at all. She felt lonely of course; her soul had spent six years crying out for attention and companionship.

She couldn't exactly suffer a psychotic meltdown, seeing as she didn't have a true mind, but she came as close as she could, her id constantly broadcasting the despair of being alone, unwanted, and despised.

Then, in the course of a few days, most of them with her being unconscious, she had found a companion for all eternity in Yuusei, and the millennia's worth of demonic brotherhood she 'remembered' his thrall bond had sufficiently whetted her desire for acceptance. That left her with nothing of her old life to cling to, thus leaving her to remold herself completely.

Lacking any sort of experience, Megami was currently coasting on Yuusei's commands, not being able to think of anything to do for herself. Had Yuusei still been a rampaging fox, he would have jumped at the chance to turn this girl into his mind slave.

But the new and improved Yuusei had an intimate knowledge of how much this girl had suffered, and could not bring himself to subject her to his whims. Weird, huh?

At the moment, Megami was going around the local market, her first time dealing with money. Yuusei's 'suggestions' had been to buy some food and then establish a base to plan out things further, probably an apartment.

Megami found herself surrounded by the cacophony of vendors proclaiming their wares, buyers haggling over prices, and the general murmur that surrounds any busy place.

Megami was giving herself whiplash trying to see everything at once. She was seeing things she had never seen before, hearing terms totally unfamiliar, and she was drinking it all in. Being feral, she didn't really have a lot of variety in her decision-making, and she suddenly found herself surrounded by infinite opportunity.

She could buy this exotic fruit from that stall, or some tidbits from the mini-café, or she could stop and stare at the juggler entertaining a small crowd. It was truly a giddying experience after a cycle that lasted her whole life.

Eventually, she went into a small ramen bar, thinking that she would have her first official meal ever. In some corner of her mind, she had realized that this was the spot that had the only un-poisoned garbage in town, which only increased her enthusiasm; if the people didn't spike their refuse, it could be imagined that the owners didn't hate her guts.

It was a struggle to get to the top of the stool, being only as tall as a person half her age from her malnutrition, but she eventually managed it by scrabbling along the divider between the seat and the kitchen for leverage.

Once she had settled herself suitably on the wide stool, an aging man with more laugh lines than teeth came to take her order.

"Hello there, young man. My name is Teuchi, and I own this establishment. What would you like to eat?" He had an average voice, neither too soft nor too loud, but there was a boisterous undercurrent behind every word; clearly, this man was easy to like.

Remembering at the last minute to use her 'boy' voice, she said rather hesitantly "Um, I'd like a… Miso ramen, please." It had literally been the first thing she had seen on the wall-mounted menu. The pause was more due to the shock of how the kanji were instantly understood rather than indecision.

"Coming right up, little guy." With a smile that crinkled his eyes half-way shut, Teuchi moved back into his inner sanctum to prepare the dish that was his bread and butter. Unseen by Megami due to insufficient height, a small brunette girl on the verge of being a teenager helped her father in the process.

In a few minutes, in which Megami passed the time by muttering the dictionary under her breath and enjoying how she inherently knew the meanings of the words, her dish was brought to her, steaming as the broth rocked gently from the transition of Teuchi's hand to the part of the bar in front of Megami.

"Enjoy!" the man proclaimed kindly, before going back to his work. Megami took a few seconds to simply savor the sight of her first meal: the noodles clumping and floating in what seemed the perfect way, the ground pork boldly taking up its allotted space, the onions and corn floating through the two like shoals of patient fish in the cloudy broth. She was honestly fighting back tears at the sight.

"Is there a problem?" was the unexpected inquiry. Megami looked up to see a moderately pretty girl with short brown hair done up in a bandana looking at her from behind the counter. She had a similar bearing and facial structure to the owner Teuchi, so Megami assumed that they were related.

Megami scrambled for an excuse that would still be true; the senile Hokage might accept her infant lying skills, but she didn't know if this new girl would be able to perceive the truth. She finally settled on "No, it's just… I don't know how to use chopsticks."

Megami congratulated herself on finding such a good explanation, seeing as she had been in reality planning on drinking the ramen out of the bowl, unaware of how unacceptable such animalistic behavior was in most company.

The girl blinked at the knowledge, surprised that a boy coming to her dad's restaurant on his own without his no-doubt watchful parents would be unable to use the utensils. Taking it upon herself to amend this gap in the boy's learning, she kindly said "I'm Ayame; I'll show you how."

The girl came out from behind the counter, and showed the person she believed was a boy how to maneuver the strips of wood so as to bring food from the bowl to the mouth. Somewhat tentatively after the lesson, Megami took one final ambrosial sniff of the food, before using her newfound ability with chopsticks to get the first bite in her mouth.

With an ominous whimper, Megami's eyes rolled back in her head as she passed out, falling from the stool. Before Ayame could do more than gasp and call for her father, the orange-clad youngster awoke a look of intense wonder in his /her eyes.

Teuchi offered his hand, asking "Are you all right, young man?"

As Megami dragged her body into an upright position, she said, with the utmost formality, "That was the most delicious thing I have ever, _ever_ had." Such words are a surefire way into a cook's heart, and Teuchi was smiling brightly as he helped his customer back into 'his' seat.

With the air of one partaking of the ultimate pleasure, Megami ate her ramen in a frantic rhythm, her speed only increasing as she grew more braver with the chopsticks. If either Teuchi or Ayame felt disapproval at the veritable rain of broth on the bar, neither of them showed it. In less time than most would think physically possible, Megami had finished the bowl.

"I imagine you enjoyed that," Teuchi said, a slightly teasing tone in his voice; he felt no shame in mocking the youngster's manners, his age as much of a pardon as he needed. He started to make the receipt, naturally assuming that the one bowl would be enough for such a small child.

"You bet, give me four more!" Teuchi stopped, cleaned out his ears, and stared at the 'boy' sitting at his counter, only now noticing the near-manic gleam in 'his' eyes.

"Are you sure you want that much? It will cost a lot, and I don't know if you can eat it all," the cook said, trying to calm what suddenly seemed like a hurricane in a can, about to break at any moment.

Megami's only reply was to stare straight into Teuchi's eyes, letting him see the bottomless depth of her new addiction. "More!" she proclaimed, not even her subconsciously-taught manners from Yuusei stopping the demand coming from her suddenly slathering mouth.

Slightly in fear for his life, Teuchi hastily made the bowls and watched in mounting horror as his new customer practically inhaled them, the boy's eyes giving the man a glimpse into his mind, where the blond was cackling like a madman while ramen fell from the sky like rain.

'What terror have I unleashed?' was all that could go through the man's head.

Ayame was staring at her student, suddenly wondering if those stories about monsters that ate up everything in sight were true. In the time it took to eat half a bowl, this 'boy' had eaten four down to the base of the bowl. It was truly frightening.

Megami, unaware of all this, was in the middle of her own personal heaven. The ramen felt like liquid pleasure flowing down her throat, satisfying her hunger in a way she had never felt. No pain, no burning, just infinite sweetness.

Yuusei, the almighty Kyuubi no Kitsune, was forced to intervene to prevent his container from jumping the counter to swallow the cauldron of ramen still simmering on the stove. **'Okay, I think that's enough. Pay the nice man and leave him in peace.'**

Megami, no matter how stimulated her pleasure centers were, would not dare to upset the first being to give any form of care to her. She somewhat guiltily wiped her mouth on the sleeve of her jumpsuit. "Can I pay now?" she asked her shell-shocked servers.

Teuchi somehow managed to stammer out, taking comfort in the routine of his business, "That was five bowls of Miso ramen, at 80 ryo a bowl. Your total, with tax, is 420 ryo." Megami might have been imagining the slight tremor in the man's voice.

Reaching into her money pocket, she pulled out the wad of cash that the Hokage had given her, and pulled out five 100 ryo notes, ignoring or simply unaware of the stares the father-daughter duo were giving to the lump of money that was probably more than their monthly profit.

"Here, the 80 left is for making such good food!" Laying the notes on a (reasonably) dry part of the counter, Megami hopped the small distance to the ground, and set about looking for an apartment building with a vacancy sign, leaving behind two mentally-scared chefs in her wake.

Ayame said, rather fearfully, "I don't know whether to hope he comes again or pray that he never returns." Her father could only nod at this assessment.

It took ten minutes to find a building with empty rooms, where Megami just sat outside, unsure as to why she was here. She mentally queried Yuusei 'Why do I have to sleep in one of these buildings? What's wrong with the ground?'

Yuusei calmly replied, knowing that Megami was totally unfamiliar with social rules and expectations, **'If you slept on the ground, you would draw attention to yourself, because the villagers would think you a homeless orphan and take you to the orphanage, and we don't want that.'**

Megami had to suppress a shudder; the memories of the lynch mob might have been changed, but she still had over half a decade of pain in the orphanage engraved in her memory. If she had her way, she would probably burn the place, and then throw the ashes into a bottomless pit.

'**Besides, we need to build an alias for you, and this is the first step.'** Adequately understanding, Megami walked into the building and went up to the landlady, working on papers behind a largish desk.

The lady, one whom you'd swear was cloned and put in every library and office on the planet, looked down over her horn-rimmed glasses and asked Megami, in a sweet tone never before used on her, "Hello, little boy. Are you looking for your parents?"

Megami shook her head and said, in a half-bold half-meek tone that made her sound like she was trying to ask for something she knew she couldn't have, "No, thank you. I'm looking to rent a room." The last part sounded like a question, as if she were unsure of what she was asking.

The landlady blinked before taking off her glasses, letting them hang from her neck by a small chain. "I'm sorry young man, but I think I misheard you. Did you just say you want to rent a room?" Megami nodded, half-expecting the lady to start beating her like the people at the orphanage.

Thankfully, the Sandaime chose that moment to appear behind Megami in a flicker of air and put his liver-spotted hand on her shoulder. "It is okay, Ooyasan. I assure you that he can take care of himself."

In a flurry, the landlady was standing and bowing to the elderly leader, almost shouting "Hokage-sama!" Hiruzen rolled his eyes; why must all the villagers bow to him?

"Please, stand up. What is your name?" The Hokage had long ago learned that his subjects calmed down once he started to act like one of them.

The lady blinked, before practically stuttering "M-my name is Sohai, Hokage-sama." Hiruzen smiled gently, radiating calmness and gentleness to the slightly-distressed woman.

"Well, Sohai-san, this boy has recently escaped from an abusive home environment. I found him and am now trying to find him a place to stay. Would you please give him one of your rooms? I'll take care of all the paperwork myself." Megami suddenly found herself in awe of the Sandaime and his smooth lying powers.

A little flustered, the woman named Sohai hastily said "Of course," before handing her clipboard to the Hokage after filling out her signature in all the necessary places. With the air of a habit that would probably lead to carpal tunnel, Hiruzen filled out all the necessary information.

When she received the clipboard back, the landlady looked at the name before turning to the person it belonged to. "Well then, Uzumaki Naruto, allow me to take you to your room."

Megami cocked her head at the unfamiliar name while the lady was already moving. Hiruzen, sensing her confusion, whispered to her quickly "That's the name I forged for you. Stick to the abuse story and you'll do fine. I wish you luck." With that, the old ninja flickered away in a heat shimmer, leaving Megami to hurry after the diminishing form of the landlady.

After climbing up two flights of stairs, the landlady took out her master-key before opening the second door on the left. Megami walked in, and was amazed.

To anyone that had grown up in an upper-middle class economy, the room appeared small and cramped. To a girl who had spent her life sleeping on either the ground or in a broom closet with a window, it was a penthouse suite.

The bed was big enough to have five of her sleep comfortably, the kitchenette already had all the miscellanea that make up a workable cooking space, there was a huge couch with a small TV in front of it, and most of all, the whole place was big enough for her to sprint freely.

The landlady had a brisk, no-nonsense attitude as she explained the ground rules. "You are not to cause excessive or unnecessary noise. Any and all damages will have to be paid by you. I will expect monthly rent, including utilities and television fees. Hokage-sama has settled the down-payment and the first month, but I expect 5000 ryo minimum by the end of next month. Good luck."

And with that, she left Megami to her own personal devices. And that was a _very_ bad idea.

In the course of fifteen minutes, the bed had been jumped into near-oblivion; the refrigerator's contents examined, rearranged, then categorized alphabetically, the TV switched to every channel available, and the couch dissected. Megami wasn't even breathing hard, full of the curious energy of a child that a certain spandex-wearing Jonin was always preaching about.

Once Megami had inspected every iota of her new living space, she lay back on her slightly-bent bed and allowed the words of a timeless being fill her head. **'Now that you've had your fun,'** Yuusei started, barely containing his mirth, **'I believe that we should discuss what you should do with your new life.'**

'What do you mean, Yuusei-kun?' Megami asked, reveling in the feel of the cotton sheets beneath her.

'**I mean, what do you want to do now? Become a merchant, train to be a geisha, turn into a nomad and wander the world, try your hand at being a ninja? You might as well choose now. The decision is yours.'** Megami mulled over the question. What did she want to do? That was a rather big question, considering she had only just started to make conscious decisions in the last few hours.

She thought about her life before her: the omnipresent pain, both physical and spiritual; of feeling internal fire from her 'meals' alongside the void of being alone and unrecognized. She never wanted to feel like that again.

So, she wanted to be well-known. That could be accomplished simply by being extremely successful at something. Now, what could she be particularly masterful at?

She didn't really have any preferences for any particular art, having simply _survived_ for six years. So, it could be anything. But what would be easiest, now that was the question.

Lacking anything else to draw upon, Megami considered what the thrall would do to her. She had highly-concentrated power from her chakra that was even now morphing into that of a Hanyou. She had a bloodthirsty, battle-loving being inside her who would eventually be freed into the physical world. Her hands would turn into claws, weapons in their own right, as well as a tail that could be used as a third arm. And, Yuusei wasn't particularly eager for her to die by any means.

Add it all up, and the only option Megami could come up with was to be a warrior. The only warriors in the immediate vicinity that were teaching their trade were the ninja. From this, she could see that the choice that would be best was to become a Kunoichi.

There were a whole lot of holes in that plan. First off, she was living a lie. If she became a ninja, there would be background-checks, and from there her identity would only too soon be discovered. That would be unpleasant, to say the least. Conversely, if she was a ninja, then she would be protected by the law of Konoha.

Another problem was her false gender. Kunoichi, which she knew based off some of the knowledge Yuusei had given her, were often given missions that involved certain skills that they were taught specially in the Academy. Should she enroll, she would be put into the male class, and would therefore miss many lessons that might be needed _when_ she was discovered and listed as a Kunoichi.

A more immediate problem was money. She had no source of income, and 5000 was about half of the money she had left. In two months, she'd probably work down to at least that in food expenses, leaving her broke after the rent was paid. If she went to the academy, she wouldn't be able to get a job, leading her to either build up a usurious amount of debt or be tossed out onto the streets and be left to the 'tender' mercies of the Konoha Orphanage.

The biggest hole, in Megami's opinion, was the fact that she would be a ninja of _Konoha_. The idea of her becoming a tool for the village that had given her unparalleled amounts of pain made her physically gag. Unable to find a way out of the conundrum, Megami turned to Yuusei's advice.

'**Well, if you are dead set on being a ninja, I see a few ways around all these problems. The Academy, based off what the memories I absorbed by eating all those ninja six years ago, gives a pension to civilian families who send children to the Academy, as compensation, if you will, so that solves the finance problem. You might be able to spy on the Kunoichi lessons, so that could help things when the cover is dropped. As for the discovery, once you have that Hitai-ate, from what I can tell, it would take a signed order from the Hokage to have you ejected from the corps, and I don't see that old man doing that soon. I only have two alternatives to that last problem: by some miracle of idiocy forgive the village, or play the part until you defect to another or start your own.'**

Megami had, admittedly, stopped listening after the first few sentences. 'You absorbed their memories?' she asked, showing the interest of the young in totally meaningless details.

Yuusei sighed, before giving a brief explanation. **'It's a little-known trait of the Bijuu. If we are killing a certain species long enough, our bodies become… attuned to them. I've been killing humans for millennia, so basically I'm an encyclopedia from all the knowledge I've taken. But that is an irrelevant detail.' **He could not contain the note of exasperation in his voice at answering the question.

Megami felt her first flash of guilt at asking the needless question. Ignoring that, she considered Yuusei's advice. It _would_ be good to hone her feral stealth by spying on classes, the Academy would pay for the whole thing, _and_ that idea about starting her own village appealed to her; who couldn't take notice of a new village and its leader? Deciding that it seemed like the best course of action, her answer to Yuusei was 'I want to be a ninja.'

Megami almost reconsidered when she heard Yuusei's quasi-pleased-mostly-sadistic laughter in her mind. **'So, the new school year starts in… five weeks; that gives me thirty-four days to get you properly trained so that your brain doesn't turn to crap from the sewage I learned they teach. I'll let you have today off,' **headded in what was supposed to be a gracious tone.

Megami spent the rest of the day in the library, after discovering that the programs on TV designed for her age group were mostly watered-down brainwashing attempts. The librarian, looking like the landlady's identical twin, was glad to help the overawed boy-girl. After going through the swift process of procuring a library card, Megami went around pulling every book and scroll that seemed remotely interesting before piling the lot on an unoccupied table.

She dabbled in fiction and epics for about an hour, finding the vivid mental images and plots infinitely more appealing than the pathetic action shows made for the kindergarten generation. After that, she tried some nonfiction, and discovered that Yuusei had practically dumped the dictionary in her head: multi-syllabic phrasesthat would have stumped Chuunin fell like worshippers to her sponge-like brain. She was surprised how many times she cheated death after she found an informative manual on treating fatal injuries. She mentally thanked Yuusei for that, and was creeped out when the immortal _purred_.

Just as the librarian started making hints about closing up, Megami methodically put her borrowed folios in their rightful places, keeping three to check out. The first, andleast surprising, was a simple cookbook; Megami figured it would be cheaper to make her own bread and butter rather than always eat out. The second, questionable but not unreasonable, was a simple book entitled _The Beginner's Guide to Chakra and Jutsu Theory_. It _was_ a ninja village, so the librarian felt no qualms in marking that one in the Out list. The last one was enough to give the woman pause.

"_Mob Psychology and Victim Studies_?" the librarian asked to the diminutive youth; the shock in the woman's voice was not unwarranted, considering that the scroll was as thick as her fist. The young 'boy' only nodded, and the librarian dubiously marked it. "You have three weeks," the woman reminded the departing child; privately she thought it would take three months to read half of the last scroll. Megami vaguely nodded as she made her way out of the establishment.

Megami went back to her apartment, and started on the first dish she found in her cookbook. The apartment came with general ingredients, so she had no problem getting the materials. The dish was simple, filling soup that was laughably simple, but Megami found some difficulty in the concept of bowls and pots. Finally, after another hour, she sat down to her second meal and the first she made by herself. The meat was overcooked and vegetables nearly raw, but she ate with relish.

* * *

It felt like Megami's head had barely touched the pillow before Yuusei was screaming at her **'WAKE UP, YOU PISS-STAINED PIECE OF SHIT!' **Quite simply, Megami would not have been more shocked if she'd been plugged into a transformer. She fell out of bed in a disarray of limbs and sheets.

Before she had even picked herself up, Yuusei was yelling again. **'LISTEN, GAKI! I HAVE A LITTLE OVER A MONTH TO MAKE YOU INTO A WARRIOR BEFORE YOU GET BRAINWASHED INTO A TREE-HUGGING PATSY! TREE-HUGGING PATSIES ARE NOT PERMITTED IN MY BOOK! FROM THIS MOMENT FORWARD, YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A LUMP OF PUTTY THAT I AM GOING TO TRY TO TURN INTO A MASTERPIECE! I SAY JUMP; YOU DON'T SAY HOW HIGH, YOU JUMP! NOW GET UP AND RUN TO THE FIRST CLEARING YOU FIND IN THE FOREST! YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES BEFORE YOU HAVE A HEADACHE THE SIZE OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM! QUICK MARCH!'**

To anyone crazy enough to wake up at the crack of dawn, they would have been treated to the sight of an orange blur racing into the forest. Megami's every hair stood erect in fear as she pushed herself to move as fast as she could; Yuusei had been _scary_ when he threatened her.

With seconds to spare, Megami made it to a sizeable clearing; the abundance of nature informed her that it wasn't used by others for training. The thought barely crossed her mind before it swerved, crashed, and crumbled around Yuusei's commands. **'I'LL LET YOU IN ON A SECRET, MISSY! YOU'RE A FEMALE, AND A YOUNG ONE AT THAT! YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THE NECESSARY HORMONES TO HAVE THE MUSCLE I WOULD DEMAND A MALE COMPANION TO HAVE! SO, YOU WILL WORK ON YOUR STAMINA AND SPEED UNTIL YOU CAN DO A MARATHON IN TWO HOURS OR LESS! NOW DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY TO WARM UP!'** (The actual world record for women is 2 hr 15 min, but she's a ninja in training).

Megami was too terrified to do anything else but follow Yuusei's orders. She had read up on exercises yesterday, and so knew what to do. She quickly did twenty push-ups, surprised at how her muscles reacted to the exercise; it was as if they were burning with cold fire. However, she followed her thrallmate's commands, and soon also did twenty squats, sit-ups, and lunges. She quickly discovered the discomfort of copious sweat, and her body began protesting at the brutal exercise after years of pure adrenaline-fueled running alone.

If she had been hoping for a break, her hopes were let down. **'OKAY, MAGGOT! NOW THAT THE WARM-UP'S DONE, I WANT YOU TO RUN AROUND THIS CLEARING UNTIL YOU PASS OUT! THEN, YOU'RE GOING TO HUNT FOR YOUR BREAKFAST! ONCE YOU'VE EATEN, WE'LL WORK ON YOUR CHAKRA MANIPULATION UNTIL YOU CAN TELL ME HOW MANY UNITS ARE IN EACH BODY PART DOWN TO THE DECIMAL! AFTER THAT, I MIGHT JUST LET YOU IN ON A TRICK THAT WILL SPEED UP YOUR TRAINING CONSIDERABLY! FOR NOW, START RUNNING!'**

Megami, through fear and grim determination, managed to work her muscles in the necessary motions to run in the 10-metre circle, occasionally stumbling on overreaching roots. A few laps later, Yuusei asked in his 'training' voice **'WHY HAVEN'T YOU SAID ANYTHING, STINKWORM?'**

Megami wearily replied 'You never gave me the chance to, Yuusei-kun.' The instant the thought was completed, Megami felt as if her head was in vice, sending blinding amounts of pain through her head. As fast as it appeared, the headache ended. **'YOU WILL NOT ADDRESS ME THAT WAY! YOU WILL CALL ME YUUSEI-SHISHOU OR YUUSEI-SENSEI. IF YOU MANAGE TO BRING YOURSELF UP TO MY STANDARDS, YOU **_**MIGHT**_** GET TO CALL ME YUUSEI-KUN OR YUUSEI-NIISAN. UNTIL THEN, **_**KEEP RUNNING**_**!'**

Megami managed a weak 'Hai, Yuusei-shishou,' before continuing her run as the sun made its slow progress over the horizon. Every time she thought about stopping, she received another 'lightning headache', and she kept running. Finally, her brain forcibly lowered her blood pressure to protect against aneurysms, resulting in her fainting.

She had perhaps ten seconds' grace before she was woken by Yuusei's demonic interference. **'NOW THAT YOU HAD YOUR BREAK, YOU ARE GOING TO RECEIVE A CRASH COURSE IN TRACKING! YOU WILL TRACK DOWN A SMALL ANIMAL! YOU WILL CATCH IT WITH YOUR BARE HANDS! YOU WILL BREAK ITS NECK! DO ALL THIS, AND I'LL EVEN COOK IT FOR YOU! YOU HAVE ONE HOUR; GO!'**

Megami's muscles screamed in harmony as shedragged herself to her feet. Ignoring the synchronized protests, Megami made her way into the underbrush as silently as she could, looking for tracks. This was the first application of her survival skills, and she excelled. In less than fifteen minutes, she held a squirming rabbit in her hands. Years of a predator-prey mindset came in handy when she, only slightly hesitant, broke the animal's neck.

It wasn't killing a human being, but Megami still felt slight guilt as the life left the creature in her hands. It was scarily easy, and Megami felt herself questioning how strong a person could be if they were, in the end, as fragile and vulnerable as this rabbit. One twist of the right bone…

She was distracted when she suddenly felt her body move without her consent. She watched as her finger gave off a red glow before it moved across the hide, leaving a tear in its wake. Megami became aware of a pressure in her mind as her hand glowed red and started to cook the meat just by touching it. She pushed back against the pressure, instinctively fearing the thing controlling her actions.

Almost as soon as she pushed, the pressure disappeared and her limbs came back under her control. **'WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I TOLD YOU I WAS GOING TO COOK IT, AND YOU REPAY ME BY BULLDOZING OVER ME MENTALLY! YOU CAN EAT THAT AS IS!'** Megami felt shame at her blunder, but the smell of cooked meat was too tempting, and she only answered with 'Arigato Yuusei-shishou,' before digging in.

Once the slightly raw meal went down her throat, Yuusei took control again.** 'ALRIGHT! NOW YOU ARE GOING TO SIT UNDER THAT TREE AND YOU ARE GOING TO MEDITATE TO FIND YOUR CHAKRA!'** Complying, Megami sat down under the eaves of a comfy-looking tree. After seating herself to her liking, she tried to empty her mind.

With all her energy, it was maddening to have to stay still, but she persevered. Eventually, her focus turned inward. At first, there was darkness. But after a little digging, Megami found an amazing sight: a raging river of red-fringed blue light. Megami felt it pulsing and sparking, running through her entire body to sustain life.

For the first time that day, Yuusei was quiet as he told her what to do. **'I want you to grab as small a portion of your chakra as possible. Then, I want you to make it even smaller until I say stop.'** Eager now, Megami seized a portion of the chakra with her mind. It didn't seem to want to help; it slipped from her grasp, and she wound up with a giant chunk of chakra.

Concentrating, Megami cut the portion in half, and then cut it in half again, and so on. It was difficult to do so; it seemed as if the chakra was constantly trying to wiggle out of her grasp. After about five bisections, it succeeded, slipping out of her hold and back into the river.

Megami groaned at the loss, but tried again. It was slightly easier, but only slightly. The results repeated. Having inherited her stubbornness from both gene pools, she didn't give up, endlessly repeating the exercise. An immeasurable time later, she managed to bisect the chakra one more time. She saw this as a great victory, and tried to bisect it again. She managed it, but barely.

Panting with the effort, she tried to halve it one last time. Predictably, it slipped out of her hands, but this time she grabbed it back. It was slightly bigger, but she still managed to get it back. With a surge of glee, she renewed the cutting process. Uncountable slips and one total escape later, Megami's head was pounding, but she succeeded in getting a chunk small enough that Yuusei finally said** 'Enough.'**

Megami would have done a victory dance, if she weren't afraid that she would lose her tenuous hold on the mite of chakra.** 'This piece of chakra is equal to one unit. You have approximately 1600 not being used for life support. From what I can tell, that's about ten times as much as the average genin. However, this just means that it's near impossible for you to control. I'm frankly impressed that you managed it in one day.'**

For the first time in her life, Megami experienced glowing pride. Words could not describe the feeling she had when Yuusei expressed his approval. It died down, but she still felt warm. **'Now, I want you to let the unit go, and try to see hundreds of them in your chakra stream instead of one solid mass.'**

Almost reluctantly, Megami let the tiny piece of her chakra go. Megami then tried to focus on the flow itself. At first, she could only make out one huge stream. But, with severe concentration, she managed to break it all up into individual units, all flowing together like blood cells in a flow. Every unit was separate from the whole, yet they all moved in sync; able to break up like a shoal of fish, but still going in one direction together.

'**You may get up now,'** Yuusei told her, and she opened her eyes to let the world come in. Though the sensation was greatly diminished, Megami could still feel her chakra flowing through her. She was surprised to find the sun was starting to set; she had spent at least eight hours working on her chakra.

Yuusei, as was soon becoming routine, interrupted the moment. **'Before we wrap up for today, I'm going to teach you that trick I mentioned. It's a jutsu that I think is just perfect for you. It's called Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, and it has at least two variations. The way it works is that you split your chakra among several constructs, giving them form and life. Since they are solid chakra instead of chakra-infused elements or light, they are linked to you in a way other Bunshin are not, so their memories are transferred to you when they dispel, and they can do whatever you could do until they run out of chakra. As a trade-off, the chakra requirements are enormous, they dispel with one solid blow, and no physical exercise transfers.'**

Megami thought about the jutsu Yuusei was offering. It took lots of chakra, but getting the memories of the clones seemed extremely useful; she could learn things exponentially faster! As her excitement started to build, Yuusei internally smiled at her seemingly unlimited energy. He'd have to make sure that no sugar came anywhere near her.

'**Jutsu are performed by focusing chakra through handseals. I'll teach you the conventional ones later, but the handseal for the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu is a cross consisting with your right index and middle fingers pointing up with your left index and middle fingers pressed against them, with your left hand closer to your body. The normal requirement for this jutsu is around 100 units per Bunshin, give or take, but your chakra is more powerful than the average variety. Go for 50, and try to make four clones.'**

Ordinarily, Megami would have just used her borrowed multiplication skills and channeled two hundred units into the seal she formed with confidence. But, she was rapidly learning to never take what Yuusei said at face value. 'So, instead of using a hundred at once, if I use a hundred four times in quick succession…' Mentally crossing her fingers, Megami rallied up four groups of a hundred, and pushed them through the seal separately with rapid-fire speed**.**

There were four poufs of white smoke, and Megami was a quintuplet. She stared at herself with vast interest; she had never possessed a mirror, and she never hanged around water long enough to take interest in her reflection. Even disguised as a boy, Megami was overjoyed at her first look at herself. She loved how her hair matched her skin and eyes perfectly, though she thought about how black would provide more of a stunning contrast. All the same, she liked how she looked.

Yuusei chuckled, regaining Megami's attention. **'I'm pleased that you discovered the meaning behind my words. If you had tried a hundred at once, some units would have been 'pushed' out of the flow, thus wasting chakra and damaging the jutsu. Instead, you made the clones separately, thus severing the Gordian knot. You still used a few more than needed, but that's to be expected. With a little practice, you should be able to make hundreds in the space of a few seconds. Now, to test the memory transfer. I want you to send two pairs into opposite ends of the forest and play Jan-Ken-Pon. Once they do that, have them dispel themselves.'**

Relaying these instructions, Megami's clones nodded before going off in two different directions. A few minutes later, Megami had memories that weren't her own, yet were. Saying it aloud to confirm it in her mind, she said "The pair to the left won with a Ken-Jan, and the pair to the right won with a Jan-Pon."

Yuusei chuckled lightly, before abruptly yelling **'THAT IS ENOUGH FOR TODAY! I EXPECT YOU TO STUDY OTHER MATERIAL ON YOUR OWN TIME! WE WILL WAKE AT THE SAME TIME TOMORROW AND END WHEN THE SUN TOUCHES THE WEST HORIZON! YOU ARE DISMISSED! ANSWER ME, KUNJI!'**

Too tired to put up a fight, Megami yelled back 'HAI, YUUSEI-SHISHOU!" With that mental outburst, the exhausted girl made her way back to civilization. In a very battered and bruised state, Megami made it back to her apartment. The landlady gave her sweat-stained jumpsuit a _look_, but said nothing, leading to Megami's first excursion into the perilous lands of laundry.

She was pretty sure she used the wrong temperature of water, but the fashion monstrosity and her (male, since she hasn't _matured_ yet) undergarments were dry and wearable after her simple dinner, this time some chicken breasts. She was lucky her floor was unoccupied except for her; else her gender would have been revealed as she walked with no modesty to and from the laundry room at the end of the hall. Yuusei, not wanting to scar his thrallmate and student for life, refrained from dishing out _the talk_ to make her understand the importance of privacy.

After that, Megami spent the rest of the night reading her chakra manual, learning how it was made, what it was, and how it reacted to stimuli. Unbeknownst to her, she had a photographic memory, and she slipped into unconsciousness with half the book's contents absorbed and settled into her mind.

The next day started basically the same; she was rudely awoken, forced to run until she passed out, and caught her own breakfast, this time cooked by a conventional fire and a twig as a spit. After the last morsel went down her throat, Yuusei commenced the chakra section of her training.

'**I want ten clones, NOW!'** Hastily, Megami, with considerable effort, gathered 10 groups of 50 units, and let them out one at a time through the focus of her handseal. Coughing up smoke, Megami found herself surrounded by about a third of her chakra made corporeal.

'**Willpower can only go so far,'** Yuusei lectured, with Megami's undivided attention. **'Chakra control is the bread and butter of any notable ninja; knowing a jutsu does you know good if you botch it up or use up all your chakra doing it. I want your clones to work on a simple exercise meant to boost chakra control. I want them to use chakra to make leaves stick to their skin. Please vary the position: twenty-one memories of doing one thing in one area are the same as just doing it yourself.'**

Nodding, Megami coordinated her copies. "Alright, pay attention! I want you all to try and make a leaf stick to your skin using chakra. Start with one unit, and work your way until you find what works. I want you to check with each other to make sure you're all using different body parts: back of the hand, palm, elbow, whatever. Do it now." This was met with a chorus of "Hai, Nigousan." With that, the group went to help improve their mistress's chakra control.

After letting his student's ego swell a little, Yuusei had her go to a different section of the clearing, and had her make the same number of clones. Megami staggered a little as her chakra supply lost another third, but was rewarded with more Kage Bunshin.

Yuusei went into another lecture at this point. **'Genjutsu, or the art of illusions, is a complicated and subtle art, but as the vessel for the most powerful Kitsune in history, I expect you to at least be passably proficient. I want two groups of five, with each group casting the illusion in turn on their partner, until both groups dispel. The seals…'** and here he paused before Megami got another set of foreign memories, this time of all the handseals and their names. **'… Are Saru-Ini-I. The name of the technique is Genpou: Sakasa no Jutsu and it causes the victim's eyesight to flip 180 degrees. I'd say that they should use six units.'**

Megami relayed the commands, before moving into a calm part of the clearing and awaiting her own personal instructions. **'Before we work on you, I want two clones. One goes back to the apartment and reads up on your current supply of books, while the other stays at the library to find more information. I hope you're not a baka and send them both at the same time.'**

Muttering a little at the barb towards her intelligence, Megami made two clones and sent them towards Konoha, one waiting a full minute before approaching from a different direction. With that out of the way, Megami eagerly awaited her instructions.

'**There is a style of fighting that is devastating against individuals and crippling against groups. Since you seem like the kind of person to charge straight into an attack, this style seems perfect. However, it takes extensive training to even attempt this style, because it involves the Hachimon, eight chakra limiters or gates scattered along your spinal column. Opening the gates grants power to rival a Kage's, but there are several malicious side-effects, including death if all eight are opened. The style I want to teach you, aptly named the Kamiken, requires you to loosen each gate, which is a lot harder than it sounds once your factor in how hard it is to even find and open the gates. For now, I just want you to find the gates. Meditate on your chakra system, and try to find any places where the flow is slowed or diverted.'** Yuusei calmly waited calmly as Megami went about this task.

In a few minutes, Megami once again found her river of light. Concentrating, she scanned along the entire flow, trying to find anything that looked suspicious. She was completely lost after ten minutes. 'I don't even know where I'm looking!' she mentally complained, before realizing her mistake and trying to 'take a step back'. It took half an hour, but she finally succeeded in observing the entirety of her chakra network, running around inside the faint outline of her body**.**

Thus oriented, Megami started to probe around her back where Yuusei said the gates were. Ironically, the first one she found was the last and fatal one, the Shimon located in her heart. It was like a little filter, letting only about half the chakra that came to it through, to be joined with chakra from the rest of her body. Going on a hunch, Megami followed the primary channel that led to the Shimon. After a while, she found the Kyoumon in her large intestine.

From there, she slowly found the Keimon in her right kidney, the Tomon in her small intestine, the Shoumon in her liver, the Seimon in her right lung, the Kyuumon in her cerebellum, and finally the Kaimon in her cerebrum. Just as she found that last one, she was assaulted by a tsunami of phantom experiences, instantly giving her a headache. Once her brain stopped feeling like warm jelly, she opened her eyes to find herself alone in the clearing.

'**Fair warning: if you have all of your Bunshin dispel at once, you could potentially permanently damage your nervous system.'** Megami grumbled before filtering through the new memories. With a growing smile, she picked up one of the abundant leafs on the ground and stuck it to her head. With the application of two units of her chakra, the leaf stuck like glue to her skin, even when she vigorously shook her head.

Seeing a squirrel among the branches, Megami performed three seals before sending six units of chakra towards the creature. Said furry animal fell from its branch and continued to move erratically afterwards, as if it were seeing things upside-down. Having a laugh at the animal's expense, Megami lifted the genjutsu before setting off towards Konoha with a smile on her face.

Megami found that her clone had read through not just the chakra manual, but the whole cookbook and half the psychology scroll besides. She had gotten the last one in an attempt to see why the villagers were stupid enough to equate prisoner with prison. She now had a small mental database all about how the individual pathologically followed the group and the need of scapegoats and emotional release. It didn't forgive the villagers in her mind, but at least she could know _why_.

* * *

Megami wisely decided not to return the books, as the librarian would grow suspicious as to why 'she' hadn't returned them when she came by today. Speaking of which, Megami was now a connoisseur of literature on tracking, hunting, and social norms. The last one made Megami aware of how to behave believably in public, while the two former would definitely lead to more substantial breakfasts.

That night, Megami ate a more complex dish, specifically sushi, before falling into a dreamland all her own. The next month went like this: Megami would do calisthenics and laps in the morning, with a steadily increase in the former and the introduction of time limits in the latter. She would then eat increasingly larger breakfasts, looking at traps she had laid out earlier and hunting bigger game. This turned out to be profitable, as there was a furrier or two in the village willing to buy the animal skins, thinking her to be a son selling his father's wares for him.

Megami also used her diminishing money to buy chakra-based weights, which converted one unit of normal chakra into a gram, thus giving Megami twice the workout it would give a normal person. She was also forced in the early days to buy make-up to cover her whiskers, a source of embarrassment considering that her alias was male. That ended when Yuusei taught her the Henge. On a side-note, she really did look better with black hair, but she was perfectly happy with blond.

Back to the training schedule, after breakfast Megami would make three groups of clones. The first worked on gradually doing new exercises, creating variations of those exercises, and combining them. Through a devious mind and pure determination, she had gained high-genin chakra control, which would have been mid-chunin if her chakra had been normal. The second group worked on mastering the nearly-endless array of genjutsu Yuusei had accumulated over his immortal lifetime. The third read its way through the library while Megami herself cycled between loosening the gates, weapons accuracy from some _borrowed_ shuriken and kunai (it was good stealth training!), and working on omni-purpose, low-level ninjutsu.

She went to Ichiraku's twice and visited the Sandaime once at the Sarutobi compound. The old monkey supported her in her decision to be a ninja, and assured he would do the best he could to keep her in the ranks when her secret eventually got out. As for the former, Teuchi and Ayame were slightly masochistic in principle when it came to her visits. On the one hand, she was a goldmine; on the other hand, they still didn't quite believe she was human when she ate.

Finally, the day came to enroll. Making her way towards the place of learning, Yuusei kept lecturing her on the importance of keeping her cover and 'not turning into a tree-hugging patsy'. Megami simply kept saying 'Hai,' to her master/thrallmate. She had used a large but well-spent chunk of her finances to buy replacements for the orange horror the Sandaime called a jumpsuit.

Megami's hair was gathered in a small ponytail at the back, but the majority still spiked. The spikes looked masculine, and so helped her cover. She wore an open black jacket over a baggy T-shirt of the same color, with deep navy shorts and standard ninja sandals. In the shop, she had found a potential 'girl' outfit that just seemed _her_, but decided to buy later so that she didn't get the size wrong; she didn't know what size she'd be in six years.

Just as she was approaching, she had a brilliant, cunning idea as to how she would spy on the Kunoichi lessons. 'Why didn't I think of this before?' she asked herself. Yuusei didn't answer the rhetorical question, waiting to see what his student would do. Megami had grown more proficient at the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu than possibly any ninja in Konoha, due to her constant use of it. It only took 35 units, and there was just a wisp of smoke. The wisp was followed by another as the clone morphed into a short-ish brunette girl in an androgynous T-shirt and shorts combo.

Yuusei grinned at his student's ingenuity. The female clone, quickly named Mousetsu Ukiyo, stayed behind as Megami walked forward towards the desk where two chunin were taking names from newcomers and giving directions to the more senior classmen. "Name?" one of the men asked, barely glancing at Megami when it was her turn in line.

"Uzumaki Naruto," she answered, glad her fake name had a nice zest to it. "Status?" came the question. "I'm a civilian," was the answer. "Stipend?" the man asked, starting to annoy Megami with his use of one-word sentences. "Yes," she replied, giving the man a dose of his own medicine. "Mail?" he asked, displaying a lack of interest that would make a Nara proud. Megami curtly gave the PO Box to her apartment building. "Signature," he pseudo-commanded, tapping a dotted line in her row in the student ledger. Megami sloppily wrote out her alias, having forgotten to practice penmanship. The man didn't even look at the name. "134," he droned, giving the room number before waving her away with his hand. Suppressing indignation, Megami waded through a jungle of whining kids and weepy parents.

She didn't even feel a tickle in her heart seeing the various scenes of filial affection. She knew them for the bastards/bitches they were, and she had more than enough affection from Yuusei, in his own odd way of giving it. She finally managed to get to her own room to find herself the first one there, teacher included. Settling herself into a seat in the back where she could see everything, Megami waited.

Shortly, a pony-tailed man with an impressive scar on his bronze face came in wearing general chunin attire. Trying to be polite, Megami waved and said "Ohayo,' courteously.

The man waved back distractedly as he returned the greeting, attempting to get his desk organized. Leaving the twenty-something man be, Megami waited.

The first to come in was a pineapple-headed boy with such a bored and lazy expression on his face you'd think he'd stop breathing because it was too much work. He was closely followed by a round-ish boy with Akimichi spirals on his cheeks. Based off their apparent camaraderie, Megami assumed the lazy boy to be a Nara; there'd been extensive information on the ninja clans of Konoha in the library, including the renowned Ino-Shika-Chou trio. The two settled on the back row like her, after which the Nara went out like a light while the Akimichi opened a bag of chips.

A few more kids entered, including a Hyuuga that seemed to have a massive inferiority complex. Megami was surprised; if not the most arrogant, the Hyuuga was certainly the most self-assured clan in Konoha due to their ability to detect attacks from all directions from their infamous doujutsu. This girl acted like she had a giant target on the back of her neck.

A few more miscellaneous students, including her clone, until an Uchiha walked in. He had a cute face, but he looked almost constipated with anxiety. Following him was a solid wall of girls, all of them gaggling about something and occasionally giggling like crazy. Focusing chakra to her ears to see what the big deal was about, Megami heard one particular pair of girls, one of whom had pink hair.

"That dark-haired boy's so cute, isn't he Sakura-chan?" asked the platinum blond. The so-called Sakura replied with "He sure is Ino-chan! Do you think I should ask him out on a date?" "Heck yes!" was the enthusiastic reply. 'Ino' continued with "That's Uchiha Sasuke; I hear that his brother's some huge prodigy and that everyone's expecting him to be the same! He must be _sooooooo_ strong! Maybe _I_ should ask him out on a date." Similar conversation occurred around the two.

Megami was mortified beyond description. _Fangirls_. These girls just signed up to a job that would involve life-or-death situations, and all they were thinking about was a cute guy? They insulted the name of Kunoichi! The disguised girl seriously considered a sex-change operation.

Finally, everyone took their seats. The teacher stood in front of the chalkboard, with 'How to Be a Ninja' underlined on the board behind him. "Attention, class. My name is Umino Iruka, and I will be your primary instructor through the six long years ahead. I'm going to take attendance. When I say your name, I want you to stand up and tell everyone something about yourself." Taking out a clipboard from who-knows-where, Iruka called out for "Aburame Shino."

The sunglasses-wearing boy merely said he liked bugs, creeping out those unaware of his clan's techniques. The Akimichi said he enjoyed snacking, and the person after him revealed another useless fact about themselves. Except for the Hyuuga's stuttering and the Nara's refusal to say anything other than "Troublesome," it was a parade of boredom.

When Iruka reached her, she said in her boy-voice, half in frustration and half in truth "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and I personally feel that ninety percent of this class will die on their first mission." This was met with black glares, including a bemused one from Iruka. Megami sighed. It was going to be a _long_ six years.

* * *

**I apologize for the shortened length, but my keyboard is acting up and I wanted to finish this up before it totally froze. Hope you like it! Ja ne!**

**Translations:**

'Ooyasan' translates into landlady

'Gaki' roughly translates into brat

'Shishou' is an honorific for master

'Kage Bunshin no Jutsu' translates as Shadow Clone Technique

'Kunji' is a mode of address towards a student

'Genpou: Sakasa no Jutsu' translates as Illusion Art: Upside-down Technique

'Kamiken' translates as Fist of God

'Hachimon' translates as Eight Inner Gates. In order, they are '1. Kaimon 2. Kyuumon 3. Seimon 4. Shoumon 5. Tomon 6. Keimon 7. Kyoumon and 8. Shimon'. Translated, they are '1. Opening Gate 2. Rest Gate 3. Life Gate 4. Wound Gate 5. Limit Gate 6. View Gate 7. Wonder Gate and 8. Death Gate'.

'Henge' roughly translates as Transformation

'Hai' is used to express acknowledgment, formal and informal

'Ohayo' is used to say Good morning


	3. Chapter 3

**You know, I toyed with the idea of going through each of the six years of the academy, but I got lazy. So, I've skipped straight to the graduation test. Let the suspense slowly kill you as I reveal Megami's true powers a tidbit at a time! MUAHAHAHAHA!**

* * *

It was a quiet day in Konohagakure. The sun was shining, business was going well, and the graduating class at the Academy looked very promising. The Sandaime had finally managed to catch up with his paperwork, the bookstore had just gotten the newest shipment of Icha Icha, and the various clans weren't arguing over something random and useless for once. All in all, it was a good day.

Unless, of course, Uzumaki Naruto had decided to strike.

"Uzumaki!" came the general outcry, the curse coming naturally to the lips of the chunin squad chasing down the blond menace. Said prankster merely grinned eerily like a fox, before leaving his pursuers in the dust. Why was he being chased, you might ask? Well, you see, through the magic of pigments, dyes, and solvents, the Hokage monument now resembled a painting, with the Shodai looking like a clown, the Nidaime was crying Emo tears, the Sandaime looked like a senile cuckoo with crossed eyes, and the Yondaime was brooding with an exaggerated pout.

To all and sundry who were either ignorant, unperceptive, or both, they saw a notorious pranksters' latest exploit. To true shinobi and those in on the secret, it was a masterpiece of stealth and vandalism. Who could paint the Hokage monument without being detected until it was done?

The answer: someone extremely lucky or extremely skilled. Had the blond boy been an enemy, it could easily have been exploding tags covering the monument, which would have crushed half the village in rubble. The lower ranks were appalled; the higher ranks were deeply impressed.

Of course, to the creator of such vandalism, it was a combination of both views. Megami's time in the academy had been, in a word, a total-crock-of-useless-shit-taking-up-her-valuable-time. She had lasted precisely one year, forty-two days, and six hours from the moment she entered Iruka's classroom before she had cracked.

There was no doubt that Iruka was good at what he did, but what he did was brainwash and humor a bunch of children with illusions of heroism. In the six years as the class's instructor, he had taught them: basic martial arts, background knowledge, a vague understanding of genjutsu, how teamwork was a great asset, adequate accuracy, and three E-rank ninjutsu.

There had been absolutely no time spent on psychological conditioning for the killing they would eventually do, stealth training for infiltration operations, survival skills for long-term missions, basically anything a ninja needed in the real world. Megami had been sickened and disgusted from day one; Iruka was doing nothing more than creating loyal cannon fodder.

Finally, after the time above, she had rebelled. She purposely started to fail everything, quite literally making just enough good grades to pass. After a month of this, she had started coming up with the most outrageous ways to demonstrate the skills of a true shinobi that Yuusei, the great Kyuubi no Kitsune, had painstakingly instilled in her over the years.

Thus was born the Blond Harbinger of Chaos. In less than five years, she had: dyed all the Uchiha clan's underwear an eye-burning shade of orange, made money stolen from (bastard) merchants rain from the sky, made a papier-mâché sculpture from the Hokage's _**SIGNED**_ paperwork, unleashed water-balloons on the Hyuuga complex, etc. No one except a rare few, the mentioned in-the-know people, noticed how incredibly impossible it was to pull off each stunt.

Hence, the current situation: the utter destruction of the symbol Konoha's leaders, the villain of the crime fleeing from the shinobi sent to catch her. Megami was, however, faster than a professional sprinter going all-out at a fifth of her maximum speed with weights. Of course, chakra saturation in a ninja gradually increased their physical capabilities beyond any civilian naturally, but the implications were still impressive.

After an hour of mocking her would-be-catchers with her speed, Megami purposely let herself be caught by none other than Umino Iruka. It was an established routine by now: avoid pursuers, be caught by Iruka, act convincingly. As such, in ten minutes, she was tied up with rope in front of her laughing classmates.

There were three exceptions: Aburame Shino, who wouldn't show emotion if a giant bunny molested him; Nara Shikamaru, who merely groaned "Troublesome," and laid down for a nap; and Hyuuga Hinata.

Megami had worked a miracle upon the clan heiress. She had befriended the girl halfway through the second year, half in genuine desire for friendship, half to nip the growing crush for her alias in the bud; Megami would never subject such an innocent girl to the humiliation of eventually realizing her crush was of the same gender.

The bluenette had turned out to be surprisingly good company and 'Naruto' had been an extraordinary influence as her best friend, rather than a far-off infatuation. Hinata had lost her stutter, had accrued a decent amount of courage, and had finally started to seriously train with her clan. None too soon, as the Hyuuga council had been seriously considering branding her and making Hanabi the heiress.

However, Megami's natural aggression and confidence, however hidden by her disguise, had diffused into Hinata. As such, she now actually fought her sister in spars, instead of holding back so she wouldn't hurt the girl. Also, instead of just giving up when her father criticized her, she took it in silence and tried again until she got it.

The result: Hinata was easily the top Kunoichi in the class. Megami was extremely proud of her best friend, and trusted her unconditionally. She trusted her so much that, just six months ago, 'Naruto' had asked her to look at 'him' through the Byakugan. In an instant, Hinata knew the truth.

Things had been shaky for a few weeks, but Hinata finally came to terms with the news and became even closer to Megami as friend and unofficial sister. Megami was overjoyed at how her friend had accepted her, and had proceeded to confide all of her greatest secrets, from her parentage to her training to her thrallmate.

Hinata, instead of screaming in fear, was vastly interested in Yuusei. Overtime, Hinata had come to see the man… demon… whatever as a great teacher, both for helping Megami gain her considerable powers and being her companion. Hinata knew of all the Bijuu's crimes, but she also knew and accepted that the Kyuubi that had attacked the village and Yuusei in the seal were two different beings, due to the thrall. The lavender-eyed girl, because of this, was the most perfect friend Megami could have asked for.

Which meant that instead of laughing at 'Naruto', the girl winked at her disguised friend and gave her a quick thumbs-up for doing such a great job on the monument.

Iruka went into a prepared lecture on how foolish and childish it was to skip class and pull pranks, before giving a pop quiz as punishment. Megami was suddenly the target of twenty-eight tiny surges of killer intent, barely enough to make her blink. One by one the class went up to Iruka and performed a Henge.

Megami, as per usual, was thinking of a way to make a joke out of the exercise to mock the curriculum. Her idea was perverted, degrading, and would mentally scar everyone in the room. It was perfect.

When her fake name was called, she was released from her bindings and stood before her official teacher, while her real one was already laughing hysterically in her mind. Iruka ordered his student to Henge into him, unaware of the disaster to come. Megami grinned with semi-sadistic glee, setting off alarm bells in Iruka's head, before putting her hands into the Hitsuji seal, gathering the necessary units of chakra (strangely, the ninja world didn't have a measure for chakra; the units idea was developed by Yuusei) and proclaiming "Geiteme no Jutsu!"

In a poof of smoke, Megami had transformed into a naked Sasuke, with a few changes: there were flabs of fat all over the body; the face looked like it was made to brood and pout more than usual; and there was a sign over the crotch that read 'I have a tiny penis'. The male half of the room shuddered in horror, the females screamed in terror, and Iruka had a mini-seizure. And then, the thing talked.

"Hello, my name is Uchiha Sasuke!" it said, in a high-pitched, stereotypical gay voice. "I'm an Emo avenger wannabe, and I jerk off at the idea of killing my brother, even though he's _waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay_ too strong for me to ever dream of beating! The entire village wipes my ass for me and gives me whatever I want! I have tons of fangirls, but they just don't get the fact that I'm as queer as can be and want to find a nice gay guy like me whom I can dominate to my heart's content with my centimeter-long lovestick! _Go spoiled homosexuals_!"

The boys in the classroom were either twitching with mortified laughter or jumping out the window to escape, the assorted fangirls were suffering from aneurysms, heart attacks, or just plain shock. Iruka was twitching on the ground, Hinata had her eyes and ears covered while humming at full volume, and the Uchiha heir in question was so incredibly furious that his chakra was literally setting fire to small objects around him. He wasn't gay, he was bisexual!

Mercifully, the thing disappeared, to be replaced with the honorary dobe, who was quickly rolling on the floor laughing so hard the guards at the gates wondered what was going on. "YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACES! I WISH I HAD A CAMERA!" The laugh continued to sing out, Megami temporarily forgetting to put in the masculine tone.

However, her false identity was saved by the boy she had just royally embarrassed, by his flying through the air to tackle her. Out of reflex, she dodged the lunge and put the scion of the near-extinct clan in a suppression hold. The distraction was enough to remind Megami to fake her voice, so what she said next sounded like it was coming from a male's throat.

"Lighten up, teme. It was a joke!" The words fell on deaf ears, though. The cold, logical, semi-human Sasuke was hidden under layers of hubris-fueled rage. It probably would have developed into a full-on wrestling match, where Megami's emerging 'assets' might have been revealed despite her baggy clothing, had not Iruka recovered and broken up the potential fight.

Once Iruka had managed to perform his meager healing arts upon the class, after tracking down the ones who had fled in fear, the students were back in order. Iruka, with vindictive joy, informed 'Naruto' that he would have to clean the entire school until it was spotless, followed by the Hokage monument's clean-up.

The class was let out early due to the day's traumatic events, leaving Megami to begin her role as janitor. Deciding against using any of her various Bunshin, Megami began cleaning the school, thinking of it as training for detecting traps and cleaning your tracks. With this mode of thinking, Megami washed, dried, and shined every inch of the Academy. The Monument took even longer, well past sunset, with Iruka watching her like a hawk as she painstakingly removed the paint she had placed on the mountain. Thankfully, it was water-based.

Three-quarters of the way through, Iruka asked Megami/Naruto a question. "Naruto, why do you do these pranks of yours? They only build you a reputation of being immature." Megami's answer was sweet and simple. "Training," she said, not even glancing away from her work.

Iruka blinked; he had expected the answer to be somewhere along the lines of 'to get attention'. The idea of his student's ludicrous exploits as training was laughable, nigh impossible to believe. However, Iruka did not challenge the blond on semantics. "Naruto, tell you what: if you finish fast enough, I'll treat you to dinner!"

The reaction was instantaneous: Megami cackled like a madman. "It's your wallet Iruka-sensei!" With that slightly ominous statement, Megami halved the weights she wore on her wrists and ankles. Before Iruka's eyes, Megami's speed tripled, resulting in the mountain sparkling in the space of a few minutes.

Iruka barely had time to blink before he was being bodily dragged by his student. When his soles stopped burning from fiction, Iruka found that he was in front of a ramen bar he had frequented a few times. Iruka was a bit shocked at the blond prankster's enthusiasm, but silently followed the hopping blond into the small establishment.

'Naruto' was greeted with obvious warmth by the owner and his daughter. The blonde then informed them that Iruka was paying for everything. Iruka, veteran Chunin, saw the looks of pity from the wizened chef and began to feel worried. Five minutes later, the scarred man was miles past panicked. His most annoying student was eating with all the intensity of a starving dog, the speed of a cheetah on the hunt, and the daintiness of a housecat. The used bowls were staking at an alarming rate, without so much of a drop of broth to mark they had ever been filled.

Just as Iruka wondered if he would have to liquidate his bank account to pay for this one meal, the blonde proclaimed that 'he' was satisfied. Iruka stared at his student's midsection, amazed that there wasn't some external sign of the massive amount of noodles inside. But no, the extremely loose black shirt was still wrinkled as it normally was; no hint of a bulge.

The bill was enough to make Iruka faint, but he paid it, silently swearing to himself that he would _never_ treat this child ever again. It was all the man could do to remind the boy that the graduation test was tomorrow before making his way home. Megami grinned at her teacher's expense, before making her way to her apartment.

The place was mostly unchanged from when Megami first got it, except for the small training dummy in the corner and the bookshelves filled to bursting. They were mostly fiction, as she enjoyed rereading her favorites and finding new elements, but there were a few of her more shinobi-related scrolls tucked in, copied word for word from the ANBU Ninja Intelligence Library. That particular heist had been close, but worth it.

On the days Megami didn't fill the daytime hours with her pranks, she snuck into forbidden places during the night. Her targets had included the Forest of Death's central tower, the ANBU headquarters, the Hokage Mausoleum hidden inside the monument, and once the Konoha Bank, though she had only done the last for fun; she was fine on the financial front.

Megami gently fell to sleep, her internal companion passing the night thinking about the future. Megami had altered the mindscape to his liking: he was now sitting in a meadow surrounded by trees. Should he attempt to leave the meadow, the branches from the nearby trees would form into an impenetrable wall marked with the seal, which was only months away from breaking. Yuusei thought about what to do when the seal broke, how Megami could accomplish her goals, and sometimes he just thought. In this way, the night was passed.

Megami woke up just as the sun rose above the horizon, stretching her body to work out some kinks. Once that was done, she leapt out her window, headed towards her old training ground from six years ago. Once there, she did her calisthenics, now 150 each. After that was done, she ran her usual one-and-a-half marathon around the village.

When her leg muscles were burning, she paused, performed a minor Suiton jutsu to simulate a shower, before heading back to her apartment for breakfast. When her belly was full, Megami exchanged her black shirt and navy shorts for a near-identical pair, carefully hid her ponytail with a minor genjutsu, before making her Ukiyo clone.

The construct had been useful; the kunoichi training was at least more interesting than Iruka's, albeit mostly useless. Sure, Megami knew a lot more about flower-arranging and the tea-ceremony than she ever thought was possible, and it would probably help in infiltration, but she could have easily learned the same from the library, which she had practically absorbed over the years.

Nonetheless, she made Ukiyo every day, though she planned to have it fail the graduation test today. There was no need to mess up the rosters with a student that would disappear permanently the day after the test. Megami let the clone have a ten minute head start, before serenely making her way to the Academy. She debated whether to play the barely pass game, or to make her old identity go out with a bang.

When she arrived, she took her usual seat next to Hinata. The predictable gossip about how 'the dobe and the Hyuuga' were dating had died long ago; it was clear to a blind man that the two were close friends, but nothing more. She and Hinata chatted about which missions they hoped to get when they passed, until Iruka called the class to attention.

"Today, you will be taking the exam to determine whether or not you will become Genin of the proud village of Konohagakure. The test will compose of three parts: a written examination, a taijutsu tournament, and a ninjutsu portion. The papers are on your desks; begin."

The next thirty minutes were filled with the sounds of scratching pencils. Megami decided that she would show some of her real skills, and answered almost every question correctly, purposely missing a few so that Iruka didn't get too suspicious. When the papers all collected, Iruka with his assistant Mizuki led the class outside to the training yard. Iruka explained the rules there. "Two boy's names will be randomly picked, before they spar with pure taijutsu until I or Mizuki declare a winner. This process will continue until we have the final two, who shall compete as usual. The winner will receive an automatic hundred on this portion of the test. We're grading on a point system, so don't think you've failed just because you lose your first fight. The tournament shall be repeated for the girls. Afterwards, we will return inside for the ninjutsu portion. The first fight is between Aburame Shino and Uzumaki Naruto. Hajime!"

The two called moved into the middle of the field, while the other students stayed by the sidelines. Megami quickly sized up her opponent. Shino wasn't allowed to use his Kikaichu bugs, but that didn't mean he was a push-over; the boy probably used the Academy style with a few outside moves thrown in. Megami simply centered herself, before settling into the basic form of the Kamiken.

Shino raised an eyebrow at the unfamiliar stance: 'Naruto' had his legs spread at shoulder width, with the left foot ahead with the right at a diagonal behind it. The blonde's body was held so that the left side was presented to Shino, while her arms were held loose and hanging, totally relaxed. Shino noted that his opponent's center of gravity was very high, so he prepared himself for some jump attacks.

A leaf was pulled by the wind from a nearby tree. It drifted on the zephyrs, before it landed in-between the two combatants. It was a silent signal, and the two rushed forward. Shino was faintly surprised at his enemy's speed, but kept his focus, throwing a textbook jab at 'Naruto'. The blonde's arms came up, one twirling around Shino's arm, grabbing it and twisting it uncomfortably. As Shino bent to the right with his arm, Megami's other arm came up, punching the bug-user straight in the solar plexus.

The blow was surprisingly powerful, and the Aburame involuntarily crumbled around the fist. As Shino bent at the waist, Megami jumped up, throwing a snap kick at the boy's face while still holding onto his arm. The prepubescent boy went from curling forward to leaning back from the force of the blow, his entire body lifting off the ground. As the two were in the air, Megami physically lifted the boy above her head, before throwing him towards the ground. The whole sequence took perhaps ten seconds.

Shino's sunglasses were cracked, his nose was bloody, and he was knocked out before he hit the ground. The class and teachers stared in disbelief; right in front of them, the dobe had utterly destroyed the quiet Aburame with just four moves. The blonde wasn't even breathing hard! Iruka cleared his throat to break the silence, sent Mizuki to take care of Shino, and gave Naruto the hundred he deserved, wondering where the boy's moves had come from; he was only average with the Academy style, and the one the boy had used was foreign to Iruka's experienced eyes.

Megami walked back towards the group, the other student's giving him a wide berth, to stand next to Hinata until her alias was called again. She heard the other students talking about how she had decimated Shino. She didn't care; that was the way the Kamiken worked. There was only one tenant to the entire style: remove all who stand in your path. It was just simple and vague enough to provide a focal point for the various kata.

Megami watched as the other boys fought it out. Shikamaru took one punch before giving up, Chouji proved to be very resilient, and Sasuke showed why he was rookie of the year, despite the third-degree BURN that he had gotten yesterday. Megami's next two opponents were disposed just as easily as Shino, further increasing the mix of interest and fear directed at her. It got down to her versus Kiba, while Sasuke went up against a civilian who was doing surprisingly well thus far.

Kiba fought like a berserker, charging forward blindly while dishing out broad, powerful slashes with his sharpened nails. However, his momentum proved to be a weakness just as much as strength: Megami gave a punishing haymaker to Kiba's chest during one of his charges. The canine-boy folded like origami paper. Sasuke, predictably, dealt with his enemy with the characteristic Uchiha grace and power.

After a brief respite, Sasuke and 'Naruto' were called for the final match. Sasuke, while still angry over yesterday, kept his head and reviewed what he had learned about the dobe's new style. Even without the Sharingan, Uchiha had a natural gift for analyzing a style and figuring out how it worked after only a few times seeing it.

From what Sasuke could tell, 'Naruto' focused on neutralizing attacks, and then inflicting crippling blows. There were few blocks, the blonde focusing more on dodging with 'his' impressive speed. Sasuke predicted that he had to either be faster than the dobe, and he suddenly wasn't sure he was, or seizing the first opening he found and keeping up the heat.

The two didn't move for a few minutes, each waiting for the other to move first, each subtly shifting stances to block moves before they happened. Eventually Megami, impatient at best, rushed forward towards the last loyal Uchiha. The boy smirked; bingo. Megami went for a leg sweep, but Sasuke jumped over it, already moving his leg to kick Megami in the chin. Said blond grabbed the limp, before slamming its owner to the side before regaining her feet. Likewise, Sasuke rolled with the impact to lessen the damage, crouching after his inertia ran out.

Sasuke revised his strategy; he couldn't go into the air like that. This time, he rushed forward, aiming a punch at Megami's midsection. She twirled in place, deflecting the punch and bringing herself into the Uchiha's guard. However, the broody genius pulled off some pirouettes of his own, bringing his right leg in a swinging kick with Megami's head. She smirked, leaning back to avoid the hit, simultaneously bringing up her right leg. Call it a low blow; call it dishonorable, it was still effective. Megami's right foot made solid contact with Sasuke's crotch.

The power behind the blow sent Sasuke flying forward, clutching his groin in pain all the while. Many boys winced. Before Sasuke could break through the pain, he felt an arm wrap tightly around his throat in a sleeper hold. "Uzumaki is the winner," Iruka stated, making a note on his clipboard. Megami let the Uchiha go, going to lean against the wall of the courtyard. Meanwhile, Sasuke's mind tried and failed to process what just happened. He was an Uchiha! Only an Uchiha was able to beat another Uchiha. And yet, the dobe with no clan had done it, without any apparent effort. He would have called it all a bad dream, except for the pain in his scrotum. As the arrogant genius tried to come to terms with what happened, the girl's tournament began.

The tournament went quick; almost every girl was a fangirl, and thus never exercised in fear that Sasuke didn't like sweaty girls, and skipped meals constantly to stay thin. Ukiyo and a few others outright gave up, while the remainders were cut down by Hinata like rice paper. In ten minutes, Hinata had her perfect score.

The class then made there way back inside, Shino and a few fangirls brought back to life by ammonium carbonate aka smelling salts. Once every one was back in his or her seat, Iruka explained the last part of the exam. "You will be called in alphabetical order to perform one the three ninjutsu we taught you, chosen by me. Mizuki and I will grade your performance and give you a hitai-ate should your average score of all three tests be a passing grade."

Megami waited patiently while Shino, then Chouji, and so on went out of the room and either came back with a hitai-ate or a dejected expression. She smiled warmly at Hinata, who was wearing the symbol of a Konoha shinobi around her neck. Eventually, her fake name was called. She calmly got up and went to the examination room, where Iruka and Mizuki waited behind a desk.

"Naruto, I want you to create three or more Bunshin," Iruka said, secretly worried; the 'boy' seemed to have problems with chakra control. Megami just sighed; she hated the jutsu, because it actually required fractions of her chakra units. However, she dutifully made the three hand seals, gathered three groups of two and a half units, and pushed them out through her hands.

In a poof of smoke, there were four of Megami, though one looked a little pale and ghostly. Megami inwardly sighed; her chakra, both supercharged and bountiful, made B- and A-rank jutsu _easier_ to perform than E- and D-rank. However she still practiced them so that she could, in a pinch, perform them: look at how many lives Kawarimi alone had saved! Iruka looked over the Bunshin and said "Well, it's a close call, but you pass the minimum requirements, Naruto. That, with your impressive writing and taijutsu scores, means you pass. You may take one of the hitai-ate on the table."

Megami grinned, and took the headband, tying it around her forehead to keep her bangs out of her eyes. She then calmly walked back to Hinata, accepted her quiet congratulations, and waited until the end of the day. She wondered if she should reveal her true identity now. No, she wanted a dramatic entrance for herself.

When the bell rang, Megami calmly walked outside with Hinata. The two said goodbye, before Hinata went with the Branch member sent to escort her while Megami started on her way home. However, she was stopped by a surprising individual. "Naruto-kun, wait up!" Megami turned around, to find that none other than Mizuki wanted to talk to her. "What is it?" she asked, alarm bells going off in her head from the man's odd vibe.

The man grinned sadly, before saying "I'm sorry, Naruto-kun, but I'm afraid to say that, with your scores over the year, we can't actually let you pass." Megami immediately sensed a lie; she had 'acquired' the grade book, and she should have been passing, just barely, but still passing. "So, I think that I should let you in on a secret extra credit assignment." The white-haired man then outlined how Megami was supposed to steal the Forbidden Scroll and learn a jutsu from it to pass.

Megami almost laughed out loud. Was she really that convincing? Only a complete and utter moron would belief the crap that Mizuki was spewing! It required high-jonin level stealth to enter the Hokage Tower undetected, and the entrance to the scroll library that held the Forbidden scroll was right across the hall from the Hokage's office. It would take a master of infiltration to even dream of getting the scroll and coming out of the tower alive. And, the jutsu in that scroll, the weakest of which was A-borderline-S, had chakra requirements that made even the ANBU captain, the second-most powerful man in the village, gulp.

In other words, completely impossible for a freshly-minted genin. 'But,' Megami thought, 'he would know that. But, he also knows that me and Hiruzen-jiji are close, so I could probably waltz right in to meet him, incapacitate him and the ANBU with something like the Geiteme no Jutsu, and grab the scroll before anyone recovered'. Megami gained a tiny modicum of respect for Mizuki; his plan to steal the scroll by playing on the fears of the class idiot was dumb, but it could work, provided the 'carrier pigeon' stayed trued to form.

As Megami thought all this, outwardly she acted the perfect role of 'overeager schoolboy'. With a promise to meet Mizuki in the forest, Megami continued on her way home. She couldn't refuse, because Mizuki could probably change her scores if she refused, meaning she would have to repeat the year, which would be very annoying. Plus, Megami smelled the perfect chance to reveal her true identity to the world. She loved dramatic entrances.

And so, Megami calmly waited until nightfall to carry out her little plan.

* * *

It was nightfall, and the moon shined like a celestial pearl in the sky. Mizuki made his way through the ninja highway in the trees, headed towards the clearing where the class idiot was waiting, hopefully dead from chakra exhaustion. Mizuki grinned as he thought about how well his plan had worked. The news that a certain blonde prankster had stolen the Forbidden scroll had been music to the white-haired man's ears. He just knew that the brat had used some vulgar transformation to knock out the Hokage or something like that.

And now, he made his way through the forest of giant trees, to claim the scroll and join his master Orochimaru. However, he became aware of a presence slightly ahead of him, moving at the same speed as he was. Mizuki realized that it was Iruka, and silently cursed. The annoying teacher would probably let the brat in on the truth, or take the scroll if the prankster was dead. It would be bothersome either way, so Mizuki put on some speed, so he could join up with Iruka and pretend to look with him before stabbing him when they found the brat.

The bronze-skinned Umino glanced at Mizuki, but continued going forward in his search for his student, oddly going straight towards where the brat was supposed to be. Mizuki chalked it down to the man's strange ability to find the boy when no other ninja could. In a few minutes time, they both landed in a clearing occupied by a naïve blond and the folio that listed jutsu powerful enough to be used against a Kage.

Mizuki was disappointed in the boy's lack of unconsciousness, and was also suspicious as to why the boy looked like he had been expecting them. Despite this, he put on a smile and asked, in the tone he thought befitted a concerned teacher, "Naruto-kun, there you are! We've been looking for you."

The boy deadpanned "I'd hope so, considering that I just stole arguably the most dangerous object in the village. Under your orders, no less." Mizuki clenched his teeth: now he had to kill Iruka. However, he was slightly unnerved by the boy's attitude: it was much more serious than the boy had ever been before. "Still," the boy said, continuing with his tone, "I'm glad you're here. Now, I have an audience." Iruka, speaking up, asked "An audience for what?"

The boy grinned, and both men present felt a tingle of awe at its sheer dark glee. "My unveiling," was all he said, before he exploded in chakra smoke. Mizuki gulped, because where once he had only sensed the chakra of a mid-level Genin, he now felt a well of chakra that felt bottomless in its sheer size and power. As the smoke cleared, he witnessed one of the most shocking sights he had ever seen.

Standing before him was a young woman, who looked to be in her early-teens, though her chest had already grown generously for someone in her age group. She was tall for a girl, closer to six foot than one might expect from someone her age. Her hair was held in a ponytail that reached to her lower back, gold like liquid sunshine and shimmering in the glow of the moonlight. The front of her face was framed by two long strands of hair, reaching her chin. Her skin was a light brown, like it had been in the sun for a few weeks. Her eyes were a crystal blue, and seemed to have an unnatural depth. Her features, from her eyebrows to her lips, all seemed perfect; Mizuki mused for an instant that she would be a heartbreaker when she grew up.

She was clothed in a sleeveless black tank-top, made of a seemingly durable material, and her arms were covered with armored mesh, like a certain purple-haired snake mistress. Her legs were covered with black pants that allowed full range of movement, held by bandages on her lower legs. Her feet were bound in steel-toed boots, of the ninja variety so as to be flexible and able to resist wear. She had kunai-holsters attached to the side of her thighs, and shuriken-pouches on the back of her supply-belt sometimes used by ninja. At her left hip there was a coiled chain whip, and at her right there was a kodachi sheath; odd, as they were usually strapped to the back. Around her forehead, the Konoha symbol flashed proudly on its metal plate on her hitai-ate.

Iruka was the first to recover. "Who are you? Where's Naruto?" he asked, a hint of fatherly worry in his voice. This obviously dangerous beauty laughed at this, and her voice reminded Mizuki of the roar of the waves and wind: beautiful, but powerful. "There is no Naruto," she said, focusing her eyes on Iruka, who shivered under the penetrating stare. "There was never a Naruto. He was just a cover I used until the time was right. As to your first question, my name is Megami, Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune and presumed dead after I was attacked six years ago."

Mizuki felt his blood run cold. He vividly recalled the night he had joined the crowd hell-bent on finding the Kyuubi bitch and making her pay. He remembered finding the child, black with filth, and watching as she was beaten beyond recognition as a human, and the joy he had felt as he ravaged her body for his own pleasure. He also could still see Hatake Kakashi, with his fist of lightning piercing her chest.

This girl looked at him, and he could see the hate in her eyes. "I remember you, Mizuki. I remember how you were the first to rape me and that you were the one that set off the others. If you knew how much I wanted to kill you when I first saw you in class, you'd shit your pants." The girl, the Kyuubi bitch he had long thought dead, then smiled. "You have no idea how glad I am that you told me to steal this scroll. Now, I can execute you as a shinobi of Konoha for coercing a fellow ninja into committing an S-ranked crime."

Mizuki forgot about the scroll, as his anger at the monster in human form that had killed his family rekindled. "Like hell!" he screamed in sudden fury, before grabbing one of the two Fuuma shuriken on his back and letting fly. Iruka was still too shocked from the realization that the container of what had killed his parents and his favorite student were one and the same to do anything. He didn't have to.

As if it had been choreographed, the girl now revealed as Megami leaned to the left, letting the giant throwing star fly past her. Mizuki let the other go, but it was dodged with the same effortless grace. Too enraged to think clearly, Mizuki rushed forward to engage his target in taijutsu. The blow was caught just as Shino's had been, but this time Megami's hand clenched hard enough to crack Mizuki's ulna and radius. The man howled with pain, before lunging out with a kick. It was intercepted by one of Megami's own, this time breaking the tibia and fibula. Before Mizuki could even react to the pain, Megami's fist was suddenly in his gut with enough force behind it to rival Tsunade in a PMS rampage. Mizuki's arm was torn out of its socket as the punch sent the rest of his body flying across the clearing and through a tree.

Mizuki's screams of pain echoed through the night. He tried to get up, but Megami was suddenly there, with a kunai pressed to his throat. Her smile would have made Yuusei proud. "I could just kill you now," she said, pushing the dagger in slightly for emphasis, "but that wouldn't be as satisfying as knowing you were suffering the tender mercies of that interrogation guy, Ibiki. So, you get to live." With that, she tapped his temple with a chakra-laden finger. He was instantly unconscious.

Megami got up, and dusted off her clothes. It was her outfit chosen specifically for when she was a girl, and she liked it immensely. Thorn and Stem were comfortable weights on her hips, and the clothes in general gave her a sense of power, the feeling that anyone looking at her immediately thought 'total badass kunoichi'. She walked back towards Iruka, making a Kage Bunshin to carry Mizuki. She had become extremely efficient at the jutsu; she could perform it without seals and use half the chakra it normally took. And, since her chakra was supercharged and came in spades, she could literally make an army without lifting a finger.

Iruka looked like he was in a mild state of shock. "Who are you?" he asked, staring at Megami with fear; the girl who had revealed herself as a Jinchuuriki had utterly destroyed a Chunin with pure taijutsu, dislocating his held arm with the force of her punch. Megami thought about the question. "Well, this morning I was your student," she said, a little mirth in her voice. Iruka laughed a little, but was still on guard. "Come on; I need to give this scroll back to the Hokage; he only let me borrow it to lure out Mizuki." Without another word, Megami started walking towards Konoha with the scroll, her Kage Bunshin dragging Mizuki along.

Iruka followed in a slight daze, watching as the girl he had thought a boy for six years move with an unconscious grace. He had always resented the 'Kyuubi child' but he had never hated her, and had certainly not taken part in the torture she had experienced at the villagers' hands. He didn't know what to make of her: treat her exactly like Naruto, resent her as he formerly had, or just go with the flow. He decided on the last one. Ten minutes later, he was in front of the Hokage himself, the bruised body of his fellow teacher dragged off towards the interrogation chambers and the scroll still in Megami's hands.

"Ah, Iruka-kun, I see that Megami has let you in on her secret," said the village leader, smoking on his pipe with a serene expression. "And Megami-chan, would you mind handing back that scroll there? I have no doubt you've somehow memorized it, but I'd still feel safer if you gave it back." Iruka blinked; to think that the Hokage would so casually speak of a near-thirteen year old girl memorizing a scroll containing S-ranked Kinjutsu!

Megami smirked knowingly, before tossing the large scroll to a seemingly empty spot, before an ANBU materialized and caught it. The village elite bowed to the Sandaime, before carrying the scroll away. "Now," the Sarutobi said. "Megami, I'm glad that you've finally revealed yourself, but now we have the Council to worry about. They don't seem to grasp the fact that they were only meant to advise me, not order me to do things to satisfy their own gains. Still, they could cause a lot of noise, so prepare for a chorus of 'The demon must die!'" Megami only shrugged.

The Sandaime chuckled at her dismissal, before turning his eyes to Iruka. The man unconsciously straightened his back and stood at attention. "Iruka, your students are going to be a hassle when they see Megami tomorrow, and I'd prefer the civilian families hearing of this after I can settle down the major clans. I am charging you as Hokage to think up the most convincingly lie you can to explain how the 'dobe' was really a Jonin-class female the whole time." Iruka gulped, before glancing at the blonde girl next to him. Jonin-class? At her age?

However, the girl didn't react to this, and the long habit of obedience held. "Hai, Hokage-sama," he said, already imagining how his class would react. Hiruzen nodded, before waving them away. "Go home to sleep. I need to meet with the jonin to determine the teams." Iruka nodded and turned to leave. Megami grinned, said "Goodnight, ojisan," and flickered out of existence. Iruka raised an eyebrow, but his mind was too desensitized to be surprised. As he made his way home, the elderly Hokage smiled; things were DEFINITELY going to get interesting around here.

* * *

The next day, all who had graduated the test the day before entered the Ninja Academy, going to their classroom to await their team placement. Those who entered Iruka's classroom were in for a surprise. Seated where the dobe usually sat was a girl, the most beautiful anyone in the class had ever seen, armed like a serious ninja. The boys stared, while the girls became self-conscious. However, everyone wondered exactly who this unknown girl was. Surprisingly, Hyuuga Hinata sat down right next to her, and the two started talking like they were old friends. Most people were surprised, since the girl was only this familiar with the dobe, who surprisingly wasn't to be found.

Finally, just as Iruka was about to come in, Kiba sauntered up to the new girl and asked, secretly checking her out, "Hello, who are you, new girl?" The girl stopped her chattering with the Hyuuga heiress to look at the boy. "When asking someone's name, it's proper manners to give your own first." Her voice was clear and high, with a hint of majesty and power. Kiba, in his own little world believing himself the Alpha and this bitch worth his time, said with a surprising show of manners "My name is Inuzuka Kiba." As he said this, his eyes zeroed in on the new girl's well-developed chest.

The girl grinned with amusement, before holding up three fingers. "You want to know who I am. I'll give you three words: Geiteme. No. Jutsu." Kiba's jaw dropped along with the rest of the class. "NARUTO?!" came the startled cry, to which the fair-haired beauty merely shrugged.

Sakura, irritable at the dobe at the best of times, yelled "Ha, ha, Naruto. Now drop that disguise!" Megami looked at the pinkette with distaste. She'd never liked her, and her self-proclaimed undying love for the Uchiha automatically marked her as an obsessed fangirl. She ignored the girl, returning to her conversation with Hinata, whom had taken her true appearance in her stride.

Kiba, meanwhile, was suffering from damaged pride and embarrassment, and quite rudely said "Come on, dobe. Drop that dumb Henge!" When he was ignored, he yelled "Enough with the joke, Naruto!" before bringing his arm up to bonk the still-disguised blonde on the head. In a flash of movement too quick for his eyes to see, his fist was caught by Megami's petite hand. The rest of the class was shocked; first the dobe pulls off this Henge joke, and now he stopped one of Kiba's fists without looking?

Megami looked up at Kiba, looking annoyed. "It's bad manners to hit a lady. And before you call me Naruto again, let me tell you that this isn't a disguise! _Naruto_ was a disguise." As she said this, Iruka entered the room. Megami let go of the confused Inuzuka's fist, while said boy made his way to his seat, his familiar Akamaru barking at him to soothe his ruffled temper.

Iruka looked at the class, noted how they were all staring at Megami, and prepared his speech to the class. "Congratulations, everyone! You are on your way to becoming proud Shinobi of Konoha. I can see that you've already noticed Megami. Let me assure you that she was indeed our class prankster. You see, at a young age Megami was placed in danger due to circumstances I am not allowed to divulge. It was the Hokage's decision that she be protected by taking up a new identity, namely that of Uzumaki Naruto. However, it was decided that when she graduated that she could take care of herself, and so she was given permission to cast off the Naruto persona. And so, here she is." The class all stared at Megami, trying to wrap their minds around how the dobe that they had known for so long was in fact this girl. Sasuke, however, was suffering from a severe blow to his ego, as he realized that he had not only been beaten by a no-name with no clan, he had also beaten by a _girl_. Only an Uchiha could beat an Uchiha, and Uchiha women were inferior to Uchiha men!

Megami silently applauded Iruka for his lying skills. It was so full of half-truths and vagueness that only the outright suspicious or the Nara clan could tell it was a lie, and Shikamaru was still asleep. After giving the lie, Iruka continued with "Now, I am going to call out a list of teams and that team's Jonin sensei. We make these teams to maximize the usefulness of fresh genin, and to increase your skills alongside your companions. If you do not wind up on the team with your best friend, I'm afraid you'll have to deal with it. Now, Team One is comprised of…"

Megami wondered what team she would be on as Iruka read one through three. The old man wouldn't put her with Sasuke, despite her alias's status as dobe, because the Council would have gone nuclear, as they had probably found out about her. Besides, there had been an uneven number of graduates due to Ukiyo and a few others failing, so the Council had probably slipped in an ANBU to 'protect the last Uchiha' or some stupid crap like that. As for Hinata, she would probably play tracker with Shino and Kiba, and Megami knew that the Ino-Shika-Chou trio was going to be renewed. That left her with a bunch of fangirls and civilian boys with maybe one or two from minor clans with extra training.

Her musings were rendered unnecessary by Iruka calling out "Team Four: Raikou Shima, Isagiyoi Banjin, and Megami. Your sensei will be… Mitarashi Anko." Only Megami read the mingled anxiety, fear, and mild infatuation in Iruka's voice. It was warranted; Megami had seen the torture specialist around town and aside from practically flaunting her considerable _assets_, the woman was downright crazy. Still, she was surprisingly powerful for her rank as Tokubetsu Jonin, and Megami had no doubt that she would be interesting.

Megami's thoughts turned to her teammates as Iruka moved on. Shima was a fangirl, almost as obsessed as Sakura or Ino, but at least had good control and reserves going for her. Not much compensation, but Megami thought that with a little work and some deprogramming, she could turn out okay. Banjin, on the other hand, trained constantly with his father, brother, and three uncles, all jonin. The boy was a severe sexist; not surprising, since his mother had died in childbirth and his only female contact had been with the fangirls, all of whom were generally weak. Megami sensed a rough start, but felt that the boy could turn out to be a good friend. Megami vaguely recalled him working with ninja-wire, so she decided to look out for that.

As the rest of the teams were called, with a collective groan from the girls when Sakura and Sasuke were assigned to the same team with a 'provided teammate'. Megami continued to talk with Hinata through lunch, discussing teammates with a half-joke on Hinata's part that maybe Kiba would stalk her. Megami made a mental note to keep an eye on the Inuzuka heir; the boy had the makings of a real lecher, and with his view of the world, he didn't exactly hold the feelings of girls in high regard, since the 'Alpha' could have any 'bitch' he wanted. She wished her friend luck, before deciding to go meet her teammates. "Well, might as well see what I have to work with. Ja ne, Hina-chan." Hinata smiled and said, in her quiet voice, "Good luck, Megi-chan."

Megami made her way through the courtyard, looking for her teammates. The other students seemed to unconsciously give her a wide berth. Megami chuckled as she realized why; her Henge into Naruto had always been interwoven with genjutsu so that her true powers wouldn't leak out, as most would keep their eyes on anyone, from toddler to retired merchant, with as much chakra as she had. Her peers sensed her vast chakra on the subconscious level, and instinct dictated that they avoid someone as 'dangerous' as her. Megami was just glad that no one got in her way.

She found her teammates together in a far corner, not talking to each other. Megami sat down near them, studying them with as much open rudeness as they were at her. Shima wore a deep purple happi kimono, with her clan crest of a ship on the sea on her back. Her pants were black, and much tighter than they ought to be, and stopped above her ankles clothed in standard Shinobi sandals. Her ash-blonde hair fell stylishly down to her shoulders, and her mud-brown eyes seemed to sparkle as she talked. Her pale complexion complimented the whole.

Banjin, with skin like oiled teak, wore a black vest, showing off his corded arms and clinging to his chest muscles, impressive for his age. Megami was fairly sure that the boy was as physically fit as he could be at his age. His hair was the same color as his eyes: midnight ebony. Around his wrists he wore bangles, which Megami noticed were outfitted with ninja wire; the boy would be able to shoot it out with a flick of the wrist and some chakra to guide the strings. His shorts were baggy, letting him move comfortably, and held standard kunai holsters. Instead of sandals, he had opted for black sneakers.

After a few minutes of staring at each other in silence, Megami asked "Are either of you going to talk, or are we just going to wait in this awkward silence?" There was no reaction. "Okay, I was really a girl the whole time. So what?" Still no reaction. "Could one of you say something before me start blowing things up in boredom?" That worked. Banjin cracked an eyebrow, as if to ask 'are you serious', while Shima seemed to gather her courage to speak.

"You beat Sasuke-kun. How?" she asked, her voice sounding like it was underused. Megami bluntly said "I avoided his attacks and then kicked him in the balls. That's how." The girl seemed to cringe at the slightly vulgar term. "What, the fangirl who plots to get in the Uchiha's pants along with twenty others of her kind is a prude?" Banjin couldn't suppress a snicker at this point, while Shima's cheeks darkened in a blush that made her skin seem mottled and uneven.

The casual slinging of insults on Megami's part probably would have continued indefinitely, had not the call to come back inside came. The three of them got up together, Megami's two peers dragging behind her, and went back to their classroom to await there sensei. They didn't have to wait long. Almost as soon as they sat down, one of the windows exploded, yielding a spinning ball of khaki and purple, four kunai, and an opening ball of cloth. The kunai embedded themselves in the walls, holding up a giant banner that read 'Welcome the super sexy and cool sensei to Team Four: Mitarashi Anko!"

The ball of color landed in front of the banner, revealing the infamous ex-apprentice to the Hebi-Sannin. Her purple hair was held in a ponytail/bun reminiscent of Shikamaru's pineapple do. Her sizeable chest was hidden from the world by nothing more than an opaque layer of fish-net. She wore an open khaki trench coat, loaded with weapons if the bulges were anything to go by, and a brown miniskirt that stopped less than halfway down her thighs. She had shin- and forearm-guards made of steel, and wore a pair of thin, black sandals.

In short, half the males in the classroom suffered nosebleeds as their hormone-fueled minds went into overdrive. Megami was impressed by the display; it wasn't easy to aim accurately while spinning through the air. She turned to face the class and yelled, in a fashion not unlike Megami's alias, "Alright, you green-horned brats! Would the unlucky saps that got saddled with me please stand up, while the rest of you kindly stop looking at my chest?"

There were blushes galore, including Iruka, while Megami, Banjin, and Shima stood up to be acknowledged. "You're the pipsqueaks I need to deal with? Well, follow me! We've got a bit of a run before we get to our training grounds; it's this lovely spot outside the village named the Forest of Death! Now go!" With that, the scantily-clad woman turned around and jogged out the door, her new students belatedly following her.

Anko kept a punishing pace and by the time they reached the village gates, Shima was breathing heavily and lagging behind the sweaty Banjin and the fresh-as-a-daisy Megami, whom slowed her pace to become even with Shima. Now, Megami could probably have spent all her time until the Chunin Exams blowing off everything and only working when the moment called for it. But, she knew that even someone as powerful as her couldn't do everything alone. She couldn't kill every bad guy, and so Megami decided that it would be better in the long run if she became friends with her team and brought them up to her level instead of leaving them in the dust.

Thus, she ran alongside Shima, offering encouragement and secretly sending tiny bits of her chakra into the perspiring girl's body to give her some energy. If the girl was surprised by her aid, she didn't show it, and together they reached the clearing outside the dreaded Forest of Death where Banjin was greedily sucking in oxygen and their sensei leaned against the fence waiting for them.

Just as Shima's respiration rate reached normal levels, Anko pushed herself off the fence to stand before the three children. "Listen up, maggots! Just so you know, I am technically not a Jonin. However, last night, the Hokage offered me a 'trial run' of sorts: if I can train you squirts to the point that you all pass the first time you take the Chunin Exams, then I get promoted. Therefore, it is now my job to shape you all into something that the village can throw at a few dozen enemies and sleep safe afterwards. But," she exclaimed, her eyes flashing with sadistic glee that sent shivers up every spine except Megami's, "I'm not going to waste my precious time on some worthless sacks of phlegm. So, I'm going to put you three through a little test."

Banjin puffed up his chest, trying to make his muscled form more intimidating as he asked "What kind of test? Didn't we just go through the Academy test yesterday?" This was met by hysterical laughter on his sensei's part, and surprisingly a snicker from Megami, who tried to cover it as a cough. The purple-haired kunoichi finally mastered herself, before asking incredulously "Don't tell me you thought that pathetic little course yesterday was the real test! Konoha doesn't have the time nor the resources to keep every hopeful that comes out of the Academy. The Academy test weeds out the hopeless, but the Jonin test weeds out the insufficient. And fair warning, I'll only take on the best."

With that, the woman settled into a stance, putting her students on alert. "The test is simple: you three have to drive me to the point that I use my Kuchiyose no Jutsu, which I only use in emergencies. You are authorized to use any and all force you individually deem necessary, including deadly. Just to warn you, I won't be sitting idle; I'm going to track you three down like animals and beat the hell out of you. Good luck; you'll need it. You have two hours; begin!"

**

* * *

I'm sorry for how short it is, but I swear that I'll update sooner. Enjoy your lives!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Insert run-of-the-mill introduction. Please review. Please.**

* * *

The instant that the last syllable left Anko's mouth, Banjin sprang into action. Despite knowing full well the power of a tokubetsu jonin, due to his uncles' brutal training spars before and after their various promotions, Banjin still believed that the fight would be easy. The only living creatures with two x chromosomes he had ever met were fangirls, all of whom he could have beaten blindfolded. In his mind, girls simply couldn't win against guys. So, he threw a punch at his sensei in all confidence that it would hit.

However, contrary to Banjin's beliefs, a great many females could kick his gender's ass. The Godaime Mizukage was a woman, as was the widely considered second-strongest member of the Sannin. Anko wasn't quite in the same league as those Kunoichi, but she was more than a match for twenty of Banjin. The punch was dodged and countered faster than the young boy's eyes could track. Anko didn't believe in holding punches even for little kids, so the ninja-wire specialist flew a good ten feet from the impact. The boy moaned and clutched his abdomen, before falling limp: the pain had knocked him out.

Shima panicked at the display of strength, and started to wildly fling kunai at Anko, with a pitiful amount of strength. Anko plucked one out of the air and used it to deflect the others. The snake mistress then threw the kunai at Shima, who barely dodged the speeding knife. Using a quick Kawarimi, Anko appeared behind the girl and gave a swift chop to the neck, knocking her out for a spell.

Anko turned to face Megami, who hadn't moved an inch. "Two down in less than a minute; what the hell's wrong with the Academy? In my day, first years did better than this." Megami simply shrugged. "You going to talk, or am I just gonna kick your ass like I did with your teammates?" No response. "Have it your way then." Fast as thought, Anko rushed forward, her hand already forming into a jab to hit a pressure point that would freeze the girl more effectively than a winter in Yuki no Kuni.

The hit connected… and the girl dispersed into smoke. 'What? Kage Bunshin?' was all that went through Anko's head, before her danger sense went off the scale. Anko jumped to the right out of pure instinct. A foot came down where her head had been two seconds ago, creating a crater when it impacted the ground. The foot belonged to Megami, whom turned and threw a kunai straight at Anko. She didn't need to say it, but she did so out of kindness. "Kage Kunai no Jutsu," she said.

Anko's eyes widened as the one kunai multiplied into twenty. However, she wasn't being considered for Jonin rank for nothing. With incredible speed and flexibility, Anko twisted and dodged around every single kunai. If she wanted a break, she was disappointed. With speeds Anko didn't believe possible for someone that young, Megami rushed forward and engaged Anko in taijutsu, a strange faint purple glow around her.

Anko dodged every punch, though barely. Anko couldn't believe the power behind the blows; afterimages trailed after each fist, and tiny gusts of wind were born from the force of each attack. Anko involuntarily compared it to the time she had challenged the psyche ward escapee Maito Gai to a spar. After ten more seconds, her luck ran out. Megami, with no mercy, delivered a kick that cracked every rib in Anko's chest. At least, it would have, had not Anko turned into a mass of wet brown.

Before Megami could even react, the real Anko jumped over the fence from where she'd been hiding in the forest and rushed forward to punch the blonde right in the back of the head. Said aspiring Kunoichi collapsed into smoke. Anko cast her senses out, searching for her potential student, before bringing her fingers into the Tora seal and muttering "Kai." With a slight pulse of chakra, Anko dispelled the genjutsu cloaking Megami, having her appear a few feet away from Shima.

"When'd you make that genjutsu?" Anko asked, staring at the only of her three potential students to put up a challenge. Anko, as she spoke, took notice of what she had ignored out of arrogance: an invisible aura of danger cloaking the blonde girl. Danger is a vague and abstract thing, and only a rare few can exude it the way this girl was. There were only two other people that Anko knew who gave off that aura: the Hokage in a bad mood, and her former sensei.

Megami shrugged, before replying "Around the same time you made that Tsuchi Bunshin, i.e. before I came here. It was a Kage Bunshin that ran here. I knew that 'the crazy snake lady' practically lived in the Forest of Death, so I just made the clone, did a shunshin, and cloaked myself before you arrived. I'm rather disappointed that you didn't notice me. I wouldn't want my sensei to be inadequate at genjutsu." She then indicated her two incapacitated teammates.

"I needed to see how you fought, so I let these guys flail around a bit. From what I can tell, you focus on subterfuge and quick takeouts. You'll send a clone before you go in yourself, and you prefer debilitating pressure points and nerve clusters to an all-out taijutsu showdown. You have a strong Doton affinity, though you have some Katon, and you keep your snake techniques in back-up. You have no weapon preferences outside kunai and shuriken, though you can use senbon to great accuracy. You've trained yourself in speed and reflexes rather than strength and stamina; what's the point of outlasting your opponent if you can take him out with one blow? You are willing to use your seduction skills in combat if you have to, hence your revealing clothing. All in all, you're formidable, but easily defeated with the right strategy."

Anko stared in shock, and rightly so. In the ninja world, to have an opponent know your strengths was to have your death warrant signed. It didn't matter if you were a lowly genin or a Kage: one exploited weakness, and you were dead. If your enemy knew how you fought, then he could plan how to counteract it. To have this random girl proclaim a word-for-word account of Anko's personal style was, in a word, astounding.

"What are you, a stalker? How did you find that out about me?" Anko had no idea who this girl was, but it was blindingly obvious that she wasn't an average genin, at the very least. Anko momentarily debated between undercover ANBU and foreign spy. Megami grinned, and explained her methods in a kind, yet gloating tone.

"Chakra is like a fingerprint; given enough time, I can use a form of chakra-sensing to map out a person's entire mode of combat. Your chakra has a memory, just like your muscles. I can read which jutsu you use as if they were written across your forehead, and tell your weapon preferences and taijutsu based on how your chakra 'remembers' moving when you were training or fighting someone. It takes tons of concentration, but with my genjutsu, I can hide until I've finished, as I just did."

Megami then, in a slightly ominous manner, cracked her neck and her fingers. Anko, pushing her surprise at the ingenious and near impossible method back, readied herself for an assault. Then, with a grin that sent a shiver up even Anko's spine, Megami put her hands into a cross-shaped seal. "Tajuu Kage Bunshin no Jutsu," she uttered into silence, before the clearing was absolutely _spammed_ with clones. Anko got the distinct feeling that she was in the eye of a blonde-and-black hurricane.

"Now that the warm-up's over, let's fight!" The words came from every direction in eerie synchronicity, sending chills up the spine of any creature with auditory capabilities. In a flash, Anko was attacked on all fronts. The horde of Megami clones rushed forward, the closest ones charging forward at incredible speeds with the same odd purple glow as before, while the ones near the back started to throw kunai and shuriken like party favors. In the confusion, the real Megami picked up her two teammates and disappeared in a sudden haze.

Anko stared at the onslaught of oncoming death, and smiled like she'd just been given a lifetime supply of dango. "Kid, you've just made my day." With that, Anko _moved_.

Her speed from before looked like a snail's crawling compared to her sudden agility. The Megami clones doing close-combat might as well have been standing still. Anko looked like a striking cobra: she would disappear without a sign, only to reappear and strike with lightning speed at a clone, dispelling it, before disappearing again. She was a viper, stealthily approaching the prey before lashing out faster than human eyes could perceive. The army of copies seemed to be spontaneously erupting into smoke.

The storm of kunai and shuriken that filled the air either hit nothing but air, or seemed to lose all kinetic energy and fall dead to the ground. The projectiles that suddenly lost momentum were the only warning as to where Anko was, not that it helped. If a clone stood in Anko's way, it died. In the milliseconds in which she could be seen, an ear-splitting grin adorned her face.

Megami winced from her hidden perch in one of the few trees in the area. She was getting about three days' worth of memories of getting killed by Anko. They were small pains, considering how fast the deaths came, but they built up. Luckily, Megami had long since discovered an interesting side-effect of prolonged use of the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. You know how people sometimes say 'one part of me says… another part says…'? In Megami's case, it was literal; her mind was so accustomed to splitting itself to form Kage Bunshin that her mind was now literally in pieces. She wasn't crazy, by any definition of the word, but she could now assign different tasks to different parts of herself, effectively thinking many things at once. She was 'master' and they were 'subordinates' that supplied her with the result to whatever question or task she assigned them. It was a life-saver with the Kamiken; it would have been impossible otherwise to maintain the total focus needed to keep all eight gates cracked without accidentally opening them all and killing yourself. Now, it was handled by one of the 'mini-minds'.

As her sensei kicked her ass repeatedly, Megami crouched over her two teammates, preparing to wake them up. Megami had numerous medical jutsu held in back-up, on the off chance her near-regenerative healing abilities didn't cut it. She also had two or three packets of smelling salts in a storage scroll, just in case. She used none of these, preferring a rather ruder approach. Frankly, Megami didn't believe that the two had earned the use of her personal supplies or the concentration needed to force the liquid chaos that was her chakra in the gentle preciseness of Tsunade's art. So, she used chakra to gather moisture from the air, chilled it with the proper application of more chakra, and dumped the now-ice-cold water on the heads of Shima and Banjin. It was impolite, but effective. The two were up and sputtering in seconds.

"Where the fuck am I?" Banjin asked, quite rudely, while Shima seemed to be convulsing from looking around her to find out where she had awoken. Megami gave them both relatively light bonks on the top of the head to catch their attention. "Shut up, Banjin. My clones aren't going to keep Anko-sensei busy forever." Banjin, while rubbing his head, took stock of his surroundings for the first time, before outright gaping at the sea of clones that were being systematically dispatched by his new teacher.

"How the heck is she moving that fast? Not even my dad can move that fast, and he's a Jonin! She's just a Tokubetsu, and even more, she's a _she_! What's going on?" Banjin could do nothing but stare at the area where his sensei was moving. Men were better than women, in every way! How could some no-name lady just being considered for Jonin rank be moving faster than his dad? Banjin just sat there as his world went slightly askew as one of its key foundations was challenged.

Shima spoke up, answering Banjin's rhetorical question. "My mommy mentioned her once. Her sensei was Orochimaru, _the_ Orochimaru, strongest of the Sannin. When he went rogue, everyone assumed she was a spy for him. She was demoted from a lieutenant in the ANBU to a Chunin. The Council tried to make sure that she wouldn't get back, but Hokage-sama was more forgiving, and kept the heat off her. My guess is that she had to fight tooth and claw to get where she is now. If she's faster than your dad, it's probably since she's trained herself into the ground to get back into the elite; if she started out in ANBU, I don't even want to guess how strong she is now." Shima shivered as she watched another hundred of Megami's clones simply disappear while she talked.

Megami raised an eyebrow. "For an Uchiha fangirl, you're surprisingly smart. Yes, she fell from grace because no one trusted old snake-face. No one has the balls to do something outright mean to her, but the Council didn't get where it is by playing by the rules. If my research is right, her Jonin test was sabotaged six different times. An ANBU at fourteen, and she's just now is getting a chance at being a full-fledged Jonin. Man, aren't we lucky that our sensei is such a badass?"

Shima frowned at the excessive language, but nodded in agreement upon seeing Anko throw a clone with enough force to dispel the ten behind it, in the space of a second. Banjin, meanwhile, was experiencing a bit of a breakdown at seeing a female firsthand outclassing his dad, the strongest person he knew. Men were better than women, right? Right. Right?

Megami snapped to get there attention, before laying out a plan that, with a bit of luck, would bring their sensei down. With Shima shaking and Banjin slightly vacant, they agreed. They waited until Anko had cleaned up the last of the clones, before they struck. Anko looked up to see all her pupils conscious and waiting for her, Megami in the front. Anko grinned and said "I gotta say, you're good Blondie. The old man said you were special, but I just thought that he was just being kind. Now, I see he was right. But, that doesn't change the fact that I'm going to kick your ass, and the other kids' as well."

Megami grinned, before speaking seven very intimidating syllables: "Don't underestimate us." With that, Banjin and Shima Henge'd into Megami, and said blonde deactivated half her weights. The chakra surge from the release made the hairs on the back of Anko's neck stand at attention. Then, without further ado, Megami formed what was quickly becoming a very unpleasant seal. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu," was said, and the clearing was filled once again.

Anko, slightly more cautious, moved at the same level of speed that she had before. It was that caution that saved her, as the clones _were keeping up_! They weren't moving as fast as she was, but they were moving fast enough that Anko now had to dodge if she didn't want to get hit, and her blows might be dodged. Instead of standing still, the clones were moving in slightly slower motion. That didn't stop Anko from taking down a fair few, but now she had to watch out for punches and kicks that were sure to pack some serious firepower.

A few seconds later, Anko was treated to another pleasant shock: Anko had lunged for a particularly slow clone, forgetting in the heat of battle to be suspicious. Her fist phased right through the clone, revealing it to be a simple Bunshin. Anko realized an instant too late that it was one of Banjin's or Shima's, right before the nearest clone kicked her in the side. Anko flew ten feet, knocked into a few clones, and grimaced as the lancing pain informed her that she had at least two cracked ribs. Damn, this girl was freakishly fast _and_ strong, with a helluva lot of chakra to boot.

Anko didn't have time to lick her wounds, as a wall of kunai was suddenly launched at her, while she was still getting back on her feet. She didn't know which were Bunshin and which weren't, so the purple-haired sensei was forced to dodge them all. There were a few slip-ups, and now Anko had a few shallow cuts to go with her broken floating ribs. Anko was forced to admit that the strategy was good: bombard with Kage Bunshin, mix in Henge'd Bunshin, and catch the enemy when they were caught off guard. She would have marveled at its genius, had she not currently been the victim.

Anko continued on, being much more careful to not overextend, but she couldn't keep up. Bunshin were self-sustaining until dispelled, and the blonde girl had seemingly unlimited chakra to use for more Kage Bunshin. Five minutes later, Anko was a little worse for wear, and she hadn't even touched any of the real kids: a few times when she'd slowed down to hit the super-slow Bunshin on the off chance they were the real thing, she had sensed a Kawarimi before she had hit a solid Kage Bunshin. She had to slow down so she wouldn't fumble if it was a Bunshin, and that gave the real kids the time to substitute with another clone.

The sad part was Anko knew the perfect way to clear away all the clones. But, that would mean the brats would pass, because Jutsu Anko had in mind was the Kuchiyose. Anko wasn't quite that desperate yet, though, and she had a few tricks still up her sleeve. Taking a deep breath, Anko started to perform hand seals faster than a hummingbird's heartbeat. Gathering the necessary chakra, Anko yelled as a battle cry "Doton: Doryuudan!"

A dragon's head made of mud rose up at Anko's feet, before spitting out numerous globs of mud at about 1000 ft per second. Clones were dispelled by the bucketful, and in less than ten seconds, the field was alone except for her, the blonde, and the other two gasping gaki, who were a fair distance away. Poor dears, they'd probably spend more chakra doing all those Kawarimi than they had to spare. "It was a good plan, but it didn't work out." Anko said, slightly condescendingly to the oddly calm Megami.

The blonde girl merely grinned evilly before saying "Banjin, begin phase two." Anko blinked, before she became disturbingly aware of all the ninja wire there was on the ground around her. The boy grinned, before pulling back his fingers and saying "Yougan Waia**(1)**" In an instant, all the wires were cherry-red as the boy's fire chakra ran through them, before they followed the pull of his fingers and closed around Anko. 'Kuso,' was all Anko thought, before she performed a hasty Kawarimi with one of the many fallen kunai. The kunai she had left in her place was cut to pieces by the sharp, burning ninja wire.

Without even looking at her, Megami said "Shima, phase three." The brunette nodded, before bringing her hands up in a one-handed seal. Anko looked at the other kunai surrounding her, and said only five words. "Are you fucking kidding me?" she said, before the exploding tags wrapped around the hilts of the kunai around her activated, and did as their name implied. A little known fact of the Kawarimi no Jutsu is that it has a short recharge period. It was small, nigh unnoticeable, but it was there, and Anko was stuck in the middle of it. So, Anko had no choice but to try and minimize the damage.

The explosion was spectacular, going up in a mushroom cloud of red fire and black smoke. The force of it blew back the hair of the three genin, while their sensei was a little more unlucky. A black ball, trailing smoke, blew out of the cloud, bouncing along the ground before coming to a stop. The ball groaned, moaned, and finally stood up, to reveal a sooty, burned, barely decent Anko, who looked very, _**VERY**_ pissed.

"YOU FUCKING BRATS! THOSE WERE MY FAVORITE CLOTHES! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME! I LOOK THE WHORE WHO WORKS AROUND THE FURNACE IN THE COAL MINE! I'M GOING TO FUCKING KICK YOUR PUNY, VIRGIN, SHIT-PRODUCING ASSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Anko was seeing red, and all she wanted in life at that moment was to rearrange her student's internal organs. She felt as if the heat of her anger should be literally burning the kids to cinders. To add to the intimidation effect, the chakra surge from her fury reacted to its natural element, and the ground gave off a few respectable tremors.

Shima and Banjin were quivering with exhaustion and fear. Dodging their sensei's punches with substitutions had been tiring, and the adrenaline backlash was starting to kick in. However, Megami was still normal: calm, collected, and ready for anything. She tossed her teammates a few soldier pills, and said "Rest up; I'll handle phase four." Her peers gratefully sat down, while Banjin started to crush his first soldier pill between his teeth. Walking smoothly with a born ninja's grace, Megami stepped up to face Anko.

The woman was almost foaming at the mouth, and didn't waste time yelling. She just went straight to the point and blew a fireball as big as Megami's apartment straight at the unmoving girl. "Katon: Goukakyuu no Jutsu" Anko cried, way past caring if the Hokage got on her case for sending her students to the hospital… or morgue. Megami stood still, facing down the fireball, admiring its beauty and feeling its heat on her face. Just as the flaming sphere came within blistering distance, Megami grabbed one of her favorite weapons.

Anko was waiting to hear the delicious scream of a burning girl, before her fireball fucking split in half! Megami stood in the exact same position as before as the symmetrically perfect halves of the fireball passed by her sides, burning out as they did so. The only difference was the chain whip now grasped in her right hand. Anko, if possible, was even more furious. "How the fuck did you split that fireball you father-fucking, cock-sucking, child whore?!"

Megami raised an eyebrow, but explained in clipped, business-like tones, with only the faintest hints of smugness. "I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine. Meet Stem, my slicing whip. With the application of my wind chakra, I can make this whip cut through carbon steel or even certain jutsu. I've trained with her for years, and I dare say I've mastered her." In a flash, Megami whipped her blade in a low arc, cutting off dozens of grass stalks, sending them into the air. In the same movement, she flicked the whip back, cutting the stalks in half again. With a few complicated wrist movements, she gouged the Konoha symbol into the ground at her feet, the stalks falling into the gaps.

Megami held her whip again, smiling. Anko twitched: now she was up against a fast, strong, resourceful, chakra-loaded blonde chick _with_ a fucking wind-powered whip? Anko wasn't very religious, but she sent up a quick prayer. 'Amateratsu-sama, I don't know what I did to annoy you, but whatever it is, I'm really, really sorry. Can you please help me with this a little?' However, the queen of the Kami was too busy dealing with Ninigi's latest blunder to answer Anko's prayers, leaving her to face an enemy of unknown power while sooty and irritable.

Never let it be said that Anko backs down from a fight. After confirming that no divine intervention was going to come, the dango-addict rushed forward at the speed of thought, lashing out with her very best taijutsu. The purple glow returned around Megami, and suddenly she was avoiding every single attack, while finding time to land a few long yet shallow cuts with her whip. Anko jumped back, wondering how this girl, who had spent half her life disguised as a boy, could be faster than _her_. The only people faster than her in terms of sheer speed were Maito Gai and his clone of a student with their weights off. Provided, this girl could just be going off reflexes, but she was still moving fast enough to avoid and counterattack a de jure B-rank de facto low S-rank kunoichi.

Reduced to stalling for time to think up a plan, Anko asked "You've been glowing throughout this whole test. What the hell is that?" Megami grinned and said "Seeing as you'll be teaching us, I think I can tell you. I've trained myself from the age of six in the lost style of the Kamiken, a highly-dangerous but effective fighting style. By 'loosening' the Hachimon or eight inner gates inside me, my body can function much more efficiently than it would normally. The excess chakra sort of 'massages' my organs, leaving my harder for blows, my tendons tighter for speed, my bones harder for dealing with damage, and my brain faster for reacting to my enemy's actions. Sure, a little mistake and I are at best in the hospital and at worst in a grave, but I get to kick the ass of anyone who annoys me, regardless of rank. I'm still wearing weights, for crying out loud."

Anko gawked. If what she said was true, the style was life-threatening, monstrously difficult to master, and generally idiotic to learn. Then again, she was having her perfectly-toned ass being handed back to her, so maybe she shouldn't be judgmental. However, she wasn't given much time to come to grips with it, as Megami's teammates had been given enough time to rest. On a soldier pill-high, the two of them leapt forward to Megami's side. Banjin remarked "For girls, you two aren't half bad. And I'm not just saying that because I'm shell-shocked." Shima rolled her eyes and said "If you're general disdain of the female character since the second year of the academy is anything to go by, I'd say it is because you're in shock."

Anko blinked in surprise at the one-eighty in her other two students' attitudes. She looked accusingly at Megami and asked "Are you using some mind-control genjutsu or something?" Megami shook her head, amused, and replied "Well, after Banjin realized that it isn't written in stone that males are superior after watching you, and I informed Shima that any chance she'd have with Uchiha-teme would be shot if she failed (though I'd consider that a good thing she whispered sotto voce), they were actually pretty easy to talk to. Hence the plan to beat you that so far has worked perfectly."

Anko grimaced, as she just knew what was coming next. Her fears were given from as Megami said, quite ominously "Team 4, begin phase five." In a surprising turn of events, Megami turned and held a kunai at Shima's throat. Before Anko could be surprised at the treachery, she felt the strangest sucking sensation before the kunai was held against _her_ throat. Automatically, Anko batted the hand away, while Banjin took the time used in the action to throw wire-trailing shuriken at her.

Anko, aware of what Banjin could do with wire, grabbed a kunai and cut the wire while dodging the throwing stars. Megami, however, recovered from the slapped hand and threw the kunai with deadly accuracy. Anko dodged it easily, but failed to notice the damned exploding tag until she head the sizzling. The explosion was much smaller, but it still threw Anko a few feet forward from the concussive force, knocking her straight into the waiting arms of Shima, who had recovered from the Kawarimi.

Maybe it was from all the practice glomping Sasuke despite his efforts to keep her off, but Shima just didn't let go after grabbing hold of Anko. She wrapped her legs around Anko's waist, wrapped her arms around the older woman's shoulders to restrict her arms, and held on for all she was worth. Unusual it was, but so too was it effective, for Anko found that she couldn't move against the iron grip of the Uchiha fangirl. This gave Banjin time enough to throw another few strands of constricting wire, which would lead to Megami holding a blade to her throat.

Anko sighed at being forced to use _this_ against children, but it was required. "Senei Jashu!" cried Anko, before numerous vipers appeared from her charred sleeves, gripped Shima's arms and legs with paralytic fangs, and threw her off of Anko for all they were worth. Shima cried out in surprise and pain as she was thrown threw the air by the surprisingly strong snakes, her extremities already numb. Not wasting a moment, Anko got out of the way of the wires, sending a small stream of fire to force Banjin to drop the wire of get burned.

Megami rushed to Shima and performed a small suiton jutsu that drew the venom out of the puncture wounds, while Anko took a few seconds to kick Banjin's butt. When the slightly more human sexist was groaning and unmoving, Anko turned her sights on the two girls. Megami said, in a voice that hinted at a contained rage, "Does that mean we pass, since you used snakes?" Anko chuckled sadistically, much more so than she had anytime previously, and said "No, because I keep those guys in seals on my upper forearms."

Megami got up, her shaking fists the only indication of her anger. "There was enough venom in those bites to stop her heart. You attacked a young kunoichi with the intent to kill." Anko shrugged, not really caring. She was through playing along to these kids and their tune. Now, they would see what the Vice Head of Torture could _really_ do. Megami continued, her hair standing on end from her chakra levels surging "There are certain acts that are not allowed in most circumstances. Lethal force against a young girl while you're testing her skills is one of them."

Anko grinned and simply said "I do a lot of things I shouldn't." With that, Anko rushed forward, snakes sliding forward from her sleeves to grab hold of Megami and inject her with the potentially fatal venom. However, Megami was mad. Scratch that, she was blood-boiling, mouth-foaming, homicidal rage furious. This woman, for lack of a better word, had nearly killed Shima, just because she was about to lose. Didn't she say that she wanted the best as her students? They were about to take her down! But, she had retaliated and struck at Shima as if she were an enemy ninja.

If there was one thing Megami hated, it was murder attempts with no good reason behind them. She'd suffered through them for half her life, just because Yuusei happened to have been sealed into her instead of another baby. This was supposed to be a test to discover potential, not a true shinobi battle. Anko had crossed the line, so Megami crossed her own. In an instant that lasted an eternity, Megami glared at Anko and though only one thing. 'DIE!" she screamed in her head, before she released her weights entirely and embraced the demonic half of her chakra.

Anko's snakes were inches from Megami's face, before they were sliced to ribbons in a gust of cutting air that blew Anko back twenty paces. Anko looked up at Megami, and knew fear.

Megami's hair hovered around her head in a whipping halo of gold, as if it were caught in a great wind. Her eyes, moments ago clear sapphires, were now blazing amethysts with the slit pupil of a hunter. There was a near opaque curtain of wind surrounding her, acting like a cloak for this warrior goddess. Behind Megami's head, a lilac tail of pure chakra lashed around with a mind of its own, generating levels of bloodlust and battle-fury that Anko had not felt since the night of the Kyuubi. Her fingernails lengthened and hardened, turning into claws that could gouge rock, her canines lengthening into fangs that could rip through muscle and flesh like hot butter, her whisker marks lengthening and darkening, giving her a savage beauty.

Megami stared into Anko's eyes, an alien intelligence in those feral eyes. "Witness my power," she said in a voice that would coat hell in ten feet of ice, before she _moved_. Anko had seen fast. She'd watched as the Yondaime took down an army of two hundred Iwa-nin with the speed of light. She had gazed upon Konoha's Green Beast as he unleashed the Hachimon and took down all who got in his way with a peacock tail made of fire from the friction of the air passing his moving body. And she'd seen her sensei, Orochimaru, move with breathtaking grace and agility that made him seem to have no more substance than a ghost.

All of that? That was a toddler's first shaky steps. For Anko had never seen true speed until she'd seen Megami at her fullest. One instant she was thirty feet away, and in the same moment she was in front of her, her fist already pulled back for a punch. 'Hayai!' was all Anko could think, before she was suddenly flying through the air, stars in her eyes and a whiteout of pain radiating from her face. 'Genjuu!' she thought, nearly passing out from the sheer shock of the worst pain she had ever felt, surpassing even the burning of the Tenshin Juin while it had taken root in her neck.

Anko had no time to even think, before she was encased in a solid cocoon of wind, and was thrown faster than the speed of life at a boulder sticking out of the ground. She got a full-frontal introduction to the granite as she was flung into it. Things cracked. Not the granite. Anko's mouth blew open in a silent scream of pain, while she felt, for the first and maybe last time, the kiss of death trickling into the corners of her mind. Suddenly, she was held by arms that possessed the power of the devil himself, before she was flying through the air at speeds that tore her hair from its roots and blew her cheeks back in balloons of flesh.

She landed a full twelve gates away from where the battlefield had formed, bouncing and rolling from the leftover kinetic force, every millisecond a lifetime of pain. After she finally stopped and had a few seconds to take back her life from death's eager clutches, Anko looked up to Megami standing there, three steps away, her eyes now simmering instead of burning. "You can't die yet. I'm not done with you." The same second she said the last syllable was the second she held her palm to Anko's clammy forehead.

Anko gasped with what little air she had in her lungs as she felt Megami's energy pour into her, healing her and invigorating her. It was pure life, the rush of the hunt, the pleasure of the kill, the ecstasy of the mating, the comfort of the motherhood, and the calm silence of the dying days. Anko couldn't find the words to describe it; there were no words to describe the feel of Megami's raw, unrefined hybrid chakra filling her to the brim.

The high was soon over, and suddenly Anko was sore, unmarked, and at the feet of a still-raging goddess. Anko was brought up by nothing more than harsh air currents, before she was held by the same wind in a spread-eagle position. "Do you know how murderers were punished in the old days of Konoha?" Megami asked, her voice dripping with hunger for pain. "They were given twenty lashes, before they were made to fight the guardian of the one they killed to the death." Megami looked into Anko's eyes, still lost in her mindless anger at the lethal attack against her teammate, before she exposed all her teeth in a snarl of bloodlust. "You're about to know how that feels like, Anko-_sensei_."

Anko shivered in panicked, brain-stem, fight or flight fear. She had angered someone with the most power she had ever felt. She might not live to regret it. That was all she could process in her hazed mind, before she suddenly felt the burning sting of Stem ripping into her back. It was degrading, humiliating, and made her want to cry and beg for it end, but she kept her mouth shut. She didn't want to get Megami angry about anything. A geological epoch of pain later, she was freed by the wind to fall to the ground.

Anko whimpered in pain, but blocked it out with a wall of willpower and experience. She looked up at Megami, patiently waiting for her to stand up so she could kill her, and knew that there was only one way she could possibly survive. Wiping her thumb against one of her gushing cuts, she forced her hands into five seals and gathered every drop of chakra she could find in her pain-wracked yet reenergized body. "Kuchiyose no Jutsu," she whispered weakly, before touching her blood sacrifice to the ground.

Arcane symbols and sigils spread from her finger in a seal designed to tear the fabric between worlds, before she was sitting atop the head of the biggest snake she had ever summoned: Kimi, the daughter of Manda. Kimi was about half the size of her father, but even half was very impressive. The viper was known among snake contract users as being obedient and compliant, but seizing upon the first possible opportunity to gobble you up. At least she didn't demand sacrifices, as her sire did.

Kimi looked at her surroundings, before sensing who was currently lying on top of her head. "Anko-chan? Why have you summoned me here? I don't see any army or kage nearby." She then noticed the burning tempest of Megami's rampant chakra below her. "Ooh, this one's strong. Stronger than Orochi-kun, maybe. I'll settle for her." Moving with the speed of coiled lightning, the snake that was the size of a small hill lashed forward to swallow Megami, its tongue rushing forward to coil around her and suck her into jaws that could swallow a house.

Megami raised a hand, and a solid burst of wind threw Kimi to the side, having her jaws snap about an inch from the barbed fence encircling the Forest of Death. Without missing a beat, Kimi brought around her coils to crush Megami into paste. She jumped, flying as high as the tops of the epically tall trees of training ground 44, before she landed a football field away nearby her two fallen comrades.

Kimi crossed the distance in the blink of an eye, readying to hurl corrosive venom at her new toy, before Megami returned to normal in a flash, sagging slightly, and yelled up at Anko "We win, Anko-sensei!" Kimi paused, and Anko blinked. Twice. Then she started to convulse with laughter that threatened to pierce her lungs against her ribs, enough though Megami had healed them. Kimi looked up at her mistress in surprise while Anko continued to drown in hysterical mirth.

Finally, after everyone conscious had considered sending her to the loony bin, Anko subsided, still chuckling occasionally, but in control of herself. "Kimi, I'm sorry that I summoned you for this. I overreacted. You can go now." The giant viper, against all herpetological anatomy, pouted at having so short a break from her father's constant insanity, but conceded since Anko was once of the more favorite summoners she had ever had. Gently inclining her head to drop Anko to the ground, Kimi dispelled in a mass of smoke bigger than every cloud in the sky combined.

Anko looked at Megami strangely for a while, before asking "Was the batch of psychosis where you went nuclear phase six, or were you just improvising?" Megami remained silent while she tended to Shima's and Banjin's injuries with the same 'life-surge' she had used on Anko. Not twenty minutes ago she had deemed them unworthy, but battle has a way of bringing people together. When her new partners in battle were awake and unharmed, Megami admitted in a guilty tone "Sorry about that. I promised that I would only go all out when I was on the verge of death. I just overreacted to Shima getting hurt. I know what it feels like for someone to try and murder you for no good reason."

Anko winced. She knew all about the Kyuubi, especially after the Sandaime had revealed what a special case Megami was. The girl had revealed the whole thrall deal to the Sandaime when she was nine, trusting the man completely with her greatest of secrets. The guy naturally panicked when he heard that the Kyuubi aka Yuusei was getting out sometime in the near-future, but was reassured by Megami's total faith that the demon had changed and would behave himself. The old Sarutobi being as trusting as he was, he had revealed everything to Anko, in the hopes that two wrongfully judged souls would connect as teacher and student. It was a total violation of Megami's trust in the old man, but while peaceful he was still a ninja in politics. Anko now saw just how special this girl must be.

She'd faced her down and kicked her ass one-on-one, she'd convinced two radically people to work with her in a kick-ass plan, and she'd immediately reacted with lethal force when her comrade was threatened. These were all signs of someone who could one day become a Kage. Plus, the other two showed some real potential, even if they weren't aware of it themselves. Oh yeah, her team was going to kick some ass.

With her team now assembled, and her cuts healed by a now guilty Megami, Anko announced "Omedeto. You gaki show a lot of promise, and even though it was mostly Megami, you all worked together very well to do things I've never thought of before. I proudly declare this Team 4. Take tomorrow off to rest and hang out with your friends. You'll need the rest; the day after, I'm going to start _training_." Something about the way she said that last word made Shima, Banjin, and even Megami start worrying about what was to come.

* * *

It was later that night, and the jonin of Konohagakure interested in teaching were standing slightly cramped in the Hokage's office, announcing the results of there tests. The first five jonin all said something along the lines of "They failed, 'because they're pathetic." When it was Kakashi's turn, the porn addict of a copycat merely said "The Uchiha passed the bell test, and the others with him." Hiruzen frowned deeply at the man's blatant favoritism. He'd had his eye on Kakashi ever since Megami revealed that he'd been the one to deliver the death blow six years ago. The aged Sandaime had discovered that the man was clinically insane, prone to bouts of fanaticism and twisted worldview. He saw training the Uchiha boy as a chance to atone for failing his teammate Obito, and would literally give the boy anything he asked for to get the power to kill his brother.

The Uchiha boy himself was a cause for concern, showing signs of narcissism, schizophrenia, and a Cassandra complex. He had been raised from birth to believe that the Uchiha were superior to others, and looked down on the villagers and their near-obsession with him as if they were worms, even as he let the attention go to his head. The boy wouldn't listen to reason, and would stop at nothing to kill his brother, up to and including betrayal of the village, based off the psyche report Hiruzen had ordered made on him. Sasuke and Kakashi could be the worst mix for master and pupil imaginable, but Sarutobi couldn't do anything since on the surface they were a perfect match. Sometimes, he hated living in layers of shadow and mystique that the common man couldn't even fathom in his deepest nightmares.

The old Hokage merely sighed internally at Sakumo's son while taking another puff of his imported special blend of tobacco. He turned to the rookie among the elite, Yuuhi Kurenai, aka the Genjutsu Mistress and the Ice Queen. The woman stepped forward and delivered her report in a relaxed, yet still formal manner. "Team 8 consisting of Hyuuga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba, and Aburame Shino passed my test of locating me while I cloaked myself with my best genjutsu. They worked admirably together, the Hyuuga's eyes and the Inuzuka's nose giving the Aburame a general area to send his Kikaichu out to search. They were finished in less than an hour, and show great potential for a tracking and capture team. Kiba has a few character flaws, and the Aburame isn't exactly verbose, but I believe that I can work that out. Hinata was the best of the lot, surprisingly."

Hiruzen nodded his consent, this time with a wide grin. It would have been obvious to any concerned observer the radical effect Megami had had on Hinata. The girl was more confident, less inhibited, and acted with all the calm efficiency of the best of her clan whilst remaining innocent. Innocence was such an easy thing to lose in this line of work, and that the heiress could excel at the job while retaining it was quite an accomplishment. He turned from the wrap-clothed maiden to look at his son and the last jonin in the room, Anko being surprisingly absent. Asuma, smoking a cigarette with the relish that seemed genetic in the Sarutobi line, stepped up to deliver his report.

"Team 10 consisting of the sons and daughter of the original Ino-Shika-Chou trio pass. I had them try and immobilize me beyond hope of escape within three hours, and after they agreed to work together, a brilliant strategy made by Nara Shikamaru had them completed in half the time. Yamanaka Ino used her Shintenshin no Jutsu to invade my mind, having me lay down while Akimichi Chouji sat on my face and ate bean-flavored potato chips before 'cutting loose'. I'm ashamed to say that I actually passed out, and when I woke up they had kunai at my throat, heart, and third leg. Naturally, I couldn't risk any of the three injuries, and passed them on the spot. They'll make a great information-gathering team." A few men chuckled, while Hiruzen shook his head at his son's lackadaisical nature.

The Sandaime waited a few seconds for anyone else to make a comment, before saying "Very well, if that is everyone—" He was interrupted by one of his glass windows imploding, while a shadowy figure threw itself in through the gap. Kakashi looked up from his book, his version of screaming in surprise, while all the other jonin grabbed kunai and prepared for combat. Hiruzen sighed and said very annoyed "Anko, I've warned you about this. If you break my window, you have to pay for it." The figure now revealed as Anko, swallowed an entire skewer of dango with a giant gulp and reached for another from the box under her arm

"When I'm a Jonin, then I'll be able to afford being this dramatic. Until then, just take it out of my next paycheck. I can always work the bars for chump change." Sarutobi winced at the much younger woman's casual talk of seducing men out of their wallets (and pants), before taking out a form from his desk to charge to replacement of the window directly to the bank account of Mitarashi Anko.

Kakashi, seeing there was no immediate danger, went back to reading his x-rated book and asked "So why you late? So ashamed that you failed the only team you'll ever get that you didn't want to show up?" Everyone in the room glared at the man for his rudeness, while Anko merely yawned (which did interesting things to her chest) and bit off another sweet dumpling from the skewer in her hand.

"Actually, my brats tired me out so much that I had to take a nap. And when I woke up, I was starving so I had to grab some dango on the way. By the way, they passed." So saying, the snake woman swallowed another ball of sweetness off the wooden skewer she was holding, subconsciously using seductive tongue movements that made every straight, potent male's pants tighten a few sizes. Ergo, the Sandaime didn't have to blood to spare and the Hatake was too busy wondering if Jiraiya might ever make yaoi Icha Icha to notice. Said homo scarecrow remarked "You're so weak that a few snot-nosed academy graduates wore you out? No wonder you were demoted."

Anko, who really wasn't in the mood, threw her empty skewer straight at something even gay men treasure. Kakashi side-stepped, not even looking up. Seeking to prevent potential bloodshed, or castration, Hiruzen asked Anko "May I have a more official report, Anko? How did they pass?" Anko acted serious for a moment, standing at attention to show her respect for one of the few human beings in the village. "Team 4 consisting of Raikou Shima, Isagiyoi Banjin, and Megami passed with flying colors. Megami displayed impressive leadership skills, bringing a sexist Banjin and unwilling Shima around to her way of thinking, which is quite devious I might add. They implemented a plan that consisted of Megami, whom displayed Jonin-level speed, providing distraction and main assault while Shima tired me out and provided back-up while Banjin prepared for the final move. They repeated this method several times, Megami's monstrous skills sharpened by Shima's ingenuity and Banjin's skills at entrapment and capture. My test was to have them force me to use the Kuchiyose no Jutsu, and I'm proud to say that they drove me to summoning Kimi, the largest summon that I can manage. They have great potential for a frontal assault team; these are the kinds of kids who cut down obstacles instead of moving around them."

A few murmurs went through the room. As of yet, the Sandaime had managed to keep under wraps Megami's true identity, having spread the lie of her having kept the cover of a male to avoid her abusive parents. Therefore, it was a shock to hear how a no-name civilian had Jonin-level speed. Kakashi, always one to be condescending, asked "Are you sure you aren't exaggerating to make yourself seem less weak?" Anko smirked, shrugged her shoulders, and said with a full mouth "She knows Gai's secret. That's all I'm gonna say."

That sent even more mutters around. Could this girl really have discovered the power of the Hachimon? Hiruzen cleared his throat, and the room was silenced. "That's all then. Teams 4, 7, 8, and 10 are now officially listed as ninja cells of Konoha. I bid good luck to the teachers with their students. Now, leave." There was a general assent, and the room was empty. Sarutobi grinned and said "I love being able to do that."

* * *

Megami woke up, and just took a while to enjoy the comfort of a warm bed, deciding that breakfast could wait a little while. She very rarely got a day off, what with her slave-driver of a thrallmate. **'I heard that.'** Yuusei said, and Megami merely chuckled before going back to her little bout of laziness. **'You know that your sensei knows about you, don't you? The old man must have told her about us.'** 'Doesn't matter. The old geezer has to do what he thinks is best, and it 'll probably help having someone to talk to about all the hanyou and seal-collapsing stuff. I'll wait off on Shima and Banjin. I don't want them avoiding me like the plague from day one. Maybe after I've managed to cure them both of their respective diseases.'

Yuusei chuckled with his thunderous baritone, and remarked that **'Sexism and being a fangirl hardly qualify as diseases. Still, if you manage that, I'll show you how to mix you Fuuton and Suiton to make ice.'** Megami grinned at that, loving any new piece of information, especially if it was about jutsu, and decided that it was time to get up. She stepped out of her bed, shook out her hair, and started combing it with chakra-laden fingers while she got into her clothes. Her sleepwear consisted of a black silk chiffon nightgown, very breathable yet consequently highly translucent. Not that she minded her body, but she didn't like the idea of any guests she might have being able to see her chest in its budding glory.

She slipped out of the black, lacy thing, stepping into her black panties and red sports bra. As she put on her fish-net undershirt and started wrapping her calves in armored bandages, she considered what to do with the day. As she put on her shorts and leather tank-top, she decided that she would spend the day bonding with her teammates. And don't they say 'no time like the present'? Megami formed two Kage Bunshin with an errant thought and gentle release of fifty units, which was now a relatively tiny amount of her boundless reserves. The two knew their mission, and left without a word.

Megami set about making breakfast, deciding to follow the classic western breakfast that Kyuubi remembered from one of the more interesting eras of mankind. She set eggs with cheese, sausages, and bacon to fry while she started to whip up a batter with eggs, flour, milk with a dash of cream, a pinch of sugar and salt apiece, and a few chocolate chips for relish. As she did this personally, her usual Kage Bunshin assistant started dipping thick slices of bread in buttermilk and cinnamon before laying them on the griddle, while setting some juicy slabs of ham to roast in the oven and cutting a few potatoes in thin strips and throwing them in the pan with some oil.

By the time that Banjin and Shima arrived, dragged by the feet by Megami's clones, the dining table was set with a buffet of down-home breakfast foods, with cheesy eggs, sausage links, crispy bacon, succulent ham, hash browns, French toast, and pancakes with butter all laid out in an array that set the two young genin and their salivary glands racing. However, Banjin, like most people, didn't react well to having a very _good_ dream being interrupted to be bodily dragged in his pajamas across town by a solid Bunshin of his new teammate.

"What the hell is going on? Why did you drag me here?" he asked, trying not to notice how his empty stomach was screaming at him to get down on his knees and beg for this pretty girl to feed him some of her delicious-looking food. Megami frowned slightly and said back "I have a name, you know? It's Megami, as in goddess. I'm not just 'girl' or 'chick', okay? And you might consider calling Shima by her name too, or I might just have my Kage Bunshin hold you down while Shima and I eat every crumb of this food." Banjin blanched as his stomach rolled over and played dead, now desperate for some nourishment.

Shima, enjoying watching Banjin squirm in some dark part of her mind, interceded on his behalf. "I don't think I could eat all that food with all your guys' help, let alone just with you." Banjin involuntarily threw her a grateful glance, before remembering that she was a girl, albeit one that he could stand. Megami shrugged and said "Anyway, I think that we should spend the day working on team bonding, and every good day starts with breakfast. Please, dig in."

While Banjin and Shima ravenously ate the incomparable food made by Megami's hand, the blonde asked little innocuous questions about their lives. She found out that Shima was an only child, her parents ran a small yet successful steakhouse not too far from Ichiraku's, her idol was the Yondaime Hokage, and she had the disturbing habit of drawing what her and Sasuke's child would look like at various ages. Banjin, however, was a bit more interesting. He had his brother, who was about to tie the knot with one of the receptionist Chunin at the Hokage Tower, and three uncles whom each had more kids than they could frankly afford with their civilian wives, yet they all got by. His dad had never remarried, but said that he was content with having two such fine sons. Banjin's idea of a good day off was talking with his family at breakfast, training with one or two of his uncles until noon, working off a big lunch with his various cousins and their games, before ending the day with one of his dad's lectures on Shinobi history, which were supposedly much more interesting than Iruka's.

When the dishes had been scraped clean by eager tongues, Megami clapped her hands to catch her food-coma-experiencing teammates' attention. "Well, that was a nice start, but we should really get out and talk more, maybe do some light training to work this all off. Shima, you'll find your usual attire in my bathroom. Banjin, your clothes are under you chair."

The two looked surprised, before discovering that her words were true, her Kage Bunshin somehow managing to sneak not only into their homes, but right behind them without them noticing. It was the mutual feeling that being around Megami would teach them to keep on their toes. Shima closed the bathroom door to afford some privacy, but Banjin found himself in the awkward position of Megami starring intently at him as he started to take off his t-shirt. "Um, I've gotta change." Megami nodded, but didn't look away. "Could you maybe look away, please?" Megami shook her head, and Banjin started to get a little red. "Why?" he asked, suddenly wondering if he was stuck on a team with _two_ hot babes who didn't know the meaning of modesty.

Megami spoke, in a voice that was _not_ amused. "I've been studying biology for a few years, but there's only so much I can learn about the male body by looking at diagrams and graphs. I need something to perform a compare and contrast to, and you're the only guy I'm likely to see naked without me having to sneak into the male onsen. You really only have three choices. You could change now, change with Shima in the room, or walk around in your sleepwear all day. If it helps, I'm not the least bit attracted to you. I just need an example to use should I need to Henge into a male for an infiltration mission."

Banjin was red as a tomato, but if he knew one thing about Megami in the short time he'd known her, it was that she was stubborn as a young bull. Turning his back to her in an effort to preserve some modesty, he realized that he was surrounded by Kage Bunshin, all with the same businesslike intensity the original had. "Multiple angles," was the only explanation Megami gave him.

Banjin sighed in utter embarrassment, before reluctantly taking off his shirt. There was no change in any of the clones' expressions, except maybe an increase in attentiveness. Figuring that he might as well get it over with, Banjin closed his eyes and stepped out of his boxers. Megami and her clones started noting all the facts and logging them away, not even the hint of a blush or a leer coating her face. In her mind, this was just a new source of information. Besides, you never knew when a detailed knowledge of a naked male might come in handy. Say she needed to sneak into a male onsen to gather information, or sleep with a straight woman to assassinate her. Megami's eyes tracked over the smooth muscles, tanned skin, the growth of pubic hair and the minute details of Banjin's manhood, and felt nothing.

This fact might have soothed Banjin's humiliation, but all he knew was that he was naked and surrounded by a girl and her clones, all of them looking at him. It was embarrassing to the extreme, yet he could not stop his mind from trailing down the paths that included all the girls around him naked, despite his best efforts. Puberty, it's a bitch. Megami noted the changes in the sex organ, and logged it away as more information. In quick, terse movements, Banjin got dressed in his t-shirt, shorts, and sandals. "There, now was that so bad?" Banjin didn't answer, only trying to lock the memory away in the darkest corners of his mind.

Shima came out of the bathroom, blissfully unaware of what had just happened, and the trio walked out of the apartment to face a day to bonding, befriending, and generally learning more about each other. Oh, boy.

**

* * *

Reviews are like water in a parched dessert for me. Please, I beg of you, review. Oh, and petition Artful Lounger to update Kage no Naruto for me. Please? Thank you! Ja ne, my readers!**

Yougan Waia: lit. Lava wire, an original technique by Banjin. By channeling fire chakra through his wires, he can cut and cauterize most substances with his razor-sharp wire.

**P.S. All non-numbered jutsu can be found at the ninjutsu section of .**


	5. Chapter 5

**Here I am! Sorry for the wait. Well, that's just how I run things. Just read this and enjoy, already.**

* * *

When hunting one's prey, it is best to take one's time. One must be calm, formulate a strategy, and execute it. One must have no mercy or hesitation. Should one be acting with others, they too must be prepared. To be a perfect hunter, one must catch their prey without even alerting them. These, Megami thought quietly, were the laws of hunting. If only her teammates were so well informed.

"So, let's review," Megami started, not even looking up from her slow work of bandaging Banjin's cuts, Shima's already taken care of. Banjin's expression could have made fresh milk curdle, but he silently took the oncoming, well-deserved insults. "We finally, after hours of searching, managed to track down the precious target. We came up with a perfect plan to acquire it, and we moved to our positions. And, just when we were about to strike, _you_ decide to pass gas." Megami gave a particularly hard tug on a bandage, causing slight stinging.

Banjin nodded silently. He knew what was coming. He just preyed he'd be able to say it without gagging. Megami continued with her recount. "The target was alerted to our presence, and almost ran off. It was only due to the quick thinking of Shima that we managed to capture the target. So… do you have anything to say for yourself?" Megami finished tying the bandages, sitting back and preparing for the joy to follow.

Banjin ground his teeth. _'Stupid bodily processes,'_ he internally muttered, before sucking up his pride, grinding his teeth a little, and finally managing to spit out "Girls rule, boys drool. There, I said it." Megami broke out into outright laughter, the expression on Banjin's face akin to a man having just swallowed Drano. Shima herself had to suppress a few giggles, only managing to heighten Banjin's already obscenely high amount of embarrassment.

Anko, who had observed all of these proceedings from the side, finally spoke up. "For the love of dango, you're all acting like it was an S-rank criminal. It's just a cat!" From the cage in her arms, a threatening 'meow' sounded out, oddly cute with ineffective rage. Team 4 was waiting outside the Hokage Tower, recovering from their injuries before bringing in the fruit of their labors: the captured Tora, the Fire Daimyo's wife's most favorite cat.

Megami sobered up oddly at that statement. "Actually, I did some research on that. I pulled up its pedigree, interrogated the breeders, the whole shebang. As it turns out, this little ball of hissing, slicing fun is 1/16th neko demon. So, this mission should automatically be upgraded to B-rank due to demonic presence. If you want proof, these cuts are resisting my chakra healing. When was the last known case of resisted medical ninjutsu, Anko-sensei?" Megami raised an eyebrow challengingly.

Anko sighed, before finally conceding "The Kyuubi attack, alright. Survivors' injuries proved highly resistant to the efforts of our medic-nin. Fine, I see your point. But this is the Fire Daimyo's wife's cat, here. Any legal attempts to prove its demonic heritage would be shot down before they started. Believe me; I know what I'm talking about." Anko shivered a little, as if in memory of something disgusting.

The successful team made its way to the officially-named "Mission Room" and dropped off the cat, which was soon cuddled (see choked horrifically) by the highly-obese noble woman anxiously waiting for her pet. As the pair left, one of them yowling enough to almost induce pity in the hearts of those that caught it, the elderly Hokage spoke up. "Congratulations, Team 4, on the completion of your first 'Tora Retrieval'. How did the mission go?"

The Team 4 at its conception would not have recognized the group standing at attention in front of the village leader. The shy, quiet Shima was wearing an outfit identical to Megami's, sans the fishnet and the girl's preference of a light blue over a black tank-top. Her ash-blond hair, previously falling to her shoulders, was now cropped almost pixie short, giving her a boyish look. Banjin had exchanged his vest for a tight mid-sleeve shirt, made of a much durable cloth than his previous covering, and had replaced the bangles around his wrists for rings on each finger, granting him much more dexterous control of his wire. His black sneakers were now combat boots. Megami seemed to have changed the least, though the lofty confidence-borderline-arrogance that had lurked in her eyes had seemed to have been knocked down a few notches. Also, if you looked closely, here eyes were a shade more purple than blue.

The source of all these changes? The answer was Anko, of course. The woman was downright scary. She had spent the past fifteen days with her team exclusively in the Forest of Death, having them live in the Tower, putting them through a training program lovingly titled "How to survive in the Real World.", which hadn't stopped until just that morning so they could take the mission. The program consisted of: a physical training regime only slightly less psychotic than Maito Gai's, a stealth program that would have been considered by S-rank thieves for a refresher, an accuracy test involving trying to hit randomly-appearing targets around the Forest while avoiding a wave of snakes courtesy of Anko (with a stipulation that anything less than 50 percent would lead to Hell Training), a condensed seminar of all the stuff the Academy should have covered but didn't, a ninjutsu/genjutsu course that would have sent rookie Jonin to the hospital with chakra exhaustion, a taijutsu workshop with 'practical' applications, plus a three-hour chunk of individualized training to cover the new Genin's weaknesses.

Megami had won her peers' undying gratitude for her chakra pick-me-up, which had been required a truly scary amount of times. The training was enough to exhaust Megami, who had spend half her life under the tutelage of an unforgiving demon lord. The young hanyou-to-be was shocked to learn that there were a few glaring holes in her knowledge, among them fuuinjutsu and traps; past the basics, she didn't know squat, since Yuusei hadn't made a point of teaching them. She'd also been rather harshly forced to concede that she wasn't invincible, shown by the time Anko had five different snakes poised to inject her with lethal venom after a minute of sparring Anko after she'd had time to prepare.

Each member of the team had been transformed by the training. Shima and Banjin, at speeds they wouldn't have thought possible before they met Anko, had grown stronger, faster, more knowledgeable of the _true_ Shinobi world, and more conscious of the possibility of death, along with new mastery of the Academy jutsu and a few other all-purpose D-ranks. Even Megami had improved under Anko. She'd had them relearn everything they thought they'd known in 'her' way, and instilled new lessons along the way. These included: how to walk, how to breathe, how to look around, how to eat, everything from the basics of the basics up had been affected.

One of Shima's personal assignments had been to follow Sasuke for a day, with Anko as a chaperone, and the girl had at last seen the light, though Megami making constant remarks on the boy's faults, all of them true, helped. She was now truly disillusioned, having seen her 'beloved' treat his teammates like trash, the villagers like worms, and everyone taking it like he was some kind of god. His constant bellowing of "I must get strong to kill Itatchi!" hadn't helped much either.

Banjin would never be disrespectful to a woman again, after having been forced by a gleeful Megami, at Anko's command, to undergo a Genjutsu that made him live out a day as a girl while surrounded by figures who acted as he would have to their every action, and they were appalling. Was he really that bad? He'd been forced to concede that he was. His days of viewing woman as weak, pathetic, talkative creatures only good for producing children were over.

Megami had learned how to _plan_. She learned risk assessment and how to account for the enemy's actions. Her skills now rivaled a Nara's, as she'd naturally taken to the new subject. Secretly, her half-formed plots to form a new village took on a workable form. She also learned how to truly trust others. Yuusei was a given since they spent every second together, and the Sandaime had been the first to ever show her true kindness, but she'd never really branched past them. Now, she had two people she could honestly call friends, and a new teacher that she kind of saw as an older sister: a forest filled with things that want to eat you had an odd effect on building bonds.

All of these incredible metamorphoses, in just two weeks. Sarutobi thought to himself _'If Anko turned two greenhorns into well-rounded Genin and Megami into a strategist in just this long, what will they be by the time the Chunin Exams arrive?'_ Sarutobi knew a good team when he saw one, and the feeling he got when he surveyed this one was not unlike the one he felt when he surveyed his own all those years ago. _'It's too soon to tell, but these three just might be our next Big Thing to rally behind. Aw well, best to wait before I get my hopes up.'_

The three gave their report rather blandly as they tried to ignore the stinging pain from the cat's scratches. At the end, Sarutobi nodded and said "Thank you, Team 4. Would you like another mission, or would you like to call it a day?" The man was already fingering a scroll in preparation for a 'yes' should it come. Anko, however, shook her head and said "No thank you, Hokage-sama. My team took so long to do this that I think they need to do a little Hell Training to make up for it." No one in the room would have anticipated the reactions of her students.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO , HAVE MERCY!!!!!!" Shima cried at the top of her lungs, making a desperate dive towards the Sandaime to take the scroll he had in his hands. Banjin didn't bother screaming, merely turning tail and running as fast as physically possible to the nearest window. Megami took a stand, and instantly had a kunai pressed against Anko's throat, yelling in genuine fear "I'm not doing that crazy shit and you can't make me!" Anko merely grinned, and within seconds all three were unconscious due to some vipers she'd hidden on their persons while they gave the report in preparation for their reactions.

The men in the room blinked. They blinked again. They blinked a third time. Silently, Anko gathered up her students with strength one wouldn't expect from a smallish woman and Shunshined out. "What does she do to them?" one fellow asked. Everyone in the room, including old Hiruzen, said almost simultaneously "I don't want to know."

* * *

Ten minutes later, three for Megami, the children were conscious, and facing the thing they had come to fear more than death itself. Anko grinned sadistically as she said "In case the venom has messed up with your memory, here's how it goes: Hell Training consists of the three of you going through a multi-tiered obstacle course from here to the Forest Tower that covers every single thing I've taught you. The stations could be anything from a written test for knowledge to a horde of Kage Bunshin, courtesy of moi, for mass-genjutsu, all the while wearing chakra weights with seals that calibrate themselves to be just a little too heavy for each of you, simultaneously attached to each other with bungee cords that are made to be near-impervious to damage. If any one of you three mess up just once, you all have to restart. Keep in mind that you still have to cope with the creatures of the forest and that I might be waiting in the wings to throw in some 'encouragement' to keep you focused. You start… NOW!"

Do. Not. Be. Fooled. It may _sound_ easy, but it isn't. Have you ever had to calculate the trajectory of a shurikan from a set distance, height, and speed while running through a portion of biblically-sized forest with exploding tag-wrapped kunai coming at you from all sides from hidden launchers while your sensei laughs maniacally atop the head of a giant snake looking to eat you the instant you get free, all the while having to work in conjunction with your two teammates or wind up dragging everyone down? If you have, seek professional help. If not, trust me when I write that those three feared this more than anything else. Yuusei himself got a few chills when he thought about it. Anko got chills too, but of an entirely different variety.

A few hours later, the unrecognizable forms of Team 4 were on the floor of the tower, their breath ragged, Anko standing over them. Said unrepentant sadist was looking down on them with mild confusion. "Why is this big deal for you three? I do this for fun!" Two weak and one moderate flare of killing intent were aimed at Anko, who didn't bat an eyelash. "Alright, since you guys managed your first mission, I'll let sleep in your own beds. Get your stuff from your rooms and go back to the village; your families are probably missing you. Megami, stay behind for a bit."

Megami obediently stayed behind when her half-unconscious teammates slowly gathered up their packs they'd been ordered to set up in preparation for their sleep-away training and made a weak Shunshin outside the forest. When they were alone, Megami stretched her sore muscles and asked "What is it, Anko-sensei?"

The snake mistress didn't mince words. "Since you haven't killed me or the Sandaime in our sleep, I can assume that you don't feel betrayed by his telling me of your 'condition.' As such, I feel I can ask this question without fearing violence: when will the seal break?" Megami sighed, before rubbing her belly, a seemingly innocuous gesture that was actually a signal to Yuusei that Megami wanted an answer. Anko waited patiently; this was important information.

The young girl sighed and took her hand off her stomach to brush her golden locks out of her eyes. "We can't be precise, but it'll happen within the next 5-7 weeks, just before the Chunin Exams. Before you ask, my chakra will be fluctuating wildly in preparation for the change, and my instincts will be randomly taking over, meaning I could do anything from steal the food off someone's plate if I'm hungry or throw myself at a guy if puberty decides to be bitchy. After the actual separation, I'll be back to normal, albeit as a hanyou."

Anko stored away the information for later, but now she had new questions. "But what does that entitle, being a hanyou? Keep in mind that the only credible information outside your personal knowledge is moldy old texts that no one can read." Megami sighed, before gathering together all the facts she knew: Yuusei had been quite informative on the subject. "A hanyou walks in both worlds; all the strengths, but almost none of the weaknesses. I won't die of old age, and my regeneration will be better; basically, as long as my head stays attached to my torso, I won't die. My chakra stores, which as you know are already psychotic, will become even larger and potent than they already are. My senses will increase five- or even tenfold, but I'll be sensitive to information overload from pungent or vibrant things. My tail will be able to function as a third arm, but it'll be a pain to hide. But, I'll be a hundred times more kickass as a trade-off, so I can deal. Basically, I'll be stronger, faster, healthier, and pretty much a warrior too perfect to be entirely human. That's the whole reason that hanyou were exterminated by humans and made taboo by demons: they were so powerful they could literally have taken over the world."

Anko was mildly shocked at that little tidbit, but she was quickly coming to believe that should the very fabric of reality be torn asunder, Megami would still be able to surprise her. She gave a wave to indicate the blond could go. Anko sighed as the girl did a flawless Shunshin. Why was life so complicated? Anko fingered her hitai-ate. Oh, that's why. Damn, she needed a boyfriend, or even just a male friend with benefits, anyone she could see on a regular basis to help her relieve her stress.

Suddenly absorbed with the little problem, Anko seriously considered her options. _'Asuma's off-limits, since Kurenai-chan has a flaming crush on him. I'm not even going to consider Kakashi. Gai would certainly have a lot of energy, but I'd probably have to marry him so he wouldn't kill himself for being unyouthful or whatever the hell it is. Ibiki is just a little too much like me for us to work out well. Iruka… possibly, though I might be a bad influence on him, which would extend to the next generation… who I am kidding, I want the brats to toughen up a bit!'_

Anko grinned a bit, before setting off out of the Forest with her new goal in life being the capture and rap… I mean, establishment of a relationship with Umino Iruka.

* * *

Late that night, Megami oh-so-quietly made her way through the secret tunnel network that riddled the Hokage Mountain. Technically, her very presence was an S-rank offense that could get her killed, but that was why she was being so stealthy. Only the current Hokage and a handful of hand-picked ninja were allowed to wander these halls, which served one purpose: to lead to the Hokage Vault.

Thought by many as a rumor to put rookie Jonin and ANBU on high-alert towards outsiders, the Hokage Vault was arguably the most heavily-guarded location in the Hi no Kuni, though the Daimyo's treasury would make a close second. The defense measures were well called for, as the Vault served as the repository of all the Hokages' most important works. Everything from the Shodai's bracers to one of the Yondaime's Hiraishin kunai could wind up hidden in there. It was even rumored that Orochimaru got the genetic material for his experiments with Mokuton by raiding the mausoleum within the Vault, making him the second, though this couldn't be confirmed, person in history to infiltrate the Vault.

Megami was about to become the third. Once she managed to actually track down the entrance, hidden behind a multi-layered Genjutsu halfway up the monument, and _borrowing_ the guard schedule from the Sandaime's desk, it was child's play. All she had to do was avoid the ANBU, track down the door, and manage to actually open it to find what she was looking for. Megami felt no qualms about what she was doing. _'They're mine by inheritance, and I'd get them when I took up his name anyway. I'm just getting a head start.'_ This, she hoped, would serve to not get her killed should she be forced to offer an explanation to the Sandaime.

Finally, after half an hour of crawling through the dark to avoid the guards, Megami came to the door. If she hadn't known it was there, she'd have said that it was just another stretch of wall. But, her highly-powerful eyes managed to trace the outline to one of the most complicated sealing arrays in history, so she knew she was right. Carefully pricking her thumb, she traced the Konoha symbol in a specific spot and said, as loudly as she dared, "I am Namikaze Megami, the daughter of the Yondaime Hokage. By blood and honor, I claim the right to enter."

It worked. There was a brief flash as the seal activated, momentarily blinding her, before a section of the wall simply faded from existence, as if it had never been. Megami quickly moved down the passageway, knowing the entrance would seal itself behind her, and soon came to the crown jewel of the Hokages.

The Vault wasn't large, maybe a hundred meters square, but it gave off an air of a much larger area, as if the auras of all the objects inside broadened the physical boundaries of the place. There were four shelves near the back, each filled with dusty scrolls, with display cases occupying most of the remaining space, each filled with important artifacts of the most powerful men in the history of the village. Specially-grown moss gave off luminescent light at strategic points, serving to provide enough light to read by while not causing the scrolls in the shelves to fade at a dangerous rate.

Two areas stood out among the layout. One, along one wall, was the study desk, which provided a wide table and a comfy chair, allowing a visitor to sit comfortably while examining documents or artifacts. The other, in the very center of the room, was the mausoleum. Unlike the token graves in the cemetery, these sarcophagi held the true remains of the Shodai and Nidaime Hokages. There was also the urn that held her father's ashes, though she deliberately kept her eyes off it. She didn't want to risk breaking the urn in rage, since she had no idea how'd she react to seeing the last remnants of the man who sired her, and condemned her to a fate that was so awful there wasn't a word that could accurately describe it.

With a will, Megami went to the last shelf, the one dedicated entirely to her father. She quickly grabbed three folios and one positively massive scroll, before quickly getting the fuck out of there.

As was common knowledge, Namikaze Minato had practically kept a diary of his expedition into the field of Fuuinjutsu, writing down every nuance he learned as well as his personal ideas on what he discovered and how they could be applied. Literally every single iota of the inner workings of the man's brain during his learning, from his first containment seal all the way up to the Hakke no Fuuin Shiki, was now at Megami's fingertips. The scroll… well, that would be telling, wouldn't it?

Megami grinned. She didn't know about sealing, but that would soon change. Since her father probably thought in ways similar to her own, she should be able to read and understand these even faster than when she normally read, and she would probably have the whole lot down within a couple of weeks. Some might call her power-hungry, but she would kindly tell those people that the person they should be worrying about was a pale, snake-obsessed pedophile, not little old her. When it came to thirst for knowledge/power, at least Megami drew a line somewhere.

She had a close call getting out, but she managed it. That ANBU was behind on his sleep anyway; no one would think to check him for a slumber genjutsu. Megami breathed a sigh of relief, before making a Shunshin to her apartment, impossible within the caverns due to how it would bring the guards like hounds from hell. The next second, Megami was in home sweet home.

Megami, with great care, hid her new prizes. Actually, she just stuck them under the floorboards, but she put one of the few Oni Genjutsu she knew on them, making her the only one in the village that could see them, barring a Byakugan-user, and even then they'd have to focus on the illusion in order to pierce it. Same went for the Sharingan. For all intents and purposes, the scroll and her father's journals had disappeared.

Megami breathed a sigh of relief. With luck, her thievery wouldn't be discovered until the Sandaime was buried, and by then she would have finished and replaced the items in question. With a grunt that didn't seem to fit such a cute mouth, Megami collapsed onto her bed and slipped into blissful unconsciousness.

* * *

The next day found Team 4 being quite rudely woken by a pack of snakes as thick as some tree trunks, which proceeded to drag them bodily across the village, two of them swearing violently, to be dropped off at the entrance of what was swiftly becoming their home (see 'place of limitless misery) away from home. Their sensei was waiting for them in front of the gate, her sadistic grin oddly absent.

Megami, after dusting herself off, regarded Anko, and said "Judging by your body language and facial expression, I can conclude that you are either PMSing, in which case I honestly fear for our lives, or you are deeply troubled by something, which just means we'll wind up on the brink of death instead of going all the way." Shima, who apparently wasn't a morning person, muttered darkly "I concur," from her position on the ground. Banjin merely shivered in fear at the idea of his sensei going through the one thing that made his uncles truly scared of their significant others.

Anko merely flared her killing intent to show that she didn't appreciate the joke… or was it a statement of fact? She was, in fact, preoccupied by something. Her natural 'charms' had secured a short-notice date from Iruka the previous night, but he had thrown Anko for a loop. The former apprentice to Orochimaru was used to men falling into one of two categories: cowards or lechers. All of her for lack of a better word dates had progressed with either the guy scared out of his wits by her reputation and personality, or completely tuning her out and looking at her like some sort of sex object.

She wasn't in love with the system, but it was something she could plan accordingly to. However, Iruka had treated her like a _person_. That was a new one. He'd listened to her and seemed like he was actually listening, had shown no noticeable signs of fear, and had only glanced at her borderline-public-indecency body twice instead of the usual 7-15 times. Then, he'd actually walked her home, and _shook her hand_! No sexual advance, no good-bye kiss, he'd shaken her hand as if it had just been dinner between two colleagues. Ergo, Anko was now dealing with the radical possibility that the village wasn't entirely comprised of bigoted idiots and/or perverts.

Shaking her head to clear such thoughts, Anko regarded her team. She spoke with all the loving care of the cobras hidden on her body. "Okay, maggots, since you've managed to survive so far, I think that it's time to stop playing around with your training and get serious." Her students looked like they'd been exsanguinated. Their training so far, the program that Hell itself had spat back out, the training that made evens a Bijuu shiver in fear, had been _playing around_?!?! It was official: Anko could have made the Juubi wet its fur… scales… whatever had made up the thing.

"Today, I'll be introducing you to a portion of the Forest that few have seen and lived to tell the tale. This place makes the rest of the Forest seem like a newborn kitten next to a tiger. You'll be spending the next three days in there. If you manage to emerge with your life and sanity intact, I swear on pain of no dango for two weeks to let you guys take a ten-day break. Of course, you could easily go the other way, but let's worry about that later." The trio of teens gulped heavily, but consigned themselves to the inevitable; Anko was an unstoppable force of nature, and they might as well make this as painless as possible.

Anko grinned when she saw the resolve harden in her students' eyes. _'Poor children, they know not what they face.'_ Anko cleared her throat and proceeded to explain this secret part of the forest with undeniable glee. "When people see this place, they see the trunks, foliage, and the wealth of carnivorous creatures. Few, however, think downwards. The truth is this place is the tip of the iceberg. Underneath the Forest of Death, there exists an area known as the Dark Abyss. It is commonly used to train ANBU; don't worry, that's only the lower levels, not the top level in which we'll be staying.

"The Dark Abyss is the result of the massive roots of the Forest hollowing out the ground, as well as some minor Doton adjustments when it was first discovered. Basically, it's a dark, barren, tiered cavern, in which there is almost nothing edible, little water, and creatures that burrowed down from the Forest, mutating and evolving in the hostile conditions. What really makes the place dangerous is the fact that a meteor similar to the one worshipped by Hoshigakure landed here a few centuries ago, and the chakra it emits permeates the ground. Some say that the Forest grew because of the meteor; they're probably right."

Banjin deadpanned "So, you're sending two greenhorn genin and Megami into the cradle of the Forest of Death, populated by monsters out of our nightmares with conditions practically geared against human survival, with nothing but the clothes on our backs, while simultaneously being trained by you. Did I miss anything?" Anko considered it, before shaking her head no. Banjin proclaimed, with the confidence of irrefutable fact, "We're all going to die." His peers nodded with similar expressions. Shima said "Tell my parents that my will is hidden under the carpet." Megami was a tad more melodramatic. She sighed in utter defeat, and told Anko "If I don't make it out of this, tell the old man… he's got brown teeth." That merited a mild sweatdrop, but such marvels of the anime world were forgotten when Anko turned and yelled "Onward!"

In short order (they were getting used to the Forest and how to move through it), they made it to the tower at the center. With devilish glee, Anko led them to a hidden basement, which contained nothing but a two-foot thick slab of seal-strengthened steel covered in so many locks that a brute-force approach would have taken a few decades. Anko, with an ease that suggested previous trips, unlocked the door and swung it open on its well-oiled hinges. Such a shame, too; an ominous creak would have fit the scene perfectly.

Beyond the door lade a stygian blackness so thick and impenetrable the genin got the impression that you could physically cut it. It made midnight look like noon. Anything could be lurking in that darkness, watching, waiting, waiting to strike out, kills, and then feast, feast…

Speak of the devil, and he'll send his least-favorite pet to sic you. A tentacle, charcoal-grey, with revolting-looking suckers, and covered with weird, sickly-green prongs, launched from the darkness, seeking to capture the young meat and devour it. Instinct alone saved the three of them, dodging the suckers and obviously-poisonous prongs. Megami, reacting to danger, unwrapped Stem in a seamless movement born of years of practice and let fly, severing the tentacle with one wind-powered slice. A shriek of unearthly origins filled the air, grating against their eardrums.

Anko let loose a fireball, giving her team a brief glimpse of a creature they couldn't even begin to understand, before the monster was engulfed in flame. With an odd keening, it… slithered, for lack of a better word, away, the flames seeming to disappear after it had fled just a few yards. Anko glanced at her team, who had shakily gotten back into formation, their bodies twitching as they tried to suppress the adrenaline rush that had just saved their lives. "Now that we've handled the appetizer, let's move on to the main course, shall we?"

No one heard their screams, or the demonic cackling of their sensei, or the alien howls and cries of the inhabitants of what was truly a Dark Abyss.

* * *

Sarutobi was nervous. Well, he was always nervous these days, trying to juggle the worries of his ailing health, the future of the village, Danzo's plots and the growing power and subsequent arrogance of the Council. Did they not realize that their purpose was to advise him with civilian-related matters, not to boss him and his underlings around like a pack of dictators? Still, politics was a necessary field in which he had to do battle, though it wasn't his strong suit, even after years of practice.

But, today he was even more nervous than usual. The truth of Megami's identity, though luckily not the hanyou-process, had somehow been discovered and started to leak out, though all the information concerning that fact had been under lock-and-key and guarded by his most-trusted ANBU. _'Apparently, I'm a bad judge of character.'_ So far, Sarutobi had managed to contain the leak to just the Council, but even before the meeting meant to officially reveal the fact, he knew that several cat's-paws would have delivered the news to the whole village.

Sarutobi honestly had no idea how people would react. There was the tiny but guaranteed minority that would take the news in stride, like the owners of that ramen stand Megami liked as well as a few of the Yondaime's true supporters. There was a chance that there would be a group that felt their revenge had already been sated and would pursue no ill-will, though Hiruzen held no high hopes towards that front. For the most part, the aging Hokage expected many cries for Megami's head on a pike, alongside the reinstatement of various assassination attempts. Danzo, after learning of the unraveling of the seal, would, he had no doubt, immediately proclaim that the only smart thing to do would be to wait until the seal failed before binding the released Yuusei to eternal servitude (to the Council, not to the Hokage), while turning Megami into a breeding-farm for a generation of super-strong, as-near-to-immortal-as-can-be-possibly-expected ninja. More than a few of them cross-bred with the major bloodlines, Hiruzen mused.

However, Hiruzen might have been a frail, old man; that didn't change the fact that he was the most powerful ninja in the village, in both title and ability, though age had sapped his strength somewhat. He would show that, _yes_, he did indeed have a backbone. He would take control of the Council, and remind them why he had held his seat of power for so long. Danzo would have to deal with the new concept that his old nemesis would be actively trying to silence his cries for war, instead of just passively dealing with his plots. Oh, he would show them all why his enemies had spoken the name "God" in fear when they saw him.

The general populace, Megami would have to handle on her own. Considering that she could have flipped the major clan heads the bird and escaped with her life intact, Hiruzen wasn't too concerned for his surrogate granddaughter, though he might have to lay down a few ground rules; her killing intent could be considered nasty even among powerhouses. There was no need to send the civilians to the hospital with heart attacks… though they certainly deserved it.

Speaking of Megami, which was another reason why the Sandaime was so anxious. Anko's report time with her hopefully-intact team had been two hours ago, and the old man was getting worried. "Remind me again how she convinced me to let them in." To some, Hiruzen would have looked like he was demonstrating the first signs of senile dementia, but he was actually asking one of the hidden ANBU that served as his bodyguards.

"Partly because she hit you with puppy-dog-eyes, Hokage-sama, but mostly because you accidentally smoked some of your 'secret' stash instead of your normal tobacco that night." The person who'd spoken, their sex hard to identify, wore a mask modeled after a bird. Hokage in question nodded sagely as he heard the answer to his question. He _really_ ought to flush his 'secret' stash down the drain, but he was an old man and deserved his pleasures while he could still enjoy them.

Just as the Hokage started to consider returning to the carpal-tunnel inducing paperwork, the objects of his fears appeared after a belated knock on the door. Shima was the first to enter. Her eyes looked like they were carrying suitcases beneath them, and her pupils were fully dilated, as if she were in great fear. Hiruzen noticed a streak of white in her hair, most likely due to her literally being so frightened that the melanin in her hair had been converted into adrenaline. She was muttering to the open air, repeating "eyestalks… so many eyestalks… why are there so many eyestalks?"

Banjin came next. His skin, once the russet-brown of fine teak, was now an ash-grey, as if his body were consuming itself. He showed obvious signs of injuries, but seemed to be holding on. The aged leader noticed that his hair was standing on end and he was covered in gooseflesh, but he seemed sane enough. Megami seemed right as rain, but Hiruzen noticed that her eyes never moved, and her facial expression seemed like it was welded in place: a clear sign of shock.

Anko walked in, fresh as a daisy, though a rare touch of sympathy clouded her eyes as she regarded her team. She really shouldn't have taken them down there so early in their training. Well, regretting it wouldn't change it, so Anko faced her leader with only a small amount of guilt. "Team 4 reporting, Hokage-sama. I apologize for my team for our late arrival." Sarutobi regarded her coldly. Apparently, the fates had arranged that Anko be the first victim of his wrath in his rise from the fall of he'd taken since reclaiming his hat.

"Anko, I'm not going to bother telling you off for bringing them down there. I just want you aware that if they've been damaged beyond repair, I'll have your hitai-ate after a few nights with Ibiki." Anko gave an uncertain nod; she'd never seen the Sandaime like this, though some of the ANBU did, and they were internally uncorking the champagne for the return of the hard-ass Shinobi that had been known as the Professor.

"I'll keep that in mind, sir. I'll make this quick. Our stay in the DA was mostly uneventful, mostly occupied with survival training and some chakra-control exercises. We did, however, run into a DAM-12, two DAP-9s, and what could possibly have been a DAM-37, though I'm not entirely sure." Anko cringed at the Hokage's reproaching stare. It was warranted. DAM meant 'Dark Abyss Mutant', and DAP meant 'Dark Abyss Plant'. They were categorized as such in the journal found with the only surviving member of the last expedition into the DA, including illustrations and a brief list of their capabilities. The survivor in question had died shortly afterward of a parasite that had eaten his brain.

The DAM-12 resembled a giant cross between a praying mantis and a tarantula, with armored plates for skin, legs that could dent steel and claws that would have rivaled the sharpness of Zabuza Momochi's blade. The DAP-9 was nothing more than a Venus fly-trap that had a habit of anally abusing its victims as it drained them dry of their juices. It was the last one that really worried Hiruzen. The DAM-37, aka the Shoggoth, was a giant, gelatinous blob that looked like an amoeba given a make-over by Hell's best monster-movie make-up specialist. The thing had everything from gaping maws, appendages that could pass for hands, tentacles that could make you sick just by hearing them, and roughly 117 eyestalks. No wonder Shima was muttering to herself; it was written in the journal that three of expedition party had vomited and shortly gone clinically insane after viewing the Shoggoth (I would like to legally state that the idea of the Shoggoth belongs to the author of 'People Lie' and 'Ask Me No Questions', Nugar).

Anko continued with her report, trying not to think too much about what she was remembering. "A team effort with only mild intervention from me took out the DAM-12. The DAP-9s got Megami and Banjin, but I managed to get them out, though Banjin might want to be checked for parasites… and maybe a shrink for Megami." The two turned to looked Megami, who looked back and said in an odd voice that sounded like it came from a clockwork machine, "I got fucked by a plant. I'm twelve, and so far I've been fucked up the vag eleven times and up the ass once. Isn't that nice?"

The snake mistress winced. Banjin remained silent, his eyes suggesting he wasn't exactly in the room with them, and Shima continued with her murmurings of eyestalks. Anko continued again, making a solemn promise in her mind to never bring the kids down there again… until they made Chunin. She was truly a lost cause when it came to impulse control. "I was just surveying the area between us and the vault door this morning when I head Shima scream. I came over, and I saw the team fighting a creature I vaguely remember from my copy of the DA journal as a DAM-37. Immediately, since it was obvious that they weren't even slowing it down, I grabbed them and fled immediately. I had assumed that morning that Megami could use the _other_ chakra to hold off any beasts until I returned, forgetting that she'd been acting odd since the DAP-9 incident. We got lost and just an hour ago made it out. We stopped to get dinner on the way here, but none of them ate. End of report, Hokage-sama."

Sarutobi sighed. For the first time in over a decade, he used profanity. "Well, you've severely fucked up, haven't you Anko? It's madness to take _Genin_ down into the Dark Abyss. If your effort to make these children stronger wind up killing them, then it seems rather counter-productive, don't you think? While these kids take their promised break, you will be undergoing an investigation to decide whether or not you are fit to teach. You are to take these children to the hospital, and then return to your home until my inspector wakes you in the morning. Understood?" Anko unconsciously stood at attention and yelled "Hai!"

Sarutobi treated her to his glare for another few seconds, before waving them away. In the manner one uses towards the autistic and senile, Anko led her team away. Sarutobi rubbed his temples. He was too old for this shit. Good thing he had a target to vent it all out on.

* * *

Team 4 wound up spending six of their precious ten days in the hospital, undergoing treatment for physical injuries, infections, and psychological trauma. Yuusei, as well as the gentle words of her shrink, managed to snap Megami out of it, though she now possessed a not-so-irrational fear of all plants and resolved to never go near the Yamanaka Flower Shop again. Banjin was discovered to have a worm that had never been seen before; he'd had his stomach pumped, and it had taken two Chunin to take down the monstrosity that had emerged. Shima was basically all right, though she'd carry that streak forever, and the mere mention of the words 'eye', 'stalk' or 'blob' anywhere near each other in a sentence would send her into paroxysms of "The eyestalks, THE EYESTALKS!" while she rocked in the fetal position and sucked her thumb.

The two days after they were released were occupied with 'family time' as Shima and Banjin were sequestered into staying within twenty yards of their worried parents. Megami started on the sealing diaries, and took to them like a fish to water. She'd already started making up even more variations to common seals than her father had, and was so full to bursting with questions that Yuusei had been forced into the demeaning role of 'encyclopedia with an attitude'. Considering the horrors she'd just faced, Yuusei didn't begrudge his new role.

The last two days were spent just hanging out with each other. They were now really good friends. They chattered about meaningless stuff, ate at their favorite places, and enjoyed the rare moment of peace in their lives. Still, it didn't come as a surprise when it all went to hell.

**Sorry about the short length and the fact that this is obvious filler, but my keyboard is starting to go on the fritz and I don't want to take longer than I already have. With this, I officially pass the 50K word count! Please review, and be patient; the greatest has yet to come.**


	6. Official Hiatus

**In the past, I have simply (if heartlessly) killed off my fics the instant it became hard to write them. After some soul-searching, I have realized that I am headed down the path of the lazy, selfish sell-out. So, instead of just deleting this fic, as I was tempted after two hours spent writing a simple paragraph, I am putting it into an official hiatus. Be assured, I **_**will**_** start this fic up once more. However, I'm taking a longer and much more official break between updates than I normally do.**

**Send me hate mail if you must, ignore me if you must, but I will **_**not**_** chain myself to the desires and expectations of a bunch of people I've never even met. The entire point of this site is to express one's unique ideas on a popular thing, and recently I've been seeing it as an obligatory drain on non-existent creative juices. Please, be understanding and patient. I **_**will**_** return!**

**Say goodbye to this fic for a time. In some time, you mind find a story alert sitting in your e-mail account. Until then… Ja ne.**


End file.
